Subjugation (Chapter 1, Part 1/4)
Story Or Series Title: Subjugation
Fandom: Dumbledore is evil, Snape is a woobie, and the readers’ brains are melting. Uh, I mean “Harry Potter”.
Culprit Author's Name: Ravenkiss
Full Name (plus titles if any): Severus Snape; Albus Dumbledore
Full Species(es): Severus perfututum; Albus maleficus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black; white
Eye Color (include adjectives): Beetle-black *shocked by the canon*; “bright”, “twinkling” blue eyes *again shocked by the canon*
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Scars from abuse and mistreatment; none
Special Possessions (if any): Large breasts and both male and female reproductive systems (courtesy of Voldemort), a bun in the oven; muscular body (courtesy of an aphrodisiac potion that he takes regularly), far too many sex toys to count
Annoying Origin: …Do you really want to know?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claims to be one; claims to be one and correctly predicted Grindeldore pre-DH
Annoying Special Abilities: Getting knocked up; being ludicrously evil and OOC, being "hung like a centaur"
Other Annoying Traits: It’s Subjugation, do you really need to ask?
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all related characters. Ravenkiss owns this fic.
I own only this sporking.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
*checks* *rejoices* Only 54 pages? Hooray! *dumps sporkers into sporking room*
Albus Dumbledore: *gets up and dusts self off* …Surely you must be joking…
Gellert Grindelwald: Again?
This is short, you lot. And it’s much better-written that what I’ve been sporking. Consider this detox. :D
Albus: Oh? That’s good…
Aberforth Dumbledore: Yeah, well, that isn’t saying much.
:D I know.
Albus Dumbledore: …
Gellert Grindelwald: …*suspicious look*
Aberforth Dumbledore: *grimaces*
Ariana Dumbledore: I do not have a good feeling about this. D:
Part 1 - Trial
The Wizongamot was in an uproar.
Albus: *cough* Wizengamot.
So far they had managed to keep the entire sordid business hushed up and out of the press, but it was only a matter of time before some nosy reporter caught wind of a devastating scandal.
Guardian’s Song: (Reporter) None of them are natural blonds!
The three members who sat in judgment glared from on high in their severe black robes.
Ariana: (Three members) *climb to the tops of their severe black robes and glare*
Not a man among them was under ninety years old. Though bent and very frailHYPHENlooking, these were three of the most powerful men in the wizarding world - J.K. Rowling’s lawyers.
The long bench that usually held twelve men was almost empty. This was not a meeting of the full council. Today there would be no audience in the gallery. There would be no witnesses. For today was the annual “Wizongamot” Orgy. *chokes on drink*
They glared down at the problem before them with dread; COMMA! NOT SEMICOLON! glancing back and forth between the two men standing before them.
The first wizard was a member of their own august body. He was one of the most powerful, most respected wizards to hold the title of Grand Master - if you know what we mean - in the last century: a venerable paragon of virtue, noble of family, and unimpeachable of character, a man who had fought for the side of Light for over one hundred years. Under other circumstances, it is he who would sit have sat at the head of this council.
The other was a mere child of thirty-seven,
Albus: One comes of age at seventeen, actually. While I suppose the author could have been thinking of it from the point of view of the elderly judges, she fails to make that clear.
Guardian’s Song: (Epilogue!Harry) Head of the Auror department, father to three children, and Merlin knows what else, and I’m still a child. Just wonderful.
of a poor, unimportant family. Woobie-Snape Count: | One who had freely admitted to once having been under the sway of the Dark Lord:
Guardian’s Song: Argh! A wild colon appeared! D:
though none could deny that the boy had returned to the Light, and paid a very heavy price. When the Death Eaters caught him again, they strapped him to a chair and forced him to listen to a reading of the entire Draco Trilogy.
Albus: *recoils* That is inhuman!
Gellert: Suddenly, it becomes far clearer as to why Lord Riddle was regarded as the worst Dark wizard in a century. (Aside from the English forgetting that the world does not consist of Britain and Scotland…)
"I call this meeting of the Wizongamot Wizengamot special council to order. I said order. Put away the booze. And for the love of all that’s good and holy, put away the goat. That’s disgusting.
Ariana: *edgy* Oh, goats are disgusting, are they?
Guardian’s Song: No, it was what he was doing to the goat.
Ariana: *wrinkles brow* What?
Guardians Song: …You don’t want to know. *shifty eyes*
I, Alginon Dupree shall be acting as Magistrate of the Council. Along with my fellow council members Phillip Walters and Reginald Travailian, we shall be sitting in judgment on this most sensitive matter. COMMA! NOT PERIOD!" Ssaid the presiding member dryly for the benefit of the quill that was taking down every word of the proceedings. Though after this particular tribunal, the record would probably be destroyed. They had not quite found the chutzpah to charge the government for time spent in orgies.
"We are here today to pass judgment on the grave accusations made by Professor Severus Snape against Grand High Wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts School, Albus Dumbledore.
Albus: *blinks* *checks earlier description* …*modest smile* *bows* Why, thank you, thank you. I greatly appreciate the compliment.
Aberforth: *violent gagging*
Albus: *ignores* Though if this is at the time of the books, that would mean I was “fighting for the side of Light” since sometime during my Hogwarts years, which is more than a bit of my exaggeration. Also, I am not “noble of family”…
Guardian’s Song: At the time, JKR had you being about a hundred and fifty at the time of the books, and probably only gave you a birth date of 1881 in DH because she’s absolutely terrible at math. Fandom also had no idea of your bloodline whatsoever, though your brother also being Wizarding was evidence that you likely weren’t Muggleborn, and your enemies not shouting to the skies that you were a Half-Blood probably meant you had no Muggle parents. As such, they tended to default to “Pureblood”.
Headmaster Dumbledore, you have been accused of the crime of rape against the person of Severus Snape.
Albus: Excuse me? WHAT have I been accused of?
Gellert: *looks at the sentence for a moment, then takes out quill and modifies it*
“Ravenkiss, you have been accused of the crime of canon-rape against the person of Albus Dumbledore.”
Albus: *relieved* Yes, yes, much better…*moves chair closer to Gellert*
How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, of course, Algi." The older man wearing fine robes of red satin with gold trim around the cuffs and collar,
Albus: I believe it is widely agreed that wearing one’s House colors is regarded as unoriginal and tacky.
with a matching hat tucked into his belt. He smiled genially at them from behind his halfHYPHENmoon shaped glasses.
Aberforth: And no one is thinking it strange at all that he’s cheerful as can be while he’s being accused of rape?
Guardian’s Song: He’s probably just relieved it isn’t manipulation of the entire country or secretly controlling Voldemort this time.
He was COMMA! as always COMMA! the perfect picture of kindness and benign wisdom.
Albus: *twinkles* Yes, yes, do go on…
Aberforth: Something tells me this is going to be a long sporking.
The man leaned down and whispered to Dumbledore. "Albus, you must call me Magistrate. This is official business."
"Sorry about that, Old boy." He was so old, in fact, that he deserved a Capital Letter.
"Yes, now, we will hear Professor Snape's version of the alleged incident." The man in the middle of the gathering turned back to Professor Dumbledore. "In difference deference to your age and position, you may sit while the testimony is given COMMA! Headmaster."
Albus: *glances through Background File* Would I really be addressed as “Headmaster” during a session of the Wizengamot? While, in the books, I am best known for that (understandable, as it is from a student’s point of view), I have multiple other titles, including Supreme Mugwump -
Aberforth: Yeah, yeah, enough wanking to your own future greatness. Can we get on with it?
Albus: *sighs* Aberforth, I am merely commenting on possible inaccuracies…
Aberforth: *rolls eyes*
Gellert: It’s not your brother’s fault that your only future title is “Barman of the Hog’s Head”.
Aberforth: I’m just jealous. Sure. Next you’re going to tell me “Don’t like, don’t read” - and I can’t do that, in case you haven’t noticed, because I can’t leave the sporking!
Gellert: Rest assured, the feeling is mutual.
Aberforth: *crosses arms, snorts, rolls eyes, and looks away*
Ariana: *pats on the shoulder*
Aberforth: *sighs and hugs her*
"Thank you, Algi." Dumbledore nodded and COMMA! with a smile at Snape COMMA! strolled over to a chair that a pair of Aurors had brought out for him. They were the only other people in the courtroom.
Gellert: Aside from the Wizengamot members, of course, and whoever else the author decides to pull out of thin air. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of Hogwarts ends up in the courtroom by the end.
Guardian’s Song: Don’t tempt fate.
The two rather large men in red robes moved back two steps to flank the older wizard like an honor guard. He looked like a king, reclining in the chair with his robes spilling majestically about him.
Aberforth: *sticks fingers in ears and begins loudly humming to himself*
Albus: Aberforth, I haven’t even said anything yet.
Aberforth: That’s the point.
Both of the Aurors gave Snape contemptuous looks. No need to ask which of them these men believed.
Albus: No, it is not at all as if I have enemies in canon, especially ones with a great deal of influence in the Ministry, such as Lucius Malfoy. After all, I am the universally adored Headmaster of Hogwarts (with no other titles), I stride about with flaming red-gold letters spelling out “I FAVOR GRYFFINDOR” hovering above my head, and my personality (or persona, if the author favors that) consists of nothing but twinkling and smiling kindly at everyone. Slytherin alumni, as everyone knows, are persecuted, hapless waifs holding no power whatsoever (unless they follow Voldemort, in which case their affiliation with him is widely known and everyone not possessed of the label of Corrupt Government Member righteously shuns them), despite coming from a House whose primary traits are cunning, resourcefulness, and ambition, because it is obvious to every reader of the books that they never exercise said traits beyond the minimal level needed to survive their heartless, unending persecution by those terrible Gryffindors. (Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, of course, do not exist except when the author is in need of a minor character.) Oh, the tragedy of it all. *lightly fans self*
Gellert: On a slightly different topic, the only magical schools of any importance in Europe are Hogwarts and Beauxbatons. (The author may decide to create a school in Japan or America, of course; if particularly attentive to canon, the author may even remember the existence of the Salem Witches’ Institute.) Durmstrang, when remembered, consists entirely of one Viktor Krum. In fact, it would simplify matters greatly if the fandom stopped theorizing as to the location of Durmstrang and acknowledged that it is located in the obscure country of Krumlandia.
Aberforth: And… eh, I’m not sure what the fandom thinks about me.
Guardian’s Song: If you’re not awesome for telling it like it is about Albus -
Gellert: Muggles.
Guardian’s Song: *ignores* Then (because it simply can’t be enough for you to resent the Albus/Gellert relationship because Albus is neglecting his family yet still thinks He Knows Best For Them, Gellert is arrogant and calls you a “stupid little boy”, and things all went to hell on the day of the three-way duel) you’re either jealous of Albus’s brilliance, violently homophobic, or secretly eyeing Gellert’s arse.
Aberforth: *rolls eyes* Yeah, I reckon -
*SHRIEKS* WHAT was that last one?
Gellert: I… second that. *gives Aberforth a disturbed look and scoots away*
Guardian’s Song: Er, don’t worry, that last one isn’t that common.
Aberforth: It exists at all, that’s the problem!
Guardian’s Song: *innocent look* Well, don’t you think it’s an interesting take on your feelings for G-
Aberforth: HELL. NO.
Guardian’s Song: *sniggers*
Gellert: Very funny, Muggle. Now I’ll have to worry if he’s -
Aberforth: I’M NOT.
Gellert: *eyeing him uneasily* I certainly hope so. *glances away* …I may never feel clean again…
Aberforth: I’m the one who had to put up with it!
Albus: *creeped out*
Ariana: *confused*
Albus: …I believe it would be best for us all to simply resume sporking.
Gellert: Yes, yes, that would be an excellent idea.
Aberforth: *through gritted teeth* Let’s. (And I’ll make her pay us in brain bleach.)
Guardian’s Song: Ah, you’re so naïve under it all, Aberforth. You believe that sporkers actually get paid. :D
The Magistrate sighed, but said nothing about the use if of his given name as he turned his attention back to the matter at hand. Namely, the prosecution of Ravenkiss for multiple crimes against canon. "Professor Snape, please relate the facts of the alleged incident as you recall them."
Folding his arms over his chest, wrapping himself in his long black cloak, Woobie!Snape count: || and standing a little straighter COMMA! he turned towards the men.
Albus: Poor pronoun use. Although we may deduce this is Snape from context, it is not immediately obvious from the construction - it could be the Magistrate, who was the one last referred to as “he”.
Trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness COMMA! he flipped his long lank black hair from his eyes. Professor Snape looked over the three men who sat in judgment of them, of him. He was apprehensive, well aware that he was an outsider here, for all Slytherin alumni are terribly persecuted by the cruel, cruel world, and none ever rise to power except by following a Dark Lord more concerned with shrieking, chasing after pretty magical artifacts, and talking to his snakes than demonstrating any leadership whatsoever. Naturally.
One who was without a wand; it made him feel vulnerable, naked.
Severus Snape wanted to curl up in a ball and scream. This was insane! Voldemort was dead. His life should be perfect,
Gellert: Has the author forgotten about one Harry Potter?
or at the very least tolerable.
Gellert: *snorts* Snape would probably argue with that.
Finally after almost twenty years of what amounted to indentured servitude, he was supposed to be free, truly free, without obligations to spy or atone.
Albus: Pardon? Has the second war with Lord Riddle gone on for almost twenty years in this story? As far as we know, aside from when Lord Riddle is active, Severus does not serve my older self in any way aside from acting as a Potions Professor, protecting Harry Potter (which he is obligated to do for personal reasons), and possibly reporting the activities of former Death Eaters. That is hardly indentured servitude.
*coughs* Besides, if he has proven useful, it is absurd to think that he would be released simply because Lord Riddle has perished. I can already think of justifications:
“But, Severus, your knowledge of those who followed Lord Voldemort’s ideology is invaluable. Surely you understand that your watchful eye can help us spot a potential or, at worst, rising Dark Lord and move to defuse the situation? After all you have seen of Lord Voldemort, can you truly not desire to do your best to ensure no others arise?”
“Severus, though Lord Voldemort himself has fallen, other Dark wizards and witches connected to him are still active. You alone amongst us know their skills, their weaknesses, and their methods. You saw their atrocities first-hand; can you really find it in you to not want to bring them to justice?”
“Severus, though the Wizarding world may be at peace and no Dark Lords may arise for quite some time, Dark wizards and witches with lesser ambitions may cause a great deal of pain and sorrow in their own right. Many amongst us have been taught to combat them, but you alone have firsthand knowledge of Dark Arts. Your insights into their thoughts, their techniques, and their spells are irreplaceable. You could help save countless lives and keep even more from unfathomable suffering, Severus; will you remain with us?”
Those, of course, are just the ones I can invent at the moment. In practice, I would certainly have more. I would hope that Severus, being a Slytherin, would realize that freedom would not come so quickly.
Gellert: *blinks* That was… impressive. You are most skilled at persuasion.
Albus: *tints red slightly* Thank you. I do try.
Aberforth: And if you’ve had enough of him not to fall for it, he keeps going on and on until you’ll give in just to make him shut up.
Albus: …
*unusually smug smile* Why, yes, Aberforth. The important part is that you give in. *twinkle* *smile lingers on face a few seconds too long* *turns away*
Aberforth: *teeth on edge* Bastard.
Gellert: *glaring over at him* Idiot. *pats Albus’s hand under the table*
Albus: …
Why was he not at this moment in his dungeon giving detentions, doing research, feeding goats? He should not be standing before these men accusing Albus Dumbledore of rape. He wished the persecution would hurry up so that Ravenkiss would be sentenced to Suemengard and all would be, if not well, at least somewhat sane.
When had the world gone mad? When the author uploaded this story, you dunderhead, he answered himself.
Sadly it was not the fact that he had been raped that was so confusing. That particular crime had been done to him so many times that he could almost ignore it.
Sporkers: …*in unison* I have a very bad feeling about this.