(no subject)
The back entrance to the Common Room opened unexpectedly, and Holly looked up from her page, her gaze leaving the description of the Lifestone’s linking abilities. Her eyes quickly informed her that it was only a third-year, Dimitri No, that is a COOL name, and you should not defile it! D: Dolohov,
Guardian’s Song: May I add that a Russian student apparently related to a Death Eater would likely be going to Durmstrang, where they openly teach Dark Arts, rather than Hogwarts where the default reaction is “ZOMG DARK ARTS stop doing it, you little freak”? *sighs through teeth*
followed by Greg and Vincent *SPAZZES for the millionth time at the nickname inconsistency*.
However, her mental senses told her an entirely different story.
“Fisher”: I was hiding under an Invisibility Cloak, and promptly hexed the author into submission? *looks hopeful*
Dimitri was in fact who he appeared to be, and the girl dismissed him as he entered the corridor leading to the dorm rooms.
Guardian’s Song: You arrogant little shit. I’ve bashed canon-Harry around one side of the moon and back for less. And you’re twelve - what about childish naïveté and niceness, eh? Just like Rose Potter - to quote Das Mervin, you were never young.
Instead, all of her mental focus was on the other two, “Greg” and “Vincent.”
“Fisher”: *covers face with hands* It was just fisticuffs!
Katherine: Of course, dear. *pats him on the back and puts an arm around his shoulders*
“Fisher”: *breathes deeply* …Sorry. How many more pages?
Guardian’s Song: Holy crud, I am the master of TL;DR sporks, aren’t I?
“Fisher”: …*buries face in hands again*
Her mind was screaming at her that something was wrong with the pair, that things weren’t as they appeared.
Katherine: *dryly* One was pregnant?
Rutherford: Did you forget the other fic we ju/st sporked?! THAT ISN’T FUNNY!
“Fisher”: *wistful sigh* It was like an oasis in a desert… Everyone was of age…
Rutherford: …Bully for you.
Guardian’s Song: *looks down* Mrs. Weasley? May I please have the Capslock of Rage? Thank you.
And for the life of her, Holly could not figure out why Greg’s mind felt exactly like Neville’s or Vincent felt like Ron.
Guardian’s Song: GEE, I WONDER HOW HER MIND CAME TO THE CONCLUSION SOMETHING WAS ODD?
Seriously, I was thinking of inserting a warning in my fanfic that the particular Girl!Harry in it wouldn’t be a perceptive Girl!Harry, and that she’d really be incredibly dense sometimes (although the reason is tied to serious habitual misuse of natural Occulumency talent).
I now realize I have no need to insert the warning. Holly’s actually thicker than the planned Girl!Harry, and that… is something special, considering that the Girl!Harry’s habit of spacing out to the point where she almost totally ignores reality has convinced a great deal of people pre-Hogwarts that she’s, ahem, “mentally deficient”, despite her academic performance indicating exactly the contrary. Yeeeeeeeeeah. Methinks “Harriett” would realize from the above line that something was wrong without having to state it separately. *FACEPALM* It gets even MORE ridiculous if you know that “Harriett” happens to… well, suffice to say, she can be ridiculously slow on the uptake, but even SHE’D realize something was wrong right away. *groans* Oh, hell, even canon-Harry at his stupidest - which is pretty damn stupid - would realize (given mind-reading powers) that something was off… *HEADLAPTOP HEADLAPTOP HEADLAPTOP*
It had to be some kind of trick. There had to be some sort of explanation, and the answer to her unvoiced question was inadvertently answered by Ron when he briefly prayed that the Polyjuice Potion would hold long enough for them to get answers.
Guardian’s Song: You know what’s effing sad? The effing sad thing is that she’s so dense and yet seems ZOMG PERCEPTIVE because the answers are handed to her on a silver platter. Some of us enjoy writing dense characters for the purpose of seeing how FUBAR you can make their lives by having manipulative bastards pretend to be friendly and then yank the rug out from under the poor dense characters at the worst possible moment.
(The unofficial middle name of my Girl!Harry is “Trainwreck”, by the way, not “Smugbitch McBitch”. :D;;)
She instantly felt a stab in her heart at the realisation of her friends’ betrayal, and a blaze of anger shot through Holly.
Guardian’s Song: *yawns* O Bitchy One, flashes of anger are overdone when you’re Rose Potter’s more prissy cousin, and y’know something? The only thing that would be interesting by now is if you went Ariana on them. I’m a sucker for explosions and psychotic witches. Hey, mebbe we can even get YOU to blow yourself up - NIIIIIIICE. 8D
She had asked Titania about the potion after she had gleaned it from Hermione’s mind several weeks ago. I say nothing except that the pretentiousness has backfired into utter idiocy hee. {snip} They had used it to impersonate her friends; they were going to interrogate Draco and her for information,
Katherine: As opposed to interrogating them for Lemon Drops.
Rutherford: Oh, Merlin, it’s inherited insanity?
Katherine: *haughty look* Well, it appears you literally have no taste.
Rutherford: *snorts* Want a Bertie Botts’ Every Flavor Bean? We have vomit, toejam, bogeys, dandruff, and lots more…
just as their thoughts suggested.
“Fisher”: Well, unless they’re Occulumenses, their thoughts would match their intents…
She fleetingly wondered where Hermione was
Guardian’s Song: *petty* I can only hope she was “Dimitri” and Hollaback Potty simply didn’t pay attention to someone who was outside her little clan of followers. (Quite like young Voldemort, isn’t she?) Yeah, it’s noncanon, but… WHAT THE FUCK IS CANON IN THIS MESS?!
Thank you, Mrs. Weasley. *belatedly returns Caplsock of Rage*
and what her part in all of this had been.
Guardian’s Song: How about doing the actual searching while Ron and Neville act as a distraction? [:< Serve little Miss Holly right.
Incidentally, her official “Doppelganger name” will be Hollaback Potty until I come up with a dumber wittier one. :P
Holly snapped back to herself
Guardian’s Song: Damnit, now my fic feels dirty. *pets it* *fic goes BOOM* …*sighs*
when Neville coughed. All of her revelation had occurred in mere seconds, and green eyes flickered back to her book before I scooped them up and ate them, not wanting to cause suspicion. She fought the seething anger that was filling her, shoving it behind a mental door and vowing to deal with it later.
Guardian’s Song: BITCH, PLEASE!
I am irate half because that’s blatant Occulumency abuse when she should have had no reason to practice Occulumency, and half because… eh… let’s just say that in my fanon, her magic wasn’t the only thing Ariana repressed until it grew too violent for her to control… *whistles*
Internally, she sent Draco a mental poke,
Guardian’s Song: Suethor?
First, stop stealing stuff from a fanfic not yet written. O_o (Plagiarizing from the future is an effing scary talent these Suethors have. I mean, really… it SCARES me that they do it so “well”.)
Second, she can’t do it “internally” unless Draco was inside her mind, which he isn’t. My version of “Girl!Harry” (and I put that in double quotes for a reason… having to do with an absolutely WTF fic premise) can do that to her “imaginary friend” Tom because, guess what? He IS inside her skull! (In her forehead, to be precise.) If you must rip off the future (O_o), at least do it RIGHT.
and his gaze instantly flickered to her. The girl inclined her head, her eyes going to Ron and Neville in their Slytherin guises *and then into Syaoran’s open mouth*. The pair was now sitting at the settee beneath the setter across from the setted them.
“It’s not really Vincent and Greg,” Holly sent to the blond You’ve Got Mail!, and his eyes widened. “They’re impostors. It’s Ron and Neville under a potion. They think that I’m the Heir and that we might reveal information to them.”
Katherine: As opposed to revealing -
“Fisher”: *twitch* Please don’t say “themselves”.
Katherine: *pauses* I… wasn’t actually thinking that, but… it is in-character, isn’t it? …*reaches out with her foot and pushes the table with the fic on it away from her* *looks revolted*
Draco’s mind was whirling with the implication,
“Fisher”: - that the Cannons might win the World Cup this year! Right?
Guardian’s Song: As usual, however, the Canons finish last in badfic…
and he was wondering what he should do.
“Don’t say anything. Don’t let them know,” Holly thought quickly.
Guardian’s Song: Isn’t it charming how the young Dark Lady is so quick to order her hapless follower what to do?
“We can use this to our advantage.
Guardian’s Song: Don’t you just want to pinch her cheeks and throw her to the Aurors?
We can show that we don’t know anything at all about it. If we confront them, then they’ll only wonder how we knew and be even more suspicious”
‘Just play along then?’ he asked mentally, fighting the urge to stare at the other two.
Rutherford: If you have to do the crazy formatting, BE CONSISTENT ABOUT IT.
Holly responded, “That’s the idea, but let them broach the subject. I guess we should just keep at what we were doing.”
Her eyes started to move across the page again, pretending to read. However, her mind reached out and focused on the intruders. Normally, she avoided reading the minds of others, Mrs. Weasley thank you very much -FUCKING BULLSHIT, GIRL! I’VEBEEN WATCHING! YOU READ MINDS WHENEVER YOU CAN! especially her friends, but in this case, she was willing to make an exception.
{snip}
Minutes passed, Draco and Holly still pretending to ignore them, while the girl lightly ghosted through their minds.
“Fisher”: If you’re going to look inside someone’s thoughts, be honest about it instead of claiming moral superiority for not diving all the way in. It’s still violating their privacy beyond the level of truth-lies-ambiguous. *sighs*
She attempted to discern what they knew, what they had based their suspicions on.
Guardian’s Song: *snidely* I dunno - what of your behavior isn’t something for them to be suspicious of?
Unfortunately, there wasn’t much. In fact, it was all speculation, guess-work, and it only served to send another wave of rage through her, one that she couldn’t completely distance herself from.
Guardian’s Song: Look, either go Ariana, or stop having menstrual cramps of the mind! As is, you’re just looking like Voldemort. He has surges of rage too, y’know. Come on, let’s have a flare of wandless magic or telepathy! Be a proper Sue, will ya, not just a petulant pansy, and that’s insulting Pansy.
Another minute passed, and Ron finally settled for the direct approach.
“Fisher”: He punched the Sue in the face. All was well.
Rutherford: *under his breath* I’d prefer a Cruciatus first.
Katherine: I am, as a rule, restrained by morals and the desire not to be thrown into Azkaban for life, but after all the lovely times we have spent together, I might grant your wish if -
Rutherford: I meant using it on her, not ME!
“So,” he grunted in a distinctly non-Vincent voice that wasn’t nearly deep enough. In fact, he really sounded like a baby Mandrake with a head cold.
Guardian’s Song: …High-pitched and nasal?
(Hollaback Potty) I know because that’s what Zacharias Smith told me I sounded like! And then I had the Slytherins gang up on him because he was thinking that he might as well “return to canon” because this plot made “canon” seem positively brilliant. What’s “canon”?
“So what do you think about the Heir… Greg?” he said to Neville addressed his companion, hoping that Holly and Draco would become involved in their conversation. “There haven’t been any attacks in a while. D’you think there will be more?”
Neville started at being put on the spot, very uncomfortable with what they were doing. A fact that slightly cooled Holly’s resentment. Yes, Miss Dark Lady. We’re SOOOO awed by your benevolence.
“Er… maybe.” He nervously fiddled with his robe, which was clearly not his as it was too large for his normal size. Neville is chubby, but Goyle’s a lummox. Neville’s robes wouldn’t be too large for Goyle, you *****! “Wh-what do you think, D-Draco?”
Both true Slytherins
Katherine: Hah!
glanced up from their books.
“I don’t know,” the blond answered honestly enough.
Guardian’s Song: That’s not an answer to “What do you think?”! He sounds like a Vice-Presidental candidate at a debate!
“Perhaps, but then, we don’t really know why this is happening in the first place.”
Guardian’s Song: So, do you think he’s Biden or Palin? :D
“We don’t?” Ron questioned without thinking, something rather typical of him,
Guardian’s Song: Eff that, I’M going to go Ariana on the fic if this keeps up!
wincing when Neville elbowed him in the ribs. OOCness AHOY! “I mean… no, we don’t.” He frowned, oddly crinkling Vincent’s nose. “What d’you think, Holly?”
The girl, who had anticipated the question, I though he didn’t think before asking, thus neutralizing Little Miss Mindrape’s advantage? tried to keep her face in neutral, then wondered why she couldn’t drive it. “I don’t know either,” she replied, attempting to not say it through gritted teeth. “It doesn’t make much sense that he or she was attacking Muggleborns in the first place.” Holly figured that she might as well take the opportunity to clear her name.
Rutherford: And she can’t lie to her Housemates?
Katherine: She’s no Slytherin. Ravenclaw or Gryffindor with delusions, I’d say. I’ll never know why the hat would humor her.
Ron and Neville were taken aback, their minds whirling.
“Fisher”: That she thought that would make them believe on the spot that she was innocent?
“Why?” fake-Greg asked.
“Well, considering the fact that there’re numerous Muggleborns in Slytherin,”
Katherine: Oh by Slytherin’s left greasy - I was an exception, and I only survived the night because of my Parselmouth abilities! And the Occulumency talent didn’t hurt, of course… But an ordinary Mudblood would be forced to leave the House within a week at the very most!
Rutherford: Mudblood, huh? Even though you’re a -
Katherine: Most, Mr. Rutherford, wallow in their inferiority to Wizarding-born witches and wizards, complaining about how hard it is for them and both demanding equal treatment and special concessions to their ignorance. I worked to become the equal of any Wizarding-born witch or wizard and never lowered myself to begging pity on the poor little Mudblood!
Rutherford: Yeah, but it didn’t work, did it? Purebloods still sneer at you behind your back, if you didn’t notice.
Katherine: *smugly* They learn quickly never to do so anywhere where I can find out about it. And I have ways of finding out things.
Rutherford: *to “Fisher”* D’you ever think your wife’s barmy?
“Fisher”: *shrugs* Both of us used to think the other was nice, but completely barmy. She’s accepted my Gryffindor nature and devotion to goats, I’ve accepted that she’s a Slytherin fanatic and will never get the bee out of her bonnet…
she put in with a trace of satire, “it isn’t logical for the Heir to preach anti-Muggleborn sentiments.” She concluded carefully, “They’d eventually have to go against their own Housemates.”
Katherine: And the Purebloods would cheerfully help her toss the Mudbloods out. And she’s making it rather obvious that she knows they’re not Slytherins.
Ron humphed. “Like they wouldn’t do that.
Katherine: It’s a sad commentary on the state of Slytherin House in a story when a - *checks Background File* - Gryffindor knows Slytherin’s nature better than a supposed Slytherin.
Guardian’s Song: I insist he was just Sorted too soon. His Mirror of Erised vision was hardly of a peaceful life tending goats, he’s not exactly lacking in insight and sheer common sense, and that was a bloody impressive showing at eleven versus a chessboard magically programmed by McGonagall (who, we can guess from her choosing that as the design of her trap instead of some Transfiguration-based puzzle, was no slouch at chess herself). Oh, and did I mention he’s apparently got some ability as a Parselmouth? Gryffindor House and the Weasleys - no offense, but just look at the way they treated Percy for being “a prat” and how Ron could easily say the moral of the Tale of the Three Brothers was ‘keep your head down and don’t meddle in things that are none of your business’ [paraphrased from memory] -, however, suppressed his potential, so he ended up just a laid-back, nice guy with a severe inferiority complex and tendencies to have uncontrolled outbursts of sanity and intelligence when he’s in one of his rages. Verily, he is the Ariana of sanity. :D;; …Uh, my only excuse is that Ron needs to be Stued more? :D;;
It’s every man for himself among the Snakes,”
Katherine: Not if you make good alliances, but otherwise (and behind closed doors), yes…
he said to himself in a loud whisper. His thoughts showed that he clearly believed his pronouncement.
“Fisher”: Only as much as any Slytherin…
Holly frowned.
Rutherford: Ron: 1, Self-Righteous Slytherin: 0.
Katherine: Don’t you dare call this little prissy brat a Slytherin. She’s less a Slytherin than you are.
Rutherford: *surprised* …Thank you?
Katherine: Which is why it aggravates me so much that you refuse to live up to your potent-
Rutherford: Bloody hell, you’d THINK I could get a compliment around here without it being the lead-in to a lecture!
“Fisher”: My daughter likes you.
Rutherford: SHE’S THE REASON I’M HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. And, at this point, one of the few reasons I bloody stay around.
Katherine: *snorts* If you want to go be a beggar on the streets of London, be my guest…
“No, we wouldn’t do that,” Draco inserted fiercely, rising immediately to defend his House. “We do have House loyalty, you know.”
Katherine: Not to Mudbloods, though, you idiot. Why do the Purebloods have no spine in this story?
His silver eyes
Syaoran: *curses Cassandra Claire for all eternity for ruining so many perfectly good eyeballs*
flashed as they spun round and round- Bing! Bing! Bing! Three sevens! You get 300 coins! Ching-ching-ching-ching… Play again?. “What’s up with you?” he snapped unexpectedly,
Rutherford: *through gritted teeth* Yeah, real surprise there - I thought Holly read minds like they were posted to a bulletin board. Wish the author could keep consistent…
Guardian’s Song: (Hollaback Potty) But I would never do that to my FWENDS!11!!!! …Except when I do.
taking savage delight in seeing them put on the spot. “You should know better than to accuse us - your own friends -
Guardian’s Song: (The bold above is not me, by the way.) Yeah, smartass, but aren’t Ron and the rest supposed to be the Uberbitch’s friends? Doesn’t stop her from having waves of rage as if they were menstrual cramps due to accusing them of essentially being bigoted bastards who had NO REASON ZOMG to think that Miss Dark Lady In Training was anything less than perrrrrrfect.
of such things.”