20-01 {Journal Entry}
I feel like such a loser these days. Like I know that I shouldn't be flipping out like this but I am.
I'm leaving for camp on Saturday, and it's a good thing because if I didn't I'd so be doing nothing. I'd be lazy and quiet and nobody would hear from me. I swear if any of my 'friends' even did care for all they know I could be dead right now. Summer time is a time where I basically disappear and the only way my friends would actually figure out what happened during the summer is if it showed when I got back to school. I swear even though I'm online everyday does not mean that I'm alive.
So you the readers out there are probably thinking "oh man it's one of those loner kids who really doesn't have any friends". You're probably right. I mean it's obvious, isn't it? Whenever my friends actually do call me, I'm working. And when I'm not working, they're working or they're off to some party that I'm not invited to. I'm the only one out of my friends who doesn't have a boyfriend and even if I did he'd probably be just as busy and I'd be just as invisible.
Second sign, look at the pictures. If you are one of my 'friends' then I dare you to look at your pictures, or your list of friends or whatever! I will guarentee that I am no where to be found! Because you people only hang out with other people who have a significant other. It's bad enough I feel out of place when we hang out outside of school but even inside of school and during a time when I'm already invisible.
Sure I probably feel this all the time during the summer but it is because:
A) None of my friends live near me
B) None of them can legally drive yet (except for a few but they never get the car)
C) I don't even get a call saying "Hey how's your summer been so far?"
Well I'm never even called during school and if I am it's a question about the homework. Either way even though it looks like I have friends, I swear they think I'm just a cling-on and whenever I'm not around they actually have fun. I guess the lies hurt me more than the truth. I know I'm a shy person and I know I'm not very socially-intelligent but at least I try! But now, I quit! I'm tired of being there for people but not having someone to turn to. Because someone will say something behind my back that will turn against me. Maybe all this summer heat is just making me crazy but I just can't take it anymore... I want to stop crying because my friends don't even know my true feelings..
:: End ::