Eighteenth Memory
I don’t even want to think of the past couple of days. I feel disgusting…that poor animal, even if it was just a pig. Like a monster, even when I didn’t want to I couldn’t stop myself from devouring it. It’s the most frightening thought ever, being eaten alive, and like a sickening freak I did it to another creature. I want to throw up, as though that would erase the act or make it better. I should be lucky…I didn’t actually hurt anyone. I know innocent people who were affected ended up injuring their friends or doing much worse…I’m just shaken.
This is what Zero suffers through ever day of his life. Starving, and having to control those urges. I’m amazed and so put to shame. I was affected for a much shorter amount of time than him and yet I hadn’t been able to control myself at all. The moment the doctor opened the door, Zero had to hold me back from trying to escape and likely injuring the personnel. When the animal was in there, even after I said I didn’t want to…I only managed to stop myself from devouring it long enough to beg him to knock it unconscious, so that it didn’t know what I was doing to it. I didn’t feel better until after…and even then I still felt hungry. No matter how many baths I take I still can’t feel clean. I still don’t feel up to facing everyone. The deities are barbaric.
I'd really...I really had been scared.
[/Private]
Lilith-san...I...I'm s-sorry kind of...
[/Filter]
[Failed Filtered Audio Attempt to Zero]
Just for the record, Zero, even though I taste really good today you're not allowed a taste. Even if you begged I wouldn't let you.
[/Failure]
Everyone else doing okay....? It feels good for things to be back to normal. Or...at least normal for the city. It's kind of put a damper on the holiday cheer, I think. Thanks to everyone who worried about us. I'm sorry...ah, and Yori-chan, Eva...I'm sorry about the kitchen and the gun. I hope things will look a bit brighter after all of this....
(ooc: She's feeling off today, so her filter attemps are not up to par. She's never been an expert anyway. She's feeling blah about the whole zombie thing...and kind of moody about it, so she's sulking.)
This is what Zero suffers through ever day of his life. Starving, and having to control those urges. I’m amazed and so put to shame. I was affected for a much shorter amount of time than him and yet I hadn’t been able to control myself at all. The moment the doctor opened the door, Zero had to hold me back from trying to escape and likely injuring the personnel. When the animal was in there, even after I said I didn’t want to…I only managed to stop myself from devouring it long enough to beg him to knock it unconscious, so that it didn’t know what I was doing to it. I didn’t feel better until after…and even then I still felt hungry. No matter how many baths I take I still can’t feel clean. I still don’t feel up to facing everyone. The deities are barbaric.
I'd really...I really had been scared.
[/Private]
Lilith-san...I...I'm s-sorry kind of...
[/Filter]
[Failed Filtered Audio Attempt to Zero]
Just for the record, Zero, even though I taste really good today you're not allowed a taste. Even if you begged I wouldn't let you.
[/Failure]
Everyone else doing okay....? It feels good for things to be back to normal. Or...at least normal for the city. It's kind of put a damper on the holiday cheer, I think. Thanks to everyone who worried about us. I'm sorry...ah, and Yori-chan, Eva...I'm sorry about the kitchen and the gun. I hope things will look a bit brighter after all of this....
(ooc: She's feeling off today, so her filter attemps are not up to par. She's never been an expert anyway. She's feeling blah about the whole zombie thing...and kind of moody about it, so she's sulking.)