Sixty Third Memory
[Filtered from Marishka]
...These curses are so annoying. I kind of wonder if I hold the record for being forced back into a child's body. I lost count some time ago. Either way....my memories while as a child are always kind of blurry. Maybe because they didn't exist for me back in my real world? But I know there was a bit of a mess....and a lot of people troubled themselves coming over and helping.
Lulu, Uta-chan...Duchess and everyone else...thanks for humoring me. I'm not sure how much of a handful I might have been, but I appreciate that you all tried to help out. I'm sure Yori-chan and Zero appreciated it as well. They've got to be tired of that curse as well...
The curses aside, I had something I wanted to say yesterday, but as I found myself cursed with something else it wasn't really an opportune time to really go into everything...
I...um...
I want to...apologize....about the other day. After finding out Marishka was released....I maybe... didn't handle the situation well. I still disagree about a couple of things and obviously, though I know she's being supervised...just don't like the thought of her being out of prison. The initial shock of finding out she was no longer in that location was enough for my first reaction to be a little rash. I want the police to know that I don't blame them. Of course I appreciate the time and effort they put into trying to protect people in a city where everything is already uncertain. I can respect that a lot. I just reacted to the news very strongly. I also didn't mean to scare anyone...
I'm...not happy with the situation, but I didn't handle it well. For that...I really am sorry.
As for Marishka...I still advise people to avoid her. She's a very dangerous person...
[Private to Saya]
Have you decided if you plan to leave your apartment yet? Or have already done so? I want to let you know that...my offer still stands.
[Private]
Even as I apologize...I'm still really frustrated with this situation. I know it's not the actual force's fault. Their actual job isn't to decide whether or not criminals go free. It's simply to stop them and protect us. I regret that I might have upset individuals. It's not the force I'm upset with. The fact that she WAS released though...after all the times she has spoken over the network...glorifying killing people...the terrible things she's done...what happened to me... What foolish person would allow her to leave? I don't really know the extent of the warden's actual power...and although I know she's supposed to be monitored...it's just...so stupid.
Saya-san doesn't even fully trust Solomon. When I learn that she's been put into the care of someone else who possesses a shady background...it makes me even more anxious. Don't...people realize how dangerous this place is...?
More and more I'm shamefully afraid to go out. What happened with Marishka...the incident with The Major. Those aren't the only other times I've had close encounters here either. It's scary. And I'm so angry with myself for feeling that way. My nerves of late are completely shot. Zero's 'death' and disappearance...those attacks.. I keep second guessing myself and losing confidence. Why can't I be stronger?
I can't even sleep. Every night it's the same...those same bloody delusions. They just keep getting worse and worse...to where I dread and avoid going to sleep at night. Even when I'm awake...I'm not even safe then. I'm not losing my mind...I-I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. None of it is normal.
What's wrong with me...
...These curses are so annoying. I kind of wonder if I hold the record for being forced back into a child's body. I lost count some time ago. Either way....my memories while as a child are always kind of blurry. Maybe because they didn't exist for me back in my real world? But I know there was a bit of a mess....and a lot of people troubled themselves coming over and helping.
Lulu, Uta-chan...Duchess and everyone else...thanks for humoring me. I'm not sure how much of a handful I might have been, but I appreciate that you all tried to help out. I'm sure Yori-chan and Zero appreciated it as well. They've got to be tired of that curse as well...
The curses aside, I had something I wanted to say yesterday, but as I found myself cursed with something else it wasn't really an opportune time to really go into everything...
I...um...
I want to...apologize....about the other day. After finding out Marishka was released....I maybe... didn't handle the situation well. I still disagree about a couple of things and obviously, though I know she's being supervised...just don't like the thought of her being out of prison. The initial shock of finding out she was no longer in that location was enough for my first reaction to be a little rash. I want the police to know that I don't blame them. Of course I appreciate the time and effort they put into trying to protect people in a city where everything is already uncertain. I can respect that a lot. I just reacted to the news very strongly. I also didn't mean to scare anyone...
I'm...not happy with the situation, but I didn't handle it well. For that...I really am sorry.
As for Marishka...I still advise people to avoid her. She's a very dangerous person...
[Private to Saya]
Have you decided if you plan to leave your apartment yet? Or have already done so? I want to let you know that...my offer still stands.
[Private]
Even as I apologize...I'm still really frustrated with this situation. I know it's not the actual force's fault. Their actual job isn't to decide whether or not criminals go free. It's simply to stop them and protect us. I regret that I might have upset individuals. It's not the force I'm upset with. The fact that she WAS released though...after all the times she has spoken over the network...glorifying killing people...the terrible things she's done...what happened to me... What foolish person would allow her to leave? I don't really know the extent of the warden's actual power...and although I know she's supposed to be monitored...it's just...so stupid.
Saya-san doesn't even fully trust Solomon. When I learn that she's been put into the care of someone else who possesses a shady background...it makes me even more anxious. Don't...people realize how dangerous this place is...?
More and more I'm shamefully afraid to go out. What happened with Marishka...the incident with The Major. Those aren't the only other times I've had close encounters here either. It's scary. And I'm so angry with myself for feeling that way. My nerves of late are completely shot. Zero's 'death' and disappearance...those attacks.. I keep second guessing myself and losing confidence. Why can't I be stronger?
I can't even sleep. Every night it's the same...those same bloody delusions. They just keep getting worse and worse...to where I dread and avoid going to sleep at night. Even when I'm awake...I'm not even safe then. I'm not losing my mind...I-I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. None of it is normal.
What's wrong with me...