(no subject)
Background/intro
I've just come back from my "canonical priesthood retreat", or a church-mandated get-away during the last year before priesthood. It's basically one last chance to really think things through, free of any and all distractions. Of course, that last part is optional now. With cell phones and tablets, distractions are more common these days. Still, I made a good effort to be alone with God as much as possible. Here's the basic rundown:
-We were on retreat from Friday afternoon (three out of four of us left directly after out final class at 5:00 pm) to Wednesday afternoon.
-There were four deacons (myself included) and Father John the rector of the seminary.
-We were in a Carmelite convent which also features a retreat center, which is fairly common.
Here’s where I stayed: the other three deacons were down the road in a retreat house.
Note the Lady of Pain statue of Mary. Gotta love it!
We were about 20 minutes south of Green Bay, and we had a lot more time together than usual: two prayer times, daily Mass, three meals, two or three sessions where Father John talked at us about something he deemed important enough to reflect upon, and a movie following dinner. Allow to add one more detail: his movies were 2.5 to 3 hours long - one for each full day we were there. What this means is that we had relatively little time to pray and/or rest. I seemed to be the only one bothered by that fact, which surprised me. Luckily, at the start, Father John stated that we were free to do as we pleased: one of us could even skip a formation session and drive into town if we felt that we needed to get away in that manner. So I took Father John up on his offer: I skipped two movies out of three as well as Monday's lunch and afternoon session. Naturally, this made Monday extremely fruitful in terms of praying and mentally preparing myself for all the things life will be throwing at me in the years to come. My decision to go my own way was one I most certainly do NOT regret in the slightest.
We had a retreat house with three rooms; two separate rooms were in the convent proper. I got one of those rooms, with Father John on the far side of the chapel. This worked out perfectly: the other three wanted to be together, and I had one of the cars, so it was reasonable for me to be the only deacon not sleeping in the retreat house. This gave me much more alone time than I would have gotten otherwise, and I was about 12 steps away from the main chapel - the same one the nuns used. Thus, we come to the main part of the story.
Silence - TOTAL SILENCE vs singing
Ok, so you know how assassins, thieves, ninjas, or other stealthy characters often train at monestaries? I get that now. There is a profound and deep quiet to this place. When I first entered the chapel upon arrival, I was awed by the majestic quiet of the space. Later that night, around 9:30 pm or so, I had another chance to go to chapel on my own. Little did I know that the nuns were in the middle of night prayer, which apparently goes from 9:00 to 10:00. Mind you, no one could see me, as this was a strict Carmelite convent: the nuns were cloistered from the world in a very real sense. They use a different part of the chapel, and there isn't even line-of-sight between them and chapel visitors.
So I walked in to the chapel, which was totally silent. But a moment after I sat down, the nuns continued their readings and sung responses. I was embarrassed to have interrupted: it sounded like every step I took echoed throughout the entire space. And from that point, every single thing I did made noise. I used the kneeler, and it creaked louder than any other kneeler in recorded history. I could hear the pages of my book creak and crackle as I turned the page. And when I decided to head back to my room, I tried with all my might to be silent and slip away without sound. I failed. Every single step I took was like a tiny boot stomp. I have always considered myself on the sly side, so the inherent noisiness of my existence bothered me. Mind you, I didn't burst out in tears over this, but it was an unwelcome surprise.
Three days later, I did much better. I slipped in to the chapel before the nuns got there, silently opened and closed my book, raised up the kneeler during a particularly loud verse of a song, and slipped away at the end soundlessly! I'm not exactly sure what I did differently, but I certainly managed to step without making any noise to echo throughout the chapel. It was kind of a fun little training exercise in being stealthy. So take it from me: monestaries and convents are the place to go for training would-be spies, rogues, and any other dexterity-based heroes.
On the note of training, I chose to push myself physically as well as spiritually during this time. Besides some simple room exercises, I went on three outdoor runs: one per full day, with Monday as a rest day. According to my car, it was about twenty degrees when I ran around the 2:00 - 3:00 range. And while my runs were a mere 20 minute thing, they were a tough 20 minutes. I don't own winter running gear, and the snowy roads weren't very reliable when it came to traction. Still, it was a pleasure to get outside, play some music, and explore the area around the convent. I had some trouble breathing near the end due to the low humidity and temperature, and my fingers were aching from the elements, but overall it was time well spent. Naturally, I was imagining that this was all part of the training. After all, do not the Bene Gesserits teach us that human beings can surpass any pain?
This is about as far as I could get while still being able to see the monestary. It’s just to the right of those wooden posts.
Bonus picture: I had to laugh at the baby deer statue covered to its neck in snow. I thought of the strange animal combinations in Avatar. Prairie Deer!
Reverence and Awe
The other thing worth reflecting upon is the sheer holiness of the space. I'm picky about such things, and this chapel was exactly what I needed. It was quiet and beautiful, with a true serenity to the general atmosphere. I was surprised to feel such respect for a space with which I had so little contact. Of course, the surrounding countryside and snows helped the sense of being apart from busy daily life (in a good way). I felt like I had what I needed to really sink my teeth into the most challenging issues I still had left to struggle with. And thankfully, I was able to do exactly that. Questions such as "how the hell did I get to this point?" as well as "why do I feel like college and seminary were years spent in profoundly opposite ways?" all got the time they deserved and needed. Now, with only three months left to go till I'm thrust into Real Life (as opposed to never-ending studies), I'm all set - mentally and spiritually.
Of course, I also found a new and exciting way to get thrown out of seminary (yes, I know that I have a lot of those these days). See here’s the chapel from my point-of-view.
The nuns would be to the right of the picture, in a different part of the chapel with no line-of-sight to the visitor sections. It came with a big ol’ gate, just in case!
After being alone so long, I started wondering “I’ll bet I could climb that! I wonder how silently I could do it!” But the consequences would be catastrophic, so I was quick to move on to less extreme silliness.
Shepherd
There was one bit of fun reading which I had been saving for quite a while. On Monday, when I had enough time for everything else, I put on my clergy shirt and Firefly replica pants, sat down in my chair, and read Serenity: A Shepherd's Tale.
It's a graphic novel and covers Shepherd Book's backstory before Firefly began. I need not write what you already know, but it was an excellent use of time and a perfect addition to the rest of my retreat. I'm torn about what to write from here; after all, I would hate to spoil the novel for anyone else with an interest to read it. What I will say for now, is that the novel’s theme was one of transitioning from self-preservation to self-discovery.
Me vs the other guys?
Strangely, it seemed like I was in a far greater need for alone time than the others. My fellow deacons were more comfortable with the group sessions of the day, and look forward to the movies played after dinner. I had a strange sense that I was in my own little world for those few days, with occasional overlap with the others. But as I said, that’s what I needed at the time, and I’m prepared for the last three months of classes. I’m sure they’ll go by in a blur of activity!
I've just come back from my "canonical priesthood retreat", or a church-mandated get-away during the last year before priesthood. It's basically one last chance to really think things through, free of any and all distractions. Of course, that last part is optional now. With cell phones and tablets, distractions are more common these days. Still, I made a good effort to be alone with God as much as possible. Here's the basic rundown:
-We were on retreat from Friday afternoon (three out of four of us left directly after out final class at 5:00 pm) to Wednesday afternoon.
-There were four deacons (myself included) and Father John the rector of the seminary.
-We were in a Carmelite convent which also features a retreat center, which is fairly common.
Here’s where I stayed: the other three deacons were down the road in a retreat house.
Note the Lady of Pain statue of Mary. Gotta love it!
We were about 20 minutes south of Green Bay, and we had a lot more time together than usual: two prayer times, daily Mass, three meals, two or three sessions where Father John talked at us about something he deemed important enough to reflect upon, and a movie following dinner. Allow to add one more detail: his movies were 2.5 to 3 hours long - one for each full day we were there. What this means is that we had relatively little time to pray and/or rest. I seemed to be the only one bothered by that fact, which surprised me. Luckily, at the start, Father John stated that we were free to do as we pleased: one of us could even skip a formation session and drive into town if we felt that we needed to get away in that manner. So I took Father John up on his offer: I skipped two movies out of three as well as Monday's lunch and afternoon session. Naturally, this made Monday extremely fruitful in terms of praying and mentally preparing myself for all the things life will be throwing at me in the years to come. My decision to go my own way was one I most certainly do NOT regret in the slightest.
We had a retreat house with three rooms; two separate rooms were in the convent proper. I got one of those rooms, with Father John on the far side of the chapel. This worked out perfectly: the other three wanted to be together, and I had one of the cars, so it was reasonable for me to be the only deacon not sleeping in the retreat house. This gave me much more alone time than I would have gotten otherwise, and I was about 12 steps away from the main chapel - the same one the nuns used. Thus, we come to the main part of the story.
Silence - TOTAL SILENCE vs singing
Ok, so you know how assassins, thieves, ninjas, or other stealthy characters often train at monestaries? I get that now. There is a profound and deep quiet to this place. When I first entered the chapel upon arrival, I was awed by the majestic quiet of the space. Later that night, around 9:30 pm or so, I had another chance to go to chapel on my own. Little did I know that the nuns were in the middle of night prayer, which apparently goes from 9:00 to 10:00. Mind you, no one could see me, as this was a strict Carmelite convent: the nuns were cloistered from the world in a very real sense. They use a different part of the chapel, and there isn't even line-of-sight between them and chapel visitors.
So I walked in to the chapel, which was totally silent. But a moment after I sat down, the nuns continued their readings and sung responses. I was embarrassed to have interrupted: it sounded like every step I took echoed throughout the entire space. And from that point, every single thing I did made noise. I used the kneeler, and it creaked louder than any other kneeler in recorded history. I could hear the pages of my book creak and crackle as I turned the page. And when I decided to head back to my room, I tried with all my might to be silent and slip away without sound. I failed. Every single step I took was like a tiny boot stomp. I have always considered myself on the sly side, so the inherent noisiness of my existence bothered me. Mind you, I didn't burst out in tears over this, but it was an unwelcome surprise.
Three days later, I did much better. I slipped in to the chapel before the nuns got there, silently opened and closed my book, raised up the kneeler during a particularly loud verse of a song, and slipped away at the end soundlessly! I'm not exactly sure what I did differently, but I certainly managed to step without making any noise to echo throughout the chapel. It was kind of a fun little training exercise in being stealthy. So take it from me: monestaries and convents are the place to go for training would-be spies, rogues, and any other dexterity-based heroes.
On the note of training, I chose to push myself physically as well as spiritually during this time. Besides some simple room exercises, I went on three outdoor runs: one per full day, with Monday as a rest day. According to my car, it was about twenty degrees when I ran around the 2:00 - 3:00 range. And while my runs were a mere 20 minute thing, they were a tough 20 minutes. I don't own winter running gear, and the snowy roads weren't very reliable when it came to traction. Still, it was a pleasure to get outside, play some music, and explore the area around the convent. I had some trouble breathing near the end due to the low humidity and temperature, and my fingers were aching from the elements, but overall it was time well spent. Naturally, I was imagining that this was all part of the training. After all, do not the Bene Gesserits teach us that human beings can surpass any pain?
This is about as far as I could get while still being able to see the monestary. It’s just to the right of those wooden posts.
Bonus picture: I had to laugh at the baby deer statue covered to its neck in snow. I thought of the strange animal combinations in Avatar. Prairie Deer!
Reverence and Awe
The other thing worth reflecting upon is the sheer holiness of the space. I'm picky about such things, and this chapel was exactly what I needed. It was quiet and beautiful, with a true serenity to the general atmosphere. I was surprised to feel such respect for a space with which I had so little contact. Of course, the surrounding countryside and snows helped the sense of being apart from busy daily life (in a good way). I felt like I had what I needed to really sink my teeth into the most challenging issues I still had left to struggle with. And thankfully, I was able to do exactly that. Questions such as "how the hell did I get to this point?" as well as "why do I feel like college and seminary were years spent in profoundly opposite ways?" all got the time they deserved and needed. Now, with only three months left to go till I'm thrust into Real Life (as opposed to never-ending studies), I'm all set - mentally and spiritually.
Of course, I also found a new and exciting way to get thrown out of seminary (yes, I know that I have a lot of those these days). See here’s the chapel from my point-of-view.
The nuns would be to the right of the picture, in a different part of the chapel with no line-of-sight to the visitor sections. It came with a big ol’ gate, just in case!
After being alone so long, I started wondering “I’ll bet I could climb that! I wonder how silently I could do it!” But the consequences would be catastrophic, so I was quick to move on to less extreme silliness.
Shepherd
There was one bit of fun reading which I had been saving for quite a while. On Monday, when I had enough time for everything else, I put on my clergy shirt and Firefly replica pants, sat down in my chair, and read Serenity: A Shepherd's Tale.
It's a graphic novel and covers Shepherd Book's backstory before Firefly began. I need not write what you already know, but it was an excellent use of time and a perfect addition to the rest of my retreat. I'm torn about what to write from here; after all, I would hate to spoil the novel for anyone else with an interest to read it. What I will say for now, is that the novel’s theme was one of transitioning from self-preservation to self-discovery.
Me vs the other guys?
Strangely, it seemed like I was in a far greater need for alone time than the others. My fellow deacons were more comfortable with the group sessions of the day, and look forward to the movies played after dinner. I had a strange sense that I was in my own little world for those few days, with occasional overlap with the others. But as I said, that’s what I needed at the time, and I’m prepared for the last three months of classes. I’m sure they’ll go by in a blur of activity!