Sometimes I hate myself.
So I was totally losing my mind this morning, I just hit a wall.
And it probably has something to do with the fact that on top of being a full time graduate student (which is a lot more work than a full time undergrad), I have worked 33 hours this past week, not including the time I worked today (sunday).
I've worked all week and things are really tough when I'm constantly moving between classes, homework, work and meeting and dress parades and rehearsals. So it's probably a mixture of exhaustion and stress. And having no time to go to the gym lately, which makes me sad and gives me no place to get my frustration out. And feeling bad about what I'm eating since I'm not working it off.
Now, these things can set a person off on their own, but someone just saying *just* the wrong thing can really set you off especially after a long day of work. But because of going out, I didn't let it out really until the morning.
See, [again] a straight couple was trying to get me to go home with them I guess to show them a good time. I found myself originally just dancing with the girl and the rest of my friends at the club. Then she wouldn't stop coming back to me, and ignoring her boyfriend for me, and SOMEHOW I ended up sandwiched between them, they stat making out, and thehn seconds later he decides to go for my neck. Yeah, got out of their like a bat out of hell. Why is it that they want me more than I am wanted by individuals? Is it that my personality is really only charming in the beginning and they find me attractive? That's great. Why can't I have someone who works great with me so I can have something monogamous?
I don't want to fill the void of someone else's relationships. No THANK YOU.
And I've felt really alone and pathetic because being single never bothered me before now and a lot of the time I wanted it. I guess the thing is, in my situation I barely have time for friends, and all of my friends are related directly to everything that makes me crazy (although they can help out a lot). But in the end, in a tough, pressuring situation like this, you need someone to really be there for you like a companion. A significant other. The one person that can really push you through when you have no more energy left. And even though I think I made the right decision in ending what I was in, I am feeling so empty without it.
And I hate myself in it.
And my friends being all hyped up about Valentine's Day is really not helping. Most of the time I just don't care one way or another about it, but for some reason, it's pissing me off right now.
So yeah, that's what was beating me this morning. But now I'm okay because I'm worried about everything I need to get done tomorrow!
And it probably has something to do with the fact that on top of being a full time graduate student (which is a lot more work than a full time undergrad), I have worked 33 hours this past week, not including the time I worked today (sunday).
I've worked all week and things are really tough when I'm constantly moving between classes, homework, work and meeting and dress parades and rehearsals. So it's probably a mixture of exhaustion and stress. And having no time to go to the gym lately, which makes me sad and gives me no place to get my frustration out. And feeling bad about what I'm eating since I'm not working it off.
Now, these things can set a person off on their own, but someone just saying *just* the wrong thing can really set you off especially after a long day of work. But because of going out, I didn't let it out really until the morning.
See, [again] a straight couple was trying to get me to go home with them I guess to show them a good time. I found myself originally just dancing with the girl and the rest of my friends at the club. Then she wouldn't stop coming back to me, and ignoring her boyfriend for me, and SOMEHOW I ended up sandwiched between them, they stat making out, and thehn seconds later he decides to go for my neck. Yeah, got out of their like a bat out of hell. Why is it that they want me more than I am wanted by individuals? Is it that my personality is really only charming in the beginning and they find me attractive? That's great. Why can't I have someone who works great with me so I can have something monogamous?
I don't want to fill the void of someone else's relationships. No THANK YOU.
And I've felt really alone and pathetic because being single never bothered me before now and a lot of the time I wanted it. I guess the thing is, in my situation I barely have time for friends, and all of my friends are related directly to everything that makes me crazy (although they can help out a lot). But in the end, in a tough, pressuring situation like this, you need someone to really be there for you like a companion. A significant other. The one person that can really push you through when you have no more energy left. And even though I think I made the right decision in ending what I was in, I am feeling so empty without it.
And I hate myself in it.
And my friends being all hyped up about Valentine's Day is really not helping. Most of the time I just don't care one way or another about it, but for some reason, it's pissing me off right now.
So yeah, that's what was beating me this morning. But now I'm okay because I'm worried about everything I need to get done tomorrow!