SO....Things Change.
Well it's the end of the semester and I suddenly had an actual want to write something on here. I am pretty tired overall, because even though I got plenty of rest last night does not mean that that's been a common thing in the last two weeks.
Last week was full of papers/final projects and Tech Week. I now realize what people who take on multiple jobs on a show go through. I was the scene designer, and my own scene charge and scenic artist. Which meant that during the day I had to paint whenever I could and delegate, as well as go to tech rehearsals at night and take notes for the TD and myself to fix the next day.
Fortunately I did get to work with an awesome TD. Jeff is a lot of fun. I could talk to him about a lot of things, and we would make suggestions to each other on things to fix or just how something might look nicer.
He and Steven were basically the reasons I got through the week. We all had insane schedules even outside of tech week, so we spent a lot of time working around each other to help focus/stay awake, and grab food together considering we had to cram that in somewhere.
Not to say that my other friends weren't there. Whenever I went to someone even just to have a moment to talk, you were there, and I really appreciate that.
Although some other things were not quite clicking. I think last week was one of the hardest weeks I've had in ... possible forever. And I didn't need added stressors, just support. But I guess things didn't go quite right with Tommy and I and it ended up being something I didn't need.
And now it's finals week. It's been up and down on stress. It's been okay (despite the fact that the History of Musical Theater final was THE MOST INSANE THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. That was NOT a comprehensive exam, that was a random possible people/fact thing that I was not expecting in my wildest dreams. Hopefully the bullshit essay was quality enough to get me a 60 or something, and hopefully the curve will be SUFFICIENT TO ALLOW US ALL TO PASS THE FINAL.
Seriously, I'm not being overdramatic about it at all, it really was THAT BAD. I didn't think it was possible to make a final be like that. It was depressing.
So who knows with that. This week has been an emotional one for me, and I'm sure that hasn't really helped with everything else I had to get done so I can actually graduate two sundays from now. I've been having feelings for someone else. Which turns out not to be the big issue, just the issue that leads me to the others: lack of support, possible lack of compatibility, and just realizations of my situation that I had before, and a sense of clarity of where I am as a person.
I am not ready to be married. I'm only 22, and I always realized that was very young, but I figured that the person and the situation made that null in void (at least in this case). I'm just not there yet in my life. I don't need to be getting married yet anyway. I can live on my own, I've learned that, and I've gotten myself the opportunity of a lifetime: a chance to go to grad school on a full scholarship and graduate assistantship. (Note: I did finally get my acceptance to the school of UIUC, not just the department).
I seem to need something with less pressure, more casual. Something that's easy and not high maintenance. I'm very low maintenance - when I have a problem I mostly want someone to either listen or be willing to in case I need it. That's all. And it seems like I can't deal with much more right now. That sounds really selfish, but if there's any time to be that it's when I'm young, before I'm married, before I have kids.
We're on a break, and I know I just sound like I'm stealing things from FRIENDS but that's the best way to describe it. I just need some time to get my life into gear. This is a huge transition - graduating from college/leaving my friends and family to moving to Illinois/starting graduate school. It's huge. Anything else would be extraordinarily overwhelming, and everything it hard right now, and I haven't even started the transition.
I feel like everything is changing, good and bad, and I'm not sure where I personally stand at the moment.
...I think I just need to walk across that stage and get my stupid bachelor's degree.
Last week was full of papers/final projects and Tech Week. I now realize what people who take on multiple jobs on a show go through. I was the scene designer, and my own scene charge and scenic artist. Which meant that during the day I had to paint whenever I could and delegate, as well as go to tech rehearsals at night and take notes for the TD and myself to fix the next day.
Fortunately I did get to work with an awesome TD. Jeff is a lot of fun. I could talk to him about a lot of things, and we would make suggestions to each other on things to fix or just how something might look nicer.
He and Steven were basically the reasons I got through the week. We all had insane schedules even outside of tech week, so we spent a lot of time working around each other to help focus/stay awake, and grab food together considering we had to cram that in somewhere.
Not to say that my other friends weren't there. Whenever I went to someone even just to have a moment to talk, you were there, and I really appreciate that.
Although some other things were not quite clicking. I think last week was one of the hardest weeks I've had in ... possible forever. And I didn't need added stressors, just support. But I guess things didn't go quite right with Tommy and I and it ended up being something I didn't need.
And now it's finals week. It's been up and down on stress. It's been okay (despite the fact that the History of Musical Theater final was THE MOST INSANE THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. That was NOT a comprehensive exam, that was a random possible people/fact thing that I was not expecting in my wildest dreams. Hopefully the bullshit essay was quality enough to get me a 60 or something, and hopefully the curve will be SUFFICIENT TO ALLOW US ALL TO PASS THE FINAL.
Seriously, I'm not being overdramatic about it at all, it really was THAT BAD. I didn't think it was possible to make a final be like that. It was depressing.
So who knows with that. This week has been an emotional one for me, and I'm sure that hasn't really helped with everything else I had to get done so I can actually graduate two sundays from now. I've been having feelings for someone else. Which turns out not to be the big issue, just the issue that leads me to the others: lack of support, possible lack of compatibility, and just realizations of my situation that I had before, and a sense of clarity of where I am as a person.
I am not ready to be married. I'm only 22, and I always realized that was very young, but I figured that the person and the situation made that null in void (at least in this case). I'm just not there yet in my life. I don't need to be getting married yet anyway. I can live on my own, I've learned that, and I've gotten myself the opportunity of a lifetime: a chance to go to grad school on a full scholarship and graduate assistantship. (Note: I did finally get my acceptance to the school of UIUC, not just the department).
I seem to need something with less pressure, more casual. Something that's easy and not high maintenance. I'm very low maintenance - when I have a problem I mostly want someone to either listen or be willing to in case I need it. That's all. And it seems like I can't deal with much more right now. That sounds really selfish, but if there's any time to be that it's when I'm young, before I'm married, before I have kids.
We're on a break, and I know I just sound like I'm stealing things from FRIENDS but that's the best way to describe it. I just need some time to get my life into gear. This is a huge transition - graduating from college/leaving my friends and family to moving to Illinois/starting graduate school. It's huge. Anything else would be extraordinarily overwhelming, and everything it hard right now, and I haven't even started the transition.
I feel like everything is changing, good and bad, and I'm not sure where I personally stand at the moment.
...I think I just need to walk across that stage and get my stupid bachelor's degree.