(no subject)
I think of myself as a remarkably simple person. Now there are those who need a lot, attention, validation, that sort of thing. I try to do without those, because well, I don't get them. No one validates me for my work, at my job I'm treated like shit, and at the bar I go to, while I love them all, I'm sick of being assumed to be an idiot. The artwork I do doesn't have any real market, and even when it does its hard to sell it.
I'm happy when I'm curled up with my kittens, in fact I can spend hours just being amazed at how they look and cuddle and even breath. I love that more then anything else.
I also like watching TV, even if to the outside viewer who may think my comments mean I hate whatever it is I"m watching, I enjoy critically thinking when I watch a show. I like getting involved with it and having a good time understanding it.
I like rp, not in the kinky sex way, or the dungons and dragons way, but in the online chilling out and playing grown up make belive.
I've been involved with one for over a year, playing a charachter that I indetify so strongly with that it physically hurts at times. This charachter was a slave and throughout the HUGE backstory I'd created was that this person was breed and had a child back on the training compound. It was osmething that was oh so minor but had been bothering my and I wanted to adress it with my partner.
Who dropped the line because of it. Without even talking it over with me. Now it wasn't like "woah, drop!" She explained to me that she didn't want the kid in the line and all that, and I understand it, adding kids to the line almost always fucks it up. But this charachter didn't veiw himself as a father, he veiwed himself as a breeder and would NEVER bring it up. He was seventeen and had been severely abused, wasn't about to bring up having a child, or even wanting to have a kid wiht this guy. Never would have mentioned the child to him and the thing that annoys me, is that I could have kept my mouth shut and still had this line.
Now I'm not in a good place right now, I owe my student loans, the one friend I have down here has no time for me, because of other issues which he uses me as his couceler for, and I hate my job because no one even really likes me there. I have almost crippeling social anxiety issues and have been off and on diagnosed with Austism in verying shades. Those things make it hard to have connections.
So, it was always really nice to be able to come home and squee and escape into this world where these two charachters loved eachother because as I grow older I feel more and more certian that I won't find anyone.
Loosing this line is loosing one of the last things I had that was fun and happy and made happy just to have. I've been crying for an hour over this and don't know why I'm so pathetic, I'm glad my net has been down because other wise I'd be begging this person to take me back.
I just, I'm a simple person, I have simple pleasures. and there isn't anything I can do about this. I feel like shit, and worse because there's no way to explain it to anyone else. If I had a break up, I could talk to people about it, but this, there's no one to talk about it with,
It took me five months to get this person wiht this line, and I haven't been able to get another one really since this started, (Except for the prohebition line wiht Shade but that one we bounce back and forth on) So I'm not even sure I'll be able to get another line going to replace this one.
I just I've gone/been going through the worst depression I've had recently and I'll really miss having this to make me feel better or feel anything at all.
I'm happy when I'm curled up with my kittens, in fact I can spend hours just being amazed at how they look and cuddle and even breath. I love that more then anything else.
I also like watching TV, even if to the outside viewer who may think my comments mean I hate whatever it is I"m watching, I enjoy critically thinking when I watch a show. I like getting involved with it and having a good time understanding it.
I like rp, not in the kinky sex way, or the dungons and dragons way, but in the online chilling out and playing grown up make belive.
I've been involved with one for over a year, playing a charachter that I indetify so strongly with that it physically hurts at times. This charachter was a slave and throughout the HUGE backstory I'd created was that this person was breed and had a child back on the training compound. It was osmething that was oh so minor but had been bothering my and I wanted to adress it with my partner.
Who dropped the line because of it. Without even talking it over with me. Now it wasn't like "woah, drop!" She explained to me that she didn't want the kid in the line and all that, and I understand it, adding kids to the line almost always fucks it up. But this charachter didn't veiw himself as a father, he veiwed himself as a breeder and would NEVER bring it up. He was seventeen and had been severely abused, wasn't about to bring up having a child, or even wanting to have a kid wiht this guy. Never would have mentioned the child to him and the thing that annoys me, is that I could have kept my mouth shut and still had this line.
Now I'm not in a good place right now, I owe my student loans, the one friend I have down here has no time for me, because of other issues which he uses me as his couceler for, and I hate my job because no one even really likes me there. I have almost crippeling social anxiety issues and have been off and on diagnosed with Austism in verying shades. Those things make it hard to have connections.
So, it was always really nice to be able to come home and squee and escape into this world where these two charachters loved eachother because as I grow older I feel more and more certian that I won't find anyone.
Loosing this line is loosing one of the last things I had that was fun and happy and made happy just to have. I've been crying for an hour over this and don't know why I'm so pathetic, I'm glad my net has been down because other wise I'd be begging this person to take me back.
I just, I'm a simple person, I have simple pleasures. and there isn't anything I can do about this. I feel like shit, and worse because there's no way to explain it to anyone else. If I had a break up, I could talk to people about it, but this, there's no one to talk about it with,
It took me five months to get this person wiht this line, and I haven't been able to get another one really since this started, (Except for the prohebition line wiht Shade but that one we bounce back and forth on) So I'm not even sure I'll be able to get another line going to replace this one.
I just I've gone/been going through the worst depression I've had recently and I'll really miss having this to make me feel better or feel anything at all.