mr. david shingles
let me tell you about my good friend, mr. david shingles. there is no one on this great earth that is as crazy as mr. david shingles. when i tell stories about him, people's eyes grow wide with a mixture of fear, envy, and disbelief. here's a few stories which you might find interesting.
** i came home from work once to find mr. david shingles and my roommate lying on the living room floor, with their shirts lifted to their chests. they were rubbing their own bellies, and saying words like "pineapple", "ocean", "hawaii", and describing scenarios such as laying by a pool with a drink in one hand, while a beautiful native girl stroked their other hand. they also kept saying how relaxed they were. this lasted for about three hours, all the while with them trying to get me to join them in a relaxing session.
** mr. david shingles can dance. not just white boy, sway side to side dance, but kick it out bobby brown style dance. my favorite dance he does is to the hawaii-5-0 theme song. his face gets deadly serious, he starts shaking his ass like a hurricane, and will proceed to take off his shirt, do the catepillar, and rock like tomorrow will never come.
** we almost had mr. david shingles convinced that it would be an excellent idea to audition for gator growl with the following skit: shingles would paint his body completely green, and wear an orange and blue thong. the lights would go black in the stadium, and all the audience would hear is shingles saying softly, "who's that crazy gator gator, that crazy gator gator", and building that phrase up until the whole stadium was chanting along. right when the volume is at peak capacity, the flood lights would rise, and shingles would burst onto the field, yelling as loud as he could the phrase. he backed out at the last minute.
** mr. david shingles was pulled over by the police with a drug dealer and a crack whore (who was actually smoking crack at the time) in his mazda miata. nice.
there is one more story which is by far the craziest thing he has ever done, which i will save for a rainy day.
** i came home from work once to find mr. david shingles and my roommate lying on the living room floor, with their shirts lifted to their chests. they were rubbing their own bellies, and saying words like "pineapple", "ocean", "hawaii", and describing scenarios such as laying by a pool with a drink in one hand, while a beautiful native girl stroked their other hand. they also kept saying how relaxed they were. this lasted for about three hours, all the while with them trying to get me to join them in a relaxing session.
** mr. david shingles can dance. not just white boy, sway side to side dance, but kick it out bobby brown style dance. my favorite dance he does is to the hawaii-5-0 theme song. his face gets deadly serious, he starts shaking his ass like a hurricane, and will proceed to take off his shirt, do the catepillar, and rock like tomorrow will never come.
** we almost had mr. david shingles convinced that it would be an excellent idea to audition for gator growl with the following skit: shingles would paint his body completely green, and wear an orange and blue thong. the lights would go black in the stadium, and all the audience would hear is shingles saying softly, "who's that crazy gator gator, that crazy gator gator", and building that phrase up until the whole stadium was chanting along. right when the volume is at peak capacity, the flood lights would rise, and shingles would burst onto the field, yelling as loud as he could the phrase. he backed out at the last minute.
** mr. david shingles was pulled over by the police with a drug dealer and a crack whore (who was actually smoking crack at the time) in his mazda miata. nice.
there is one more story which is by far the craziest thing he has ever done, which i will save for a rainy day.