Fic: Resistance is Futile (Claude/Adam) 9/9
Title; Resistance is Futile
Pairing; Claude/Adam
Summary: Fifteen years ago, Claude came across someone he shouldn't have in the Company basement. Now, he must face him again.
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight
Rating: this part PG-13; the whole thing NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own words.
Thump. Claude opened his eyes the slightest sliver, his eyelashes brushing against the chest that cradled his head. Adam’s chest. Now that was a shocker. He hadn’t fallen asleep like this with anyone, not even him. Maybe Adam had arranged him like this, but no, wait. He remembered this, though his memory was all muddled with last night’s madness. He’d sought Adam’s body as a resting place, wrapping himself around him like a blanket yearning its wearer’s warmth. That was new. Couldn’t say he was complaining, though. Adam was quite comfortable. The strong beating of his heart reassured him, his breaths rising gently against Claude’s cheek soothing like the waves undulating at the shore, rocking you back and forth, only softer this time, gentler. Claude could get used to this. It wasn’t so bad, was it? Being with Adam? Touching him, smelling him (their shared scents mingled on each other’s skins, impossible to tell apart), kissing him. Claude’s bottom lip tingled with an urgent desire, but he didn’t want to get up, slumber possessing his limbs, so he simply turned his head, easing the itch on Adam’s pectoral, not kissing really, but simply rubbing his mouth against his skin, immersing himself in Adam. A man could get addicted to this.
Minutes, hours passed. He had to get up. Really. Careful not to wake Adam, Claude slowly rolled off him and climbed off the bed, but he didn’t look at his face, afraid, but he didn’t know what he feared most anymore, though enmeshed deep in his subconscious the real truth burned, but he didn’t want to listen. Claude fled to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. He ducked his head as he turned on the light, avoiding the mirror. What would he see, anyway? Nothing worth worrying over. It couldn’t be fixed. Right now, he just wanted a shower, a warm meal and a ticket to someplace where he didn’t have to feel like shit. Cold water struck his skin at full blast when he turned the knob, making his skin retreat into itself, but he welcomed it, eyes closed, head bowed, letting it chill his body and seep into his nerves, flaying the last of the sleepiness away until he was just a living sensation hungering in the air.
Adam was pacing outside when he exited the bathroom, wearing boxers and a t-shirt to Claude’s surprise. Perhaps he’d finally tired of tempting Claude with his nakedness. At the swish of the door, he stilled, looking expectantly at Claude, but he didn’t speak. Another surprise. New tactic, now? What else could it be? Claude passed by him and picked up his clothes from the bed. Adam must have put them there. They weren’t bunched up, either, but stretched out neatly, the gesture almost thoughtful. No. Mustn’t consider such things. That was led madness. Adam’s gaze weighed on his back as he dressed, but he still didn’t say a word, the silence growing so thick that Claude almost wanted to start a fight. That he could handle. Finally, he had everything on except his coat, but he hesitated, clutching the sleeve tightly in his right hand.
“Are you leaving?” Adam asked.
Claude breathed deep. “Maybe.”
The analog clock on the table clicked. Tick, tick.
“Can I convince you to stay?”
“Maybe.”
He turned towards Adam, who stood in the same place where he’d left him, arms crossed, face inscrutable, but something familiar, too deep to be true, too faint to be a lie, smoldered in his eyes. Claude’s breath shuddered. This was probably a bad idea. Hell, this whole thing was a bad idea from top to bottom, but he hadn’t stopped yet.
“I’m going to ask you a few things,” Claude said, deciding. “If I suspect for a second that you’re lying or distorting something or just not being 100 percent honest, I’m going out that door and you’ll never see me again. Are we clear on that?”
Adam contemplated him for a moment, then nodded.
“Yes. Quite clear.”
“Good. Now. Are you going to release the virus?”
“I don’t know “
“You mean you haven’t made up your mind?”
“Plans get derailed all the time. There’s always a chance it’ll go one way or the other.”
Phrasing loopholes. He needed to watch out for that.
“Do you plan to release it, then?”
Adam lowered his eyes for a moment.
“Yes.”
Something tore inside Claude, but it was all beat to shreds, anyway.
“But not yet,” Adam continued.
“What do you mean, not yet? You were all up and ready for it thirty years ago. Why would you put it off now?”
Adam just looked at him, unblinking. No. Oh, no, he was not playing that lame trick on him.
“You better as hell not be implying what I think you are.”
Adam frowned. “Why is that so bad?”
“Didn’t you listen to anything I said?”
“Yes, I did. I’m not saying I’m in love with you, if that’s what you’re accusing me of.”
“Good.”
“I just meant that I like you.”
“Oh, I know you like me. You weren’t faking last night.”
“It’s not just the sex, Claude.”
“Now that you can’t expect me to believe.”
“Why not?”
“Because it can’t be true. You, the man who loves humanity so much that he wants to exterminate it likes me for more than just a fuck? Very credible, mate.”
“Truth is often harder to swallow than lies. Now, I could lie to you and tell you that my only interest in you is sex since that’s what you want to believe, but it wouldn’t do me any good, would it?. But if I tell you the truth, you call me a liar. How am I supposed to win with you?”
“You can’t. Because you can’t stop being a sick, manipulative bastard whose only aim is to please himself.”
“Oh. And you’re so selfless, then? You go around being invisible, stealing people’s things, speaking to no one, refusing to do anything that doesn’t help your own survival. How does that make you any better?”
“I didn’t say it did.”
“Then what are you on about?”
“I don’t appreciate people using me.”
“Okay, then. Well, I’m very sorry I asked you to get me out of prison. Please do forgive me, I beg you.” Adam bowed, bending low at the waist as he clasped his hands together. “I can kneel if you want. Would that help?”
“No. But I’m glad you’ve stopped that diplomatic bullshit. This is more honest.”
“And yet you still don’t believe me.”
Claude crossed his arms, squeezing his ribs. They were going in circles.
“Why would you like me for anything else?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t I? Why can’t you recognize your own worth?”
Claude’s jaw clenched, teeth growing painfully tight.
“What are you now, my therapist? Don’t even think that that strategy is going to work.”
“Damn it, Claude! I’m not him, okay? I didn’t shoot you three times in the chest. In fact, I saved you from an injury that would have left you in pain for the rest of your life.”
“Which I wouldn’t have gotten if it weren’t for you! Because somewhere in that crazy, time cooked brain of yours you had to go: Hey, since I’m so bored in this endless existence, why don’t I kill everyone? You know, a change of scenery. Wouldn’t that just be smashing?”
Adam’s hands fisted, his lips drawn so tight that they disappeared in a white line, before forcing himself to relax, genuine anger flaring in his whole body. Claude congratulated himself.
“That’s not why I wanted to do it.”
“Really? Then why? Come on. Enlighten me. You’re constantly whinging that there’s something wrong with me. So then, what’s wrong with you?”
Adam crossed his arms, peering at Claude through narrowed eyes.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
Claude clapped his hands together. “Oh, well isn’t that just the most wonderful explanation ever? I’m completely satisfied now. All is forgiven.” He glared again. “It doesn’t work like that.”
An ugly sneer twisted Adam’s lips.
“You know how when you were little your parents would tell you that you’ll understand when you’re older? It’s something like that.”
“So I’m too young to understand, then_ I haven’t experienced enough to grasp your venerable centuries old wisdom?”
“IF you want to put it like that.”
Cheeky, arrogant fucker.
“I’m leaving. I can’t stand another second of this prattle.”
Claude started towards the door, taking a wide turn around Adam, but as soon as he placed his hand on the door, that insufferable voice rose again, but it didn’t say what he expected.
“I’m alone.”
What?
“I’ve been alone most of my life.”
Turn the knob, Claude told himself. Turn it. Turn it.
“The first few decades, it was because I didn’t trust anyone. Later it was because people kept dying on me. Of course, I can’t turn invisible like you. I couldn’t sink into the shadows. I talked, walked, fucked, morning after morning with my skin just as whole, as firm, but inside... Inside boiled the memories of wars and pestilence and dying and every time the world joined in their collective horror, swearing never again like a hopeless dieter jotting down “No more cake” in their New Year’s resolutions and the next day is stuffing his face. Telegraphs and phones and satellites, all shine and glamour, but nothing ever changes. Ever. I was tired. I’ve met people who’re fed up with it all after just forty years of life. I’ve endured it for over three centuries. Perhaps sanity can’t be accounted for.”
Claude stared at Adam’s slumped back, uncertain. He saw Adam’s hands curled tightly at his sides, his shoulders hunched with tension and sorrow. It had to be a ruse, some clever deception, yet his words had sounded so hollow, so bleak and familiar and there was a pain pulsating underneath that was impossible to fabricate.
“But,” Claude said, “there must have been something that wasn’t so bad. Something happy.”
Adam faced him, giving him a downtrodden smile.
“When was the last time you had any happiness, Claude?”
Claude couldn’t answer. Seven years of exile and at least a year of doubts and nightmares before that from the missions the Company sent him on didn’t exactly lead to joy. If he went back further, when he and Noah were friends and the sting of Adam’s true nature had faded away, he’d been happy. For a bit, at least. But that was so long ago.
“It’s been ages,” he said.
“Why don’t you try it again?”
“With you? Pardon me, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Then how? Who else is there that you’d be willing to open yourself to?”
A face, earnest and hopeful, flashed in Claude’s mind, but he pushed it away.
“There’s no one else here, Claude. It’s the two of us again, stuck in this cell and it’s your choice whether to stay or walk out.”
“But now you can walk out, too. There’s nothing tying you here.”
“Then why haven’t I? You keep pushing me away, yet I’m still here, clinging on by tooth and nail. No small diversion is worth this much trouble.”
“But what else can I be? I’ll age and sicken and die and you’ll still be here to live another century.”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
This time, Claude knew Adam’s sincerity wasn’t fake. It swelled in the depths of his pupils, the tight wrinkle at the corners of his lips, the awkward tensing of his fingers on his arms. Aw, shit. Claude could ignore it, save himself the trouble of staying in a situation that had every possibility of blowing up in his face, but what else was he going to do? Here at least he knew where he stood, and even if he didn't find happiness he might get some comfort. And that was better than nothing at all.
“All right,” he said. “I’ll stay.”
||||
Well, that's the end. Of part 1. It was supposed to end here, but... these things happen. So there will be a sequel. I'm already working on it. I can't make any promises about when I'll have it done, though.
Pairing; Claude/Adam
Summary: Fifteen years ago, Claude came across someone he shouldn't have in the Company basement. Now, he must face him again.
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight
Rating: this part PG-13; the whole thing NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own words.
Thump. Claude opened his eyes the slightest sliver, his eyelashes brushing against the chest that cradled his head. Adam’s chest. Now that was a shocker. He hadn’t fallen asleep like this with anyone, not even him. Maybe Adam had arranged him like this, but no, wait. He remembered this, though his memory was all muddled with last night’s madness. He’d sought Adam’s body as a resting place, wrapping himself around him like a blanket yearning its wearer’s warmth. That was new. Couldn’t say he was complaining, though. Adam was quite comfortable. The strong beating of his heart reassured him, his breaths rising gently against Claude’s cheek soothing like the waves undulating at the shore, rocking you back and forth, only softer this time, gentler. Claude could get used to this. It wasn’t so bad, was it? Being with Adam? Touching him, smelling him (their shared scents mingled on each other’s skins, impossible to tell apart), kissing him. Claude’s bottom lip tingled with an urgent desire, but he didn’t want to get up, slumber possessing his limbs, so he simply turned his head, easing the itch on Adam’s pectoral, not kissing really, but simply rubbing his mouth against his skin, immersing himself in Adam. A man could get addicted to this.
Minutes, hours passed. He had to get up. Really. Careful not to wake Adam, Claude slowly rolled off him and climbed off the bed, but he didn’t look at his face, afraid, but he didn’t know what he feared most anymore, though enmeshed deep in his subconscious the real truth burned, but he didn’t want to listen. Claude fled to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. He ducked his head as he turned on the light, avoiding the mirror. What would he see, anyway? Nothing worth worrying over. It couldn’t be fixed. Right now, he just wanted a shower, a warm meal and a ticket to someplace where he didn’t have to feel like shit. Cold water struck his skin at full blast when he turned the knob, making his skin retreat into itself, but he welcomed it, eyes closed, head bowed, letting it chill his body and seep into his nerves, flaying the last of the sleepiness away until he was just a living sensation hungering in the air.
Adam was pacing outside when he exited the bathroom, wearing boxers and a t-shirt to Claude’s surprise. Perhaps he’d finally tired of tempting Claude with his nakedness. At the swish of the door, he stilled, looking expectantly at Claude, but he didn’t speak. Another surprise. New tactic, now? What else could it be? Claude passed by him and picked up his clothes from the bed. Adam must have put them there. They weren’t bunched up, either, but stretched out neatly, the gesture almost thoughtful. No. Mustn’t consider such things. That was led madness. Adam’s gaze weighed on his back as he dressed, but he still didn’t say a word, the silence growing so thick that Claude almost wanted to start a fight. That he could handle. Finally, he had everything on except his coat, but he hesitated, clutching the sleeve tightly in his right hand.
“Are you leaving?” Adam asked.
Claude breathed deep. “Maybe.”
The analog clock on the table clicked. Tick, tick.
“Can I convince you to stay?”
“Maybe.”
He turned towards Adam, who stood in the same place where he’d left him, arms crossed, face inscrutable, but something familiar, too deep to be true, too faint to be a lie, smoldered in his eyes. Claude’s breath shuddered. This was probably a bad idea. Hell, this whole thing was a bad idea from top to bottom, but he hadn’t stopped yet.
“I’m going to ask you a few things,” Claude said, deciding. “If I suspect for a second that you’re lying or distorting something or just not being 100 percent honest, I’m going out that door and you’ll never see me again. Are we clear on that?”
Adam contemplated him for a moment, then nodded.
“Yes. Quite clear.”
“Good. Now. Are you going to release the virus?”
“I don’t know “
“You mean you haven’t made up your mind?”
“Plans get derailed all the time. There’s always a chance it’ll go one way or the other.”
Phrasing loopholes. He needed to watch out for that.
“Do you plan to release it, then?”
Adam lowered his eyes for a moment.
“Yes.”
Something tore inside Claude, but it was all beat to shreds, anyway.
“But not yet,” Adam continued.
“What do you mean, not yet? You were all up and ready for it thirty years ago. Why would you put it off now?”
Adam just looked at him, unblinking. No. Oh, no, he was not playing that lame trick on him.
“You better as hell not be implying what I think you are.”
Adam frowned. “Why is that so bad?”
“Didn’t you listen to anything I said?”
“Yes, I did. I’m not saying I’m in love with you, if that’s what you’re accusing me of.”
“Good.”
“I just meant that I like you.”
“Oh, I know you like me. You weren’t faking last night.”
“It’s not just the sex, Claude.”
“Now that you can’t expect me to believe.”
“Why not?”
“Because it can’t be true. You, the man who loves humanity so much that he wants to exterminate it likes me for more than just a fuck? Very credible, mate.”
“Truth is often harder to swallow than lies. Now, I could lie to you and tell you that my only interest in you is sex since that’s what you want to believe, but it wouldn’t do me any good, would it?. But if I tell you the truth, you call me a liar. How am I supposed to win with you?”
“You can’t. Because you can’t stop being a sick, manipulative bastard whose only aim is to please himself.”
“Oh. And you’re so selfless, then? You go around being invisible, stealing people’s things, speaking to no one, refusing to do anything that doesn’t help your own survival. How does that make you any better?”
“I didn’t say it did.”
“Then what are you on about?”
“I don’t appreciate people using me.”
“Okay, then. Well, I’m very sorry I asked you to get me out of prison. Please do forgive me, I beg you.” Adam bowed, bending low at the waist as he clasped his hands together. “I can kneel if you want. Would that help?”
“No. But I’m glad you’ve stopped that diplomatic bullshit. This is more honest.”
“And yet you still don’t believe me.”
Claude crossed his arms, squeezing his ribs. They were going in circles.
“Why would you like me for anything else?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t I? Why can’t you recognize your own worth?”
Claude’s jaw clenched, teeth growing painfully tight.
“What are you now, my therapist? Don’t even think that that strategy is going to work.”
“Damn it, Claude! I’m not him, okay? I didn’t shoot you three times in the chest. In fact, I saved you from an injury that would have left you in pain for the rest of your life.”
“Which I wouldn’t have gotten if it weren’t for you! Because somewhere in that crazy, time cooked brain of yours you had to go: Hey, since I’m so bored in this endless existence, why don’t I kill everyone? You know, a change of scenery. Wouldn’t that just be smashing?”
Adam’s hands fisted, his lips drawn so tight that they disappeared in a white line, before forcing himself to relax, genuine anger flaring in his whole body. Claude congratulated himself.
“That’s not why I wanted to do it.”
“Really? Then why? Come on. Enlighten me. You’re constantly whinging that there’s something wrong with me. So then, what’s wrong with you?”
Adam crossed his arms, peering at Claude through narrowed eyes.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
Claude clapped his hands together. “Oh, well isn’t that just the most wonderful explanation ever? I’m completely satisfied now. All is forgiven.” He glared again. “It doesn’t work like that.”
An ugly sneer twisted Adam’s lips.
“You know how when you were little your parents would tell you that you’ll understand when you’re older? It’s something like that.”
“So I’m too young to understand, then_ I haven’t experienced enough to grasp your venerable centuries old wisdom?”
“IF you want to put it like that.”
Cheeky, arrogant fucker.
“I’m leaving. I can’t stand another second of this prattle.”
Claude started towards the door, taking a wide turn around Adam, but as soon as he placed his hand on the door, that insufferable voice rose again, but it didn’t say what he expected.
“I’m alone.”
What?
“I’ve been alone most of my life.”
Turn the knob, Claude told himself. Turn it. Turn it.
“The first few decades, it was because I didn’t trust anyone. Later it was because people kept dying on me. Of course, I can’t turn invisible like you. I couldn’t sink into the shadows. I talked, walked, fucked, morning after morning with my skin just as whole, as firm, but inside... Inside boiled the memories of wars and pestilence and dying and every time the world joined in their collective horror, swearing never again like a hopeless dieter jotting down “No more cake” in their New Year’s resolutions and the next day is stuffing his face. Telegraphs and phones and satellites, all shine and glamour, but nothing ever changes. Ever. I was tired. I’ve met people who’re fed up with it all after just forty years of life. I’ve endured it for over three centuries. Perhaps sanity can’t be accounted for.”
Claude stared at Adam’s slumped back, uncertain. He saw Adam’s hands curled tightly at his sides, his shoulders hunched with tension and sorrow. It had to be a ruse, some clever deception, yet his words had sounded so hollow, so bleak and familiar and there was a pain pulsating underneath that was impossible to fabricate.
“But,” Claude said, “there must have been something that wasn’t so bad. Something happy.”
Adam faced him, giving him a downtrodden smile.
“When was the last time you had any happiness, Claude?”
Claude couldn’t answer. Seven years of exile and at least a year of doubts and nightmares before that from the missions the Company sent him on didn’t exactly lead to joy. If he went back further, when he and Noah were friends and the sting of Adam’s true nature had faded away, he’d been happy. For a bit, at least. But that was so long ago.
“It’s been ages,” he said.
“Why don’t you try it again?”
“With you? Pardon me, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Then how? Who else is there that you’d be willing to open yourself to?”
A face, earnest and hopeful, flashed in Claude’s mind, but he pushed it away.
“There’s no one else here, Claude. It’s the two of us again, stuck in this cell and it’s your choice whether to stay or walk out.”
“But now you can walk out, too. There’s nothing tying you here.”
“Then why haven’t I? You keep pushing me away, yet I’m still here, clinging on by tooth and nail. No small diversion is worth this much trouble.”
“But what else can I be? I’ll age and sicken and die and you’ll still be here to live another century.”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
This time, Claude knew Adam’s sincerity wasn’t fake. It swelled in the depths of his pupils, the tight wrinkle at the corners of his lips, the awkward tensing of his fingers on his arms. Aw, shit. Claude could ignore it, save himself the trouble of staying in a situation that had every possibility of blowing up in his face, but what else was he going to do? Here at least he knew where he stood, and even if he didn't find happiness he might get some comfort. And that was better than nothing at all.
“All right,” he said. “I’ll stay.”
||||
Well, that's the end. Of part 1. It was supposed to end here, but... these things happen. So there will be a sequel. I'm already working on it. I can't make any promises about when I'll have it done, though.