you and me are family
i dont like to talk to my mom
her voice just makes me mad
i don't like to talk to my dad
generaly im not in the mood
more or less i want my space
and i don't want to talk about it, either
i put up this wall
and i can't figure it out
because at the same time
i feel better in so many ways
or maybe i just feel safe
like a phony stability?
my friend brittany and i went to vashon together. one of the buses was canceled so we missed our ferry and got to the island 40 minutes later than expected. brian wasn't there to pick us up so we hitched a ride to brian's house. brian wasn't home so we hiked into town.
the hike took two hours! we were so tired and it was getting dark but we lived so that's okay.
i ran into first grade buddies andrew and anthony at the bar. that was exciting. then i found joe at the bar across the street at another bar. joe said brian was at work.
i guess brian and i miss communicated. actualy, i miss read brian. i thought he said "ill get off work before 400" but he really said "ill be at work before 400" so he wasn't off until 900. but by 900 joe and i had our fill of beer and philosophy and were ready to go home.
we almost had to huke back to brian's home but we randomly ran into brian's boss stumbeling out of yet another bar and he was able to get ahold of brian and so he could come meet us at the bar for some more drinks.
the evening was topped off with some pasties and pharmacy rock and roll at my arch-nemisis's birthday bash. i highly reccoment the pasties music. go check it out.
the evening was finnished at brian's house with some red red wine. delicious!
in an email to my dad i told him:
i find ti funny when people try to make sense of the world. i notice that liberal thinkers try to do this a lot. as immoral as the conservative party likes to label the liberal party, they really are the most moral people in america and they project their opinions of right and wrong onto other people just as much as devout bible thumping christians. this kind of latent hypocracy humors me and frusterates me all at once.
to paint a cliche picture, i'd say a republican walks into a bar and finds two men kissing and says to them "i dissaprove of your public display of affection and would greatly appreciate if you cease your ways and turn to jesus!" and of course, they turn around and say "who are you to judge us?! are you a biggot?"
it's for this distinction that i feel often rejected by both sides of the political spectrum. i have a very uncertain and vague political view and yet i follow my uncertainty with such conviction, i often throw people out of their comfort zone. i suppose this makes me a radical thinker.
not long ago i've decided if republicans are empowered by their pompous religious affiliations then their big coorperate interists are easily swayed by champagne and flowery poetry. in my journalism class we watched an old political ralley from the reagan era and yet i think the same exact speech could have been made today and nobody would have noticed.
as much as a liberal will talk to you about grey area, he actualy thinks in black and white dualities. every liberal speaker i've listened to has told me about a battle of us against them so to speak. liberal peoples are always fighting hunger and famine and they'd probably fight off death itself if they could find someone to blame.
and yet a republican is just as bad. anybody can spot the us against them mentality. for example, these select things are ordained by god and these things are condemned by god.
i don't know why these things frusterate me so much. for the longest time i've felt that everything breaks down to a duality. meataphysicly speaking, this is absolutley true. if you break everything down far enough, you find nothing but posative electrons and negative neutrons and those are the building blocks of the universe. kind of like a mosaic is built up from black and white tiles, the entire universe is composed of black and white issues that look hazey and grey from afar.
i still feel that way, actualy. but i am willing to believe this is because i do not posess the brain capacity to think in anything other than dualisms. also, i don't want to argue by analogy.
i heard a guy say once that "there are two kinds of people: people who see that there are only two kinds of people and those that think differently. personaly, i think differently." and personaly, i like the paradox. i think differently, too.
so when i hear someone say "none of us are true americans because if we look back in our ancestory far enough, someone traveled here from somewhere else." and although this concept stands quite nicely on it's own, it fails on a global level because all of mankind orrigionated in the cradle of life somewhere in africa. is that what science tells us today?
logic brings us to a singularity.
also liberals fight to protect nature from mankind. i find this funny because asside from their sentimental attatchment to the world as it is now they offer no explination why it would be a bad thing if mankind triumphed over nature. i find this funny because they fail to recognise that mankind is nature.
logic brings us to another singularity!
following their own logic, men evolved from apes. following their own logic, species have evolved and died out for millions of years. the world has survived for billions of years without greenpeace stepping in an interfering. do you think if the liberal armies were present during the paliolithic age, they would have protested the commet that destroyed the dinasaurs?
the plannet is not in danger of falling apart any time soon. the only thing we have to worry about is ourselves. nature has a clever way of surviving on it's own. perhaps the plannet will not survive as we know it today but it will survive. the question we should be asking ourselves is how are we going to continue living comfortably on an ever changing plannet?
and that is why i approve of almost all liberal platforms. i promote alternative fuels. i promote gay mairage because i believe that everyone must find their own path. i promote abortion and i welcome the chaos of modern society.
i also promote some strong conservative platforms. i condone of the death penalty and i would even condone corperal punnishment. although man's justice is often flawed, those who commit crimes against society need to be punnished. those that are guilty need to be punnished and those that are not guilty will be martyrs i suppose.
isn't it true that jesus was wrongfuly executed by the state as an anarchist? if the liberals were presnet durring the roman emprie, would they have tried to save christ? if republicans were present would they have put christ to death? jesus HAD to die at the hands of the state in order to save mankind!
i can see how some people would find my developing philosophies to be fasciest. i believe in unity, which is a strong fasciest statement. however, fasciests are the most extreme dualists you can find. it's US against THEM and THEY are evil and must be exterminated so that only US can remain and it's US who are destined to inherit the earth! this is putrid thinking. i believe us is all we have. there is no them. all we have is us.
in philosophy, we studdy some plato and aristotle and the thing i am most frusterated with is the greek philosopher's desire to draw order in the universe and explain it in mathematics.
einstine once said (more or less) that god does not play dice with the universe. to an extent, this is true because a dice would be too mathematical. it's created from imagination. at times, the imagination is mathematical but at other times the imagination is not so mathematical or maybe the math is simply beyond us.
aim with my dad:
PlatypusRex256: i am writing a long email to you
PlatypusRex256: mostly concerning our conversation yesterday
Guerci1: good. mom loves your emails so i hope it's something she will relate to as well. always love to have communications from Josh. I just got the news you sent about the 07 tution hike. oh well we will see what happens - been ...
PlatypusRex256: yes
PlatypusRex256: i went to vashon last night and spent the night there with brian and joe... it's always good to reconnect with those guys.
Guerci1: talking with uncle jim about grandma guerci helping you and jp out with school expenses with donation gifting - and he is open to that and has discussed it with her
PlatypusRex256: we think along the same lines so we're able to clairify eachother i suppose
PlatypusRex256: oh thats great =)
Guerci1: he is telling me he knows it's tough and will do whatever he can to help pitch in some $$
PlatypusRex256: =)
Guerci1: that is why i want you to call him occasionally. be in touch. he has those phones to give you + said you never got the stuff on grandma's couch in the living room that i left for you. that included yet another phone with a battery in it that you can
PlatypusRex256: yes yes i know
Guerci1: charge up so you can have a cell phone service at no cost to you. that means if you use the one phone with the sim card in it and the battery goes down just exchange the battery in one that is charged and your in business
PlatypusRex256: i am sorry that i am difficult but sometimes i enjoy not having a cell phone.
Guerci1: you don't have to anser it or if you do just say you will call later and keep your conversations to a minimum. i understand and so will others . however keeping up connections with the people who wish to help you is important. i think grandma muller helps david muller with college and he calls her regularly and is in touch routinely. just takes a minute to say hello. make up some stuff to share and keep it short but like weekly
Guerci1: like maybe on sunday afternoon for 2 3 minutes that's all. uncle jim is not a big talker either so no danger there but it's the relationship you are establishing not the deep meaningful "life story" type of conversation. that's all i'm saying
PlatypusRex256: my main problem is that they never make an effort to get to know me
Guerci1: remember lonliness works on older people and grandsons (call grandma guerci as well considering what i am sharing here) but don not mention the the funding because she is at a stage with her memory she will not remember she spoke with uncle jim. in fact no meed to mention any of what i just shared with you to anyone including jill, grandma muller or mom so, ok i will wait for your email.
PlatypusRex256: jill tried the best and i will always thank her for that
PlatypusRex256: but in a general way, i have difficulty communicating with them because i find them cold
PlatypusRex256: they want to know things like how am i doing in school and how much time do i spend doing homework and how much money i'm making at work and how good my grades are.
Guerci1: i agree and so do i but look josh, you are very bright but think in ways that frighten them they are a more simple people and do not see the world as you and i do. you
PlatypusRex256: and i'm concerned more with what i'm learning and what ideas i'm gaining and where i am on my spiritual path
PlatypusRex256: its not that i don't think they can understand me its just that i don't think they want to... and i am not very good at pretending i care about the things they care about
Guerci1: i know. i think that is where you knowing that you can come up with a "line" that you repeat frequently for those people in your life who see the world that way.
PlatypusRex256: i can pretend for jill once in a while because i think jill and dan understands to a degree...
PlatypusRex256: its not a matter of complexity and inteligence its a matter of direction
Guerci1: well jill and dan are more educated and dan has some kids who are on the same path. sam is on that path and you can see how much headway he has made over the years witin his family ZILCH!!!
PlatypusRex256: i do not think same is on the same path
PlatypusRex256: and i'm starting to strongly resent the family's comparisons of me to sam
PlatypusRex256: i enjoy sam and i think we entertain eachother much but to me he will always be a left wing nut and kind of a hippie
PlatypusRex256: and i don't like his idealism
PlatypusRex256: i love sam and i think he's a great man but i do not see him as someone i respect as a role model
Guerci1: look i am not comparing you to sam!! I am trying to say sam has a gift of great intellect
PlatypusRex256: mom and her family DO compare me... and if i could find a respectful way to tell them that i am frusterated with them for it i would
PlatypusRex256: tell them
PlatypusRex256: sam has a histroy of stumbeling over his own flawed philosophies
PlatypusRex256: and i would rather remain indifferent on matters until i am sure about them
Guerci1: but he has squandered it over his years by not being true and standing up for himself. you differ greatly because you are motivated to use your intellect
Guerci1: he subordinates his and travels down these puedo intelluctuatal rabbit trails toward continual deadends
PlatypusRex256: i do get a kick out of you and sam talking because you are polar oposites
PlatypusRex256: i could almost define you and "not sam"
PlatypusRex256: and vice versa
PlatypusRex256: and in that way you have more in common with sam that i do... if that makese sense
Guerci1: you will be interested to know what he told jill after christmas dinner
PlatypusRex256: whats that?
PlatypusRex256: =)
Guerci1: yes? in what way?
PlatypusRex256: sam is too liberal and you are too republican
Guerci1: conservative son never republican!!!
well andyway he said he was impacted by somethng i told him so much that he would promise himself to
Guerci1: read more on the subject of economics and some of the issues i pointed out to him his flawed liberal philosophy way taking him with out having any answers and that apparently shook him.going
PlatypusRex256: thats funny!
Guerci1: wait JP just sent me an IM...
PlatypusRex256: you see both you and sam seem to feel overly confident in your present place in the spiritual journey and you might need to talk to eachother more often to help eachother move forward
PlatypusRex256: remember in cornerstone when we wrote the paper about the man traveling thru the woods to find god? and he found a friend who traveled some of the way and then was detered by "temptation" ??
PlatypusRex256: and his friend quit the journey?
Guerci1: i am not too anxious to moove forward on his path
PlatypusRex256: thats like sam saying "i am a liberal thinker and i know whats going on in the world"
Guerci1: yes but he is wrong
PlatypusRex256: and he needed you to enlighten him!
PlatypusRex256: and move froward
Guerci1: well that is true :))
PlatypusRex256: the truth is, you are never done with the path until you are dead and with god
PlatypusRex256: any time you stop moving forward you are cheating yourself
Guerci1: God is not god
Guerci1: so define moving forward!
PlatypusRex256: questioning reality and learning about how things work
PlatypusRex256: being like a child and absorbing God's creation
Guerci1: we kinda got off the track back there about the family so keep this line of thought open but we need to come back to finalize that one.
PlatypusRex256: okay
PlatypusRex256: i dont want to rehash my email anyway
Guerci1: metaphysics or intelluctual growth
PlatypusRex256: i believe they are intertwined
PlatypusRex256: spirituality and science belong together
Guerci1: no problem not rehash but we need to resolve a plan here to keep you financed and that's a reality so let's get back to the metaphysics
Guerci1: ok we agree . i think it is intelluctually false to try to separate the two. the reality is too obvious
PlatypusRex256: what is that?
PlatypusRex256: i think we do agree on many levels
Guerci1: too much time is wasted in nosense arguments trying to divorce God's role in creation by stressing the improtantce of science
PlatypusRex256: except that if you are progressing in Christ, you don't share it with me?
PlatypusRex256: yes yes yes! i strongly believe people waste valuable time and effort arguing creation and evolution!
Guerci1: OH! well than I am not doing a good job and I need to know that. I am drifting lately . not away but kind of floating
Guerci1: and i guess that is apparent to you?
PlatypusRex256: the only times that i truly understood my parents were when mom shit a brick and went crazy
Guerci1: over what?
PlatypusRex256: you know when mom gets upset and throws a tantrum
PlatypusRex256: any time she has ever raised her voice and yelled
Guerci1: that can happen at anytime
PlatypusRex256: yes i know
PlatypusRex256: my point is... it is more important to communicate progress than dysfunction
Guerci1: she jsut has a way that tips my scales
Guerci1: i am vunerable there. UNChristlike
PlatypusRex256: ive spent some time with other famalies that are more openly chatoic and weak
PlatypusRex256: like whitney's parents
PlatypusRex256: but they have a virtue over us and that is they actualy talk about things like "i think i've finally figured out why life is so hard on us"
Guerci1: I react badly and just have to leave the room or get mad.
Guerci1: well that is information I understand and can express but mom and mom's family cannot. they live in a myopic world
PlatypusRex256: and also brian and his mom have a beautiful relationship in how they discuss religion with eachother
PlatypusRex256: and how his mom will say "i'm really excited because i think i've figured something out today"
Guerci1: look - i have a difficult time knowing what i know and being unable to share it with others willing to liksten
PlatypusRex256: hmm
Guerci1: well mom will NEVER admit she is wrong
PlatypusRex256: which is sooo ironic you know
Guerci1: and will blame anyone and anything on the problem at hand. if that is a mindset one has that is symtomatic of a deeper problem called...
PlatypusRex256: because i remember talking to mom a long long long time ago
PlatypusRex256: she told me many times to make sure to admit when i'm wrong
PlatypusRex256: and i see that irony
PlatypusRex256: that the one thing she really wanted me to learn is the one thing she doesn't
Guerci1: ok but she will not take that medicie herself
Guerci1: we agree
PlatypusRex256: and in this sense perhaps you and mom are not evenly yoked
Guerci1: now, knowing that I spend a lot of my life making what is called "redundant plans"
Guerci1: NO shit!!!
PlatypusRex256: can we have a good luagh over my pointing out the obvious?
PlatypusRex256: how would Christ aproach the situation?
Guerci1: well God gave her to me so I can only say it is my life test
PlatypusRex256: but god hasn't given you mom as an obsticle to cross
Guerci1: and so it is like Paul's thorn in the flesh
PlatypusRex256: and she isn't a puzzle to solve
Guerci1: she is a part of my life that i must and will learn to live with and accept and love in spite of our differences.
PlatypusRex256: the biggest realisation i hit over christmas is that your primary reason for not resolving your mairage with mom is because you were focused on raising us kids
PlatypusRex256: and there is incredible strength and virtue in that
PlatypusRex256: but now you have nothing else
Guerci1: true at one pont
Guerci1: however, i have NO intention of ever leaving your mother
PlatypusRex256: thats not what im getting at
Guerci1: and since you guys are away we do not fight as much
PlatypusRex256: i have noticed... and i find that strange
Guerci1: we seem to have more in common and look after each other more
PlatypusRex256: but pay attention to how you say that
PlatypusRex256: because you don't want to associate our presense with your rocky mairage!
Guerci1: when we are in company she becomes a different person sometimes but different from when we are together
PlatypusRex256: reconnect
Guerci1: what do you mean
PlatypusRex256: you have nothing else to worry about so recconect
Guerci1: we will always have different values
Guerci1: the key is to not let those differences dictate the the mood of the time we are together
PlatypusRex256: true
Guerci1: we will give each other support and i will still have to do this "redundant planning"
Guerci1: but it is a little less complex now than before. it mainly involves us
PlatypusRex256: what is redundant planning?
Guerci1: it is where you make one plan then...
Guerci1: make anopther as a backup in case the 1st one fails or
Guerci1: in some part falls to peices
Guerci1: and sometimes you make a 3rd or have a generic plan to support the overall effort
PlatypusRex256: okay
PlatypusRex256: backup plans
PlatypusRex256: makes sense
Guerci1: knnd of hard to describe but i see thngs that will fail
Guerci1: i tell mom
Guerci1: she claims they wont'
Guerci1: but if or when they do (about 50 60% they fail or somethng goes wrong) then I need to be there with a backup
Guerci1: yes backup plans
Guerci1: it's generally complex because
Guerci1: mom is here want to say hello?
Guerci1: mom asked if you have finals this week
PlatypusRex256: i'm just about to head out... i have to return videos and pickup whitney from work
PlatypusRex256: i dont have finals this week no... i have 2 weeks left of school
Guerci1: ok so have a good day and love you mom says helllo!!
PlatypusRex256: and i think i would like to travel with mom somewhere during spring break
PlatypusRex256: just her and me
Guerci1: ok so mom would like to see you tooo
PlatypusRex256: preferably to china or japan or korea
Guerci1: what day is your spring break start?
PlatypusRex256: and i would like to visit the philosophical monuments...
PlatypusRex256: i am not sure what day exactly but will know monday
Guerci1: china need visa japan maybe
Guerci1: mom said she is on vacation end of march and plans to stay home however...
Guerci1: she would love to go during the summer sometime
PlatypusRex256: okay
PlatypusRex256: yes
Guerci1: well she left now but i will tell her. make a plan and she will be happy to go with you for sure
Guerci1: ok but just to remind you, we need to call both grandma's & jill once a week and uncle jim soon ok!!
Guerci1: are you there?
PlatypusRex256: yes i am trying to finnish up email quickly and i need to run
Guerci1: ok
Guerci1: love you and see you later. good conversation
Guerci1: stream of consciousnes ----
PlatypusRex256: love you
her voice just makes me mad
i don't like to talk to my dad
generaly im not in the mood
more or less i want my space
and i don't want to talk about it, either
i put up this wall
and i can't figure it out
because at the same time
i feel better in so many ways
or maybe i just feel safe
like a phony stability?
my friend brittany and i went to vashon together. one of the buses was canceled so we missed our ferry and got to the island 40 minutes later than expected. brian wasn't there to pick us up so we hitched a ride to brian's house. brian wasn't home so we hiked into town.
the hike took two hours! we were so tired and it was getting dark but we lived so that's okay.
i ran into first grade buddies andrew and anthony at the bar. that was exciting. then i found joe at the bar across the street at another bar. joe said brian was at work.
i guess brian and i miss communicated. actualy, i miss read brian. i thought he said "ill get off work before 400" but he really said "ill be at work before 400" so he wasn't off until 900. but by 900 joe and i had our fill of beer and philosophy and were ready to go home.
we almost had to huke back to brian's home but we randomly ran into brian's boss stumbeling out of yet another bar and he was able to get ahold of brian and so he could come meet us at the bar for some more drinks.
the evening was topped off with some pasties and pharmacy rock and roll at my arch-nemisis's birthday bash. i highly reccoment the pasties music. go check it out.
the evening was finnished at brian's house with some red red wine. delicious!
in an email to my dad i told him:
i find ti funny when people try to make sense of the world. i notice that liberal thinkers try to do this a lot. as immoral as the conservative party likes to label the liberal party, they really are the most moral people in america and they project their opinions of right and wrong onto other people just as much as devout bible thumping christians. this kind of latent hypocracy humors me and frusterates me all at once.
to paint a cliche picture, i'd say a republican walks into a bar and finds two men kissing and says to them "i dissaprove of your public display of affection and would greatly appreciate if you cease your ways and turn to jesus!" and of course, they turn around and say "who are you to judge us?! are you a biggot?"
it's for this distinction that i feel often rejected by both sides of the political spectrum. i have a very uncertain and vague political view and yet i follow my uncertainty with such conviction, i often throw people out of their comfort zone. i suppose this makes me a radical thinker.
not long ago i've decided if republicans are empowered by their pompous religious affiliations then their big coorperate interists are easily swayed by champagne and flowery poetry. in my journalism class we watched an old political ralley from the reagan era and yet i think the same exact speech could have been made today and nobody would have noticed.
as much as a liberal will talk to you about grey area, he actualy thinks in black and white dualities. every liberal speaker i've listened to has told me about a battle of us against them so to speak. liberal peoples are always fighting hunger and famine and they'd probably fight off death itself if they could find someone to blame.
and yet a republican is just as bad. anybody can spot the us against them mentality. for example, these select things are ordained by god and these things are condemned by god.
i don't know why these things frusterate me so much. for the longest time i've felt that everything breaks down to a duality. meataphysicly speaking, this is absolutley true. if you break everything down far enough, you find nothing but posative electrons and negative neutrons and those are the building blocks of the universe. kind of like a mosaic is built up from black and white tiles, the entire universe is composed of black and white issues that look hazey and grey from afar.
i still feel that way, actualy. but i am willing to believe this is because i do not posess the brain capacity to think in anything other than dualisms. also, i don't want to argue by analogy.
i heard a guy say once that "there are two kinds of people: people who see that there are only two kinds of people and those that think differently. personaly, i think differently." and personaly, i like the paradox. i think differently, too.
so when i hear someone say "none of us are true americans because if we look back in our ancestory far enough, someone traveled here from somewhere else." and although this concept stands quite nicely on it's own, it fails on a global level because all of mankind orrigionated in the cradle of life somewhere in africa. is that what science tells us today?
logic brings us to a singularity.
also liberals fight to protect nature from mankind. i find this funny because asside from their sentimental attatchment to the world as it is now they offer no explination why it would be a bad thing if mankind triumphed over nature. i find this funny because they fail to recognise that mankind is nature.
logic brings us to another singularity!
following their own logic, men evolved from apes. following their own logic, species have evolved and died out for millions of years. the world has survived for billions of years without greenpeace stepping in an interfering. do you think if the liberal armies were present during the paliolithic age, they would have protested the commet that destroyed the dinasaurs?
the plannet is not in danger of falling apart any time soon. the only thing we have to worry about is ourselves. nature has a clever way of surviving on it's own. perhaps the plannet will not survive as we know it today but it will survive. the question we should be asking ourselves is how are we going to continue living comfortably on an ever changing plannet?
and that is why i approve of almost all liberal platforms. i promote alternative fuels. i promote gay mairage because i believe that everyone must find their own path. i promote abortion and i welcome the chaos of modern society.
i also promote some strong conservative platforms. i condone of the death penalty and i would even condone corperal punnishment. although man's justice is often flawed, those who commit crimes against society need to be punnished. those that are guilty need to be punnished and those that are not guilty will be martyrs i suppose.
isn't it true that jesus was wrongfuly executed by the state as an anarchist? if the liberals were presnet durring the roman emprie, would they have tried to save christ? if republicans were present would they have put christ to death? jesus HAD to die at the hands of the state in order to save mankind!
i can see how some people would find my developing philosophies to be fasciest. i believe in unity, which is a strong fasciest statement. however, fasciests are the most extreme dualists you can find. it's US against THEM and THEY are evil and must be exterminated so that only US can remain and it's US who are destined to inherit the earth! this is putrid thinking. i believe us is all we have. there is no them. all we have is us.
in philosophy, we studdy some plato and aristotle and the thing i am most frusterated with is the greek philosopher's desire to draw order in the universe and explain it in mathematics.
einstine once said (more or less) that god does not play dice with the universe. to an extent, this is true because a dice would be too mathematical. it's created from imagination. at times, the imagination is mathematical but at other times the imagination is not so mathematical or maybe the math is simply beyond us.
aim with my dad:
PlatypusRex256: i am writing a long email to you
PlatypusRex256: mostly concerning our conversation yesterday
Guerci1: good. mom loves your emails so i hope it's something she will relate to as well. always love to have communications from Josh. I just got the news you sent about the 07 tution hike. oh well we will see what happens - been ...
PlatypusRex256: yes
PlatypusRex256: i went to vashon last night and spent the night there with brian and joe... it's always good to reconnect with those guys.
Guerci1: talking with uncle jim about grandma guerci helping you and jp out with school expenses with donation gifting - and he is open to that and has discussed it with her
PlatypusRex256: we think along the same lines so we're able to clairify eachother i suppose
PlatypusRex256: oh thats great =)
Guerci1: he is telling me he knows it's tough and will do whatever he can to help pitch in some $$
PlatypusRex256: =)
Guerci1: that is why i want you to call him occasionally. be in touch. he has those phones to give you + said you never got the stuff on grandma's couch in the living room that i left for you. that included yet another phone with a battery in it that you can
PlatypusRex256: yes yes i know
Guerci1: charge up so you can have a cell phone service at no cost to you. that means if you use the one phone with the sim card in it and the battery goes down just exchange the battery in one that is charged and your in business
PlatypusRex256: i am sorry that i am difficult but sometimes i enjoy not having a cell phone.
Guerci1: you don't have to anser it or if you do just say you will call later and keep your conversations to a minimum. i understand and so will others . however keeping up connections with the people who wish to help you is important. i think grandma muller helps david muller with college and he calls her regularly and is in touch routinely. just takes a minute to say hello. make up some stuff to share and keep it short but like weekly
Guerci1: like maybe on sunday afternoon for 2 3 minutes that's all. uncle jim is not a big talker either so no danger there but it's the relationship you are establishing not the deep meaningful "life story" type of conversation. that's all i'm saying
PlatypusRex256: my main problem is that they never make an effort to get to know me
Guerci1: remember lonliness works on older people and grandsons (call grandma guerci as well considering what i am sharing here) but don not mention the the funding because she is at a stage with her memory she will not remember she spoke with uncle jim. in fact no meed to mention any of what i just shared with you to anyone including jill, grandma muller or mom so, ok i will wait for your email.
PlatypusRex256: jill tried the best and i will always thank her for that
PlatypusRex256: but in a general way, i have difficulty communicating with them because i find them cold
PlatypusRex256: they want to know things like how am i doing in school and how much time do i spend doing homework and how much money i'm making at work and how good my grades are.
Guerci1: i agree and so do i but look josh, you are very bright but think in ways that frighten them they are a more simple people and do not see the world as you and i do. you
PlatypusRex256: and i'm concerned more with what i'm learning and what ideas i'm gaining and where i am on my spiritual path
PlatypusRex256: its not that i don't think they can understand me its just that i don't think they want to... and i am not very good at pretending i care about the things they care about
Guerci1: i know. i think that is where you knowing that you can come up with a "line" that you repeat frequently for those people in your life who see the world that way.
PlatypusRex256: i can pretend for jill once in a while because i think jill and dan understands to a degree...
PlatypusRex256: its not a matter of complexity and inteligence its a matter of direction
Guerci1: well jill and dan are more educated and dan has some kids who are on the same path. sam is on that path and you can see how much headway he has made over the years witin his family ZILCH!!!
PlatypusRex256: i do not think same is on the same path
PlatypusRex256: and i'm starting to strongly resent the family's comparisons of me to sam
PlatypusRex256: i enjoy sam and i think we entertain eachother much but to me he will always be a left wing nut and kind of a hippie
PlatypusRex256: and i don't like his idealism
PlatypusRex256: i love sam and i think he's a great man but i do not see him as someone i respect as a role model
Guerci1: look i am not comparing you to sam!! I am trying to say sam has a gift of great intellect
PlatypusRex256: mom and her family DO compare me... and if i could find a respectful way to tell them that i am frusterated with them for it i would
PlatypusRex256: tell them
PlatypusRex256: sam has a histroy of stumbeling over his own flawed philosophies
PlatypusRex256: and i would rather remain indifferent on matters until i am sure about them
Guerci1: but he has squandered it over his years by not being true and standing up for himself. you differ greatly because you are motivated to use your intellect
Guerci1: he subordinates his and travels down these puedo intelluctuatal rabbit trails toward continual deadends
PlatypusRex256: i do get a kick out of you and sam talking because you are polar oposites
PlatypusRex256: i could almost define you and "not sam"
PlatypusRex256: and vice versa
PlatypusRex256: and in that way you have more in common with sam that i do... if that makese sense
Guerci1: you will be interested to know what he told jill after christmas dinner
PlatypusRex256: whats that?
PlatypusRex256: =)
Guerci1: yes? in what way?
PlatypusRex256: sam is too liberal and you are too republican
Guerci1: conservative son never republican!!!
well andyway he said he was impacted by somethng i told him so much that he would promise himself to
Guerci1: read more on the subject of economics and some of the issues i pointed out to him his flawed liberal philosophy way taking him with out having any answers and that apparently shook him.going
PlatypusRex256: thats funny!
Guerci1: wait JP just sent me an IM...
PlatypusRex256: you see both you and sam seem to feel overly confident in your present place in the spiritual journey and you might need to talk to eachother more often to help eachother move forward
PlatypusRex256: remember in cornerstone when we wrote the paper about the man traveling thru the woods to find god? and he found a friend who traveled some of the way and then was detered by "temptation" ??
PlatypusRex256: and his friend quit the journey?
Guerci1: i am not too anxious to moove forward on his path
PlatypusRex256: thats like sam saying "i am a liberal thinker and i know whats going on in the world"
Guerci1: yes but he is wrong
PlatypusRex256: and he needed you to enlighten him!
PlatypusRex256: and move froward
Guerci1: well that is true :))
PlatypusRex256: the truth is, you are never done with the path until you are dead and with god
PlatypusRex256: any time you stop moving forward you are cheating yourself
Guerci1: God is not god
Guerci1: so define moving forward!
PlatypusRex256: questioning reality and learning about how things work
PlatypusRex256: being like a child and absorbing God's creation
Guerci1: we kinda got off the track back there about the family so keep this line of thought open but we need to come back to finalize that one.
PlatypusRex256: okay
PlatypusRex256: i dont want to rehash my email anyway
Guerci1: metaphysics or intelluctual growth
PlatypusRex256: i believe they are intertwined
PlatypusRex256: spirituality and science belong together
Guerci1: no problem not rehash but we need to resolve a plan here to keep you financed and that's a reality so let's get back to the metaphysics
Guerci1: ok we agree . i think it is intelluctually false to try to separate the two. the reality is too obvious
PlatypusRex256: what is that?
PlatypusRex256: i think we do agree on many levels
Guerci1: too much time is wasted in nosense arguments trying to divorce God's role in creation by stressing the improtantce of science
PlatypusRex256: except that if you are progressing in Christ, you don't share it with me?
PlatypusRex256: yes yes yes! i strongly believe people waste valuable time and effort arguing creation and evolution!
Guerci1: OH! well than I am not doing a good job and I need to know that. I am drifting lately . not away but kind of floating
Guerci1: and i guess that is apparent to you?
PlatypusRex256: the only times that i truly understood my parents were when mom shit a brick and went crazy
Guerci1: over what?
PlatypusRex256: you know when mom gets upset and throws a tantrum
PlatypusRex256: any time she has ever raised her voice and yelled
Guerci1: that can happen at anytime
PlatypusRex256: yes i know
PlatypusRex256: my point is... it is more important to communicate progress than dysfunction
Guerci1: she jsut has a way that tips my scales
Guerci1: i am vunerable there. UNChristlike
PlatypusRex256: ive spent some time with other famalies that are more openly chatoic and weak
PlatypusRex256: like whitney's parents
PlatypusRex256: but they have a virtue over us and that is they actualy talk about things like "i think i've finally figured out why life is so hard on us"
Guerci1: I react badly and just have to leave the room or get mad.
Guerci1: well that is information I understand and can express but mom and mom's family cannot. they live in a myopic world
PlatypusRex256: and also brian and his mom have a beautiful relationship in how they discuss religion with eachother
PlatypusRex256: and how his mom will say "i'm really excited because i think i've figured something out today"
Guerci1: look - i have a difficult time knowing what i know and being unable to share it with others willing to liksten
PlatypusRex256: hmm
Guerci1: well mom will NEVER admit she is wrong
PlatypusRex256: which is sooo ironic you know
Guerci1: and will blame anyone and anything on the problem at hand. if that is a mindset one has that is symtomatic of a deeper problem called...
PlatypusRex256: because i remember talking to mom a long long long time ago
PlatypusRex256: she told me many times to make sure to admit when i'm wrong
PlatypusRex256: and i see that irony
PlatypusRex256: that the one thing she really wanted me to learn is the one thing she doesn't
Guerci1: ok but she will not take that medicie herself
Guerci1: we agree
PlatypusRex256: and in this sense perhaps you and mom are not evenly yoked
Guerci1: now, knowing that I spend a lot of my life making what is called "redundant plans"
Guerci1: NO shit!!!
PlatypusRex256: can we have a good luagh over my pointing out the obvious?
PlatypusRex256: how would Christ aproach the situation?
Guerci1: well God gave her to me so I can only say it is my life test
PlatypusRex256: but god hasn't given you mom as an obsticle to cross
Guerci1: and so it is like Paul's thorn in the flesh
PlatypusRex256: and she isn't a puzzle to solve
Guerci1: she is a part of my life that i must and will learn to live with and accept and love in spite of our differences.
PlatypusRex256: the biggest realisation i hit over christmas is that your primary reason for not resolving your mairage with mom is because you were focused on raising us kids
PlatypusRex256: and there is incredible strength and virtue in that
PlatypusRex256: but now you have nothing else
Guerci1: true at one pont
Guerci1: however, i have NO intention of ever leaving your mother
PlatypusRex256: thats not what im getting at
Guerci1: and since you guys are away we do not fight as much
PlatypusRex256: i have noticed... and i find that strange
Guerci1: we seem to have more in common and look after each other more
PlatypusRex256: but pay attention to how you say that
PlatypusRex256: because you don't want to associate our presense with your rocky mairage!
Guerci1: when we are in company she becomes a different person sometimes but different from when we are together
PlatypusRex256: reconnect
Guerci1: what do you mean
PlatypusRex256: you have nothing else to worry about so recconect
Guerci1: we will always have different values
Guerci1: the key is to not let those differences dictate the the mood of the time we are together
PlatypusRex256: true
Guerci1: we will give each other support and i will still have to do this "redundant planning"
Guerci1: but it is a little less complex now than before. it mainly involves us
PlatypusRex256: what is redundant planning?
Guerci1: it is where you make one plan then...
Guerci1: make anopther as a backup in case the 1st one fails or
Guerci1: in some part falls to peices
Guerci1: and sometimes you make a 3rd or have a generic plan to support the overall effort
PlatypusRex256: okay
PlatypusRex256: backup plans
PlatypusRex256: makes sense
Guerci1: knnd of hard to describe but i see thngs that will fail
Guerci1: i tell mom
Guerci1: she claims they wont'
Guerci1: but if or when they do (about 50 60% they fail or somethng goes wrong) then I need to be there with a backup
Guerci1: yes backup plans
Guerci1: it's generally complex because
Guerci1: mom is here want to say hello?
Guerci1: mom asked if you have finals this week
PlatypusRex256: i'm just about to head out... i have to return videos and pickup whitney from work
PlatypusRex256: i dont have finals this week no... i have 2 weeks left of school
Guerci1: ok so have a good day and love you mom says helllo!!
PlatypusRex256: and i think i would like to travel with mom somewhere during spring break
PlatypusRex256: just her and me
Guerci1: ok so mom would like to see you tooo
PlatypusRex256: preferably to china or japan or korea
Guerci1: what day is your spring break start?
PlatypusRex256: and i would like to visit the philosophical monuments...
PlatypusRex256: i am not sure what day exactly but will know monday
Guerci1: china need visa japan maybe
Guerci1: mom said she is on vacation end of march and plans to stay home however...
Guerci1: she would love to go during the summer sometime
PlatypusRex256: okay
PlatypusRex256: yes
Guerci1: well she left now but i will tell her. make a plan and she will be happy to go with you for sure
Guerci1: ok but just to remind you, we need to call both grandma's & jill once a week and uncle jim soon ok!!
Guerci1: are you there?
PlatypusRex256: yes i am trying to finnish up email quickly and i need to run
Guerci1: ok
Guerci1: love you and see you later. good conversation
Guerci1: stream of consciousnes ----
PlatypusRex256: love you