my knee grows
what is truth?
who wants the truth?
lets make up lies
the truth is better
yet so hard to find
afew nights ago... or was that last night? sunday night? i don't know anymore.
well, whitney was over. we were watching movies. she is my friend that comes over in the middle of the night and watches movies with me, after all.
joe brings becca and rachel over. these are the same girls that had a threesome with andrew a while back. joe was real drunk and pulled the fire extinguisher on them while they were fucking. they were coughing up blood for afew days after that. but no worries. all is forgiven, right?
so joe brings becca and rachel over while i'm watching waking life with whitney and they've all been drinking. becca gets the brilliant idea to stumble into andrew's room and wake him up in the middle of the night.
i don't know what happened. i didn't follow her in there.
when waking life is over, we put on donnie darko. it's a movie festival of death, i guess. great movies about death.
right after joe, becca and rachel leave, right after the movie ended, right after i looked at the clock to make sure i wasn't dreaming and sometime right after 3:30, my phone rings. it's jolene.
"do you still have lucy?" she asks. she's in tears.
"yes," i tell her.
"could you come pick me up?"
whitney comes with me and jolene's first reaction to my midnight friend is "whoa! i'm so happy you exist!"
"have you been doubting my sanity?" i ask her.
apparently so.
"so what's going on?" i ask jolene.
she tells me about the woes of living with your ex-boyfriend. the thing is, she's been living with alex for a long time. they've been financialy dependant on eachother. recently, she realised that she wasn't realy in love with alex. so they broke up. easy enough, right?
but rather than moving out, she invited her friend caroline to move in. they made some rough plans to move out and live together but everything fell thru when alex and caroline started fucking.
the worst part, she explained to me, is that they are in complete denial of it. in private, they are constantly talking shit about eachother, jolene tells me.
i'm glad she's finally out of that situation. but really, i'm not sure where she's going. she knows and i know that i can only help her so much. i can hardly even help myself.
monday morning, i met with kevin for bible studdy.
"in the begining, god created the heavens and the earth," he said.
"heck yes!" i agreed.
"what does that mean to you?" he asked.
oh my god. kevin loves the bible like some people love star treck. which is all good and dandy in the eyes of the church, i guess, to be a jesus freak. but can you really compare the two? clearly, kevin is a religous man. and his spiritual understanding is limited.
"the interesting thing about the story of creation," i told him. "is that god doesn't create the sun and the moon until the fourth day. how can we have day and night without the sun and the moon? obviously, this story is not literal."
"interesting..."
"furthermore, how do we have light and darkness on the first day without the sun? where is the light comming from?"
he changed the subject and started talking about evolution. he asked me how i believe on the subject of creation versus evolution.
"i think they are both equaly true," i said.
he was about to argue with me.
"none of it matters. i don't care how we got here. what matters is that we are here now. what should i care about creation and the origin of things? i want to know about the nature of things."
he agreed with me.
"sure, god created the universe. but who created god?" i asked.
"nobody did," he said. "he always existed."
"listen. i'm about to challenge you," i warned him. "but tell me. do you believe god is an entity?"
"is god a being? yes," he said, sure of himself.
"so god is limited in time and space?"
"no."
"god is not en entiry," i said. "he's an omnipotent energy and he exists in everything. he trancents time and space. i'd go as far as to say that god does not exist."
he couldn't say anything because he knew i was right.
"god is existance. nobody had to create god because god is creation."
after the bible talk, kevin offered to take me out to lunch with his wife. we went to the college campus where his wife goes to school. the same college that kevin graduated from. and the three we ate in the caffateria.
"get anything you want and i'll cover it," he insisted.
so i held that guy to his word. i got myself a sandwhich, two pieces of chicken, a salad, corn bread, yogurt.
and after all our food was totaled up and it was time to pay, the cashier told us that they couldn't accept credit or debit. the worst part is, neither kevin or his wife had cash on them. the tables at turned. it started off as kevin buying me lunch out of charity and quickly changed into me saving the good christians the pain and frusteration and embarassment of not being able to pay for their lunch.
they were extremely apologetic.
but it was worth it. it's not every day that you convince the bible thumpers that god does not exist. and it's not every day that you get to hang out with a dorky middle school math teacher.
he even took a nepolean dynomite swig from his apple juice.
when i returned to the apartment, jolene was still there. she asked me to help her pickup all her stuff from alex's house and i agreed.
when we got there, we were alone. she told me she wanted to smash all of his prized posessions. i told her no. rather, we wrote mean messages on all of his post-it notes and scattered them throughout the house.
you suck. your face sucks. your cds suck. your sterreo sucks. your guitar sucks and is not worth stealing. your windows suck. your refidgerator sucks. your food sucks. your candles suck. your girlfriend sucks. your art sucks. your floor sucks. your bed sucks. your wall sucks. your lights suck. your bird sucks. your toilet sucks. your tub sucks. your closet sucks. your vaccum cleaner sucks. your books suck. your movies suck. your porn sucks. your girlfriend has lopsided tities.
and we put them all over the apartment. some of them were inside books and behind paintings and inside cd cases and he'll be moving out in two years and still finidng post it notes on all his shit. he'll be fifty and showing his grandchildren his books and he'll be still finding post-it notes.
and i looked thru his cd-r collection. and i put the cool ones in my pocket. because there is nothing wrong with stealing stolen property.
jolene took whitney and me out to dinner afterwards. at some point, jolene's friend brion and everybody's friend marah stumbled in to join us.
it was a pleasant surprise.
brion is a film director. he likes films about human drama. jolene is an actress in his film and he asked me if i had experience acting. no, i admitted. but i would like to try.
i think i'm going to ask around and do a little background check first, but brion just might be a great connection. maybe he'd be interested in some of my script ideas?
"i have to admit i wasn't so sure if whitney existed, either," marah told me.
"yeah, she's just a perfect friend for josh," jolene agreed.
"too perfect."
she comes over at night and we watch movies together. we escape to qfc because quality is more important than being safe. and now we're reading neitzsche. i never knew i wanted a friend this awsome.
after dinner, everybody came over to my house. at some point there were eight people in my room. jolene, whitney, joe, scott, marah, andrew, peaty and myself. peaty ist he new french girl downstairs.
note to brian: her name is not nicole.
most people went home but marah and jolene slept over.
whitney and i decided to go to qfc in the middle of the night again. she bought me food out of charity. the best part is she was able to pay for it, too.
we also got some pop-its. we drove up and down the ave and threw them at homeless people until the cops busted us.
"you are pathetic!" the cop said to us. "don't you have anything better to do than pester homeless people?"
fuck. we just went home. and the whole time i was wondering which girl should i crawl into bed with? but really it just came down to which bed do i want to sleep in, girls be damned. naturaly, brian's bed won because he has a real matress. besides, jolene had to get up early for class.
fuck. sometimes, i hate my life and not having a job. otherwise i love my life and all the people i know.
who wants the truth?
lets make up lies
the truth is better
yet so hard to find
afew nights ago... or was that last night? sunday night? i don't know anymore.
well, whitney was over. we were watching movies. she is my friend that comes over in the middle of the night and watches movies with me, after all.
joe brings becca and rachel over. these are the same girls that had a threesome with andrew a while back. joe was real drunk and pulled the fire extinguisher on them while they were fucking. they were coughing up blood for afew days after that. but no worries. all is forgiven, right?
so joe brings becca and rachel over while i'm watching waking life with whitney and they've all been drinking. becca gets the brilliant idea to stumble into andrew's room and wake him up in the middle of the night.
i don't know what happened. i didn't follow her in there.
when waking life is over, we put on donnie darko. it's a movie festival of death, i guess. great movies about death.
right after joe, becca and rachel leave, right after the movie ended, right after i looked at the clock to make sure i wasn't dreaming and sometime right after 3:30, my phone rings. it's jolene.
"do you still have lucy?" she asks. she's in tears.
"yes," i tell her.
"could you come pick me up?"
whitney comes with me and jolene's first reaction to my midnight friend is "whoa! i'm so happy you exist!"
"have you been doubting my sanity?" i ask her.
apparently so.
"so what's going on?" i ask jolene.
she tells me about the woes of living with your ex-boyfriend. the thing is, she's been living with alex for a long time. they've been financialy dependant on eachother. recently, she realised that she wasn't realy in love with alex. so they broke up. easy enough, right?
but rather than moving out, she invited her friend caroline to move in. they made some rough plans to move out and live together but everything fell thru when alex and caroline started fucking.
the worst part, she explained to me, is that they are in complete denial of it. in private, they are constantly talking shit about eachother, jolene tells me.
i'm glad she's finally out of that situation. but really, i'm not sure where she's going. she knows and i know that i can only help her so much. i can hardly even help myself.
monday morning, i met with kevin for bible studdy.
"in the begining, god created the heavens and the earth," he said.
"heck yes!" i agreed.
"what does that mean to you?" he asked.
oh my god. kevin loves the bible like some people love star treck. which is all good and dandy in the eyes of the church, i guess, to be a jesus freak. but can you really compare the two? clearly, kevin is a religous man. and his spiritual understanding is limited.
"the interesting thing about the story of creation," i told him. "is that god doesn't create the sun and the moon until the fourth day. how can we have day and night without the sun and the moon? obviously, this story is not literal."
"interesting..."
"furthermore, how do we have light and darkness on the first day without the sun? where is the light comming from?"
he changed the subject and started talking about evolution. he asked me how i believe on the subject of creation versus evolution.
"i think they are both equaly true," i said.
he was about to argue with me.
"none of it matters. i don't care how we got here. what matters is that we are here now. what should i care about creation and the origin of things? i want to know about the nature of things."
he agreed with me.
"sure, god created the universe. but who created god?" i asked.
"nobody did," he said. "he always existed."
"listen. i'm about to challenge you," i warned him. "but tell me. do you believe god is an entity?"
"is god a being? yes," he said, sure of himself.
"so god is limited in time and space?"
"no."
"god is not en entiry," i said. "he's an omnipotent energy and he exists in everything. he trancents time and space. i'd go as far as to say that god does not exist."
he couldn't say anything because he knew i was right.
"god is existance. nobody had to create god because god is creation."
after the bible talk, kevin offered to take me out to lunch with his wife. we went to the college campus where his wife goes to school. the same college that kevin graduated from. and the three we ate in the caffateria.
"get anything you want and i'll cover it," he insisted.
so i held that guy to his word. i got myself a sandwhich, two pieces of chicken, a salad, corn bread, yogurt.
and after all our food was totaled up and it was time to pay, the cashier told us that they couldn't accept credit or debit. the worst part is, neither kevin or his wife had cash on them. the tables at turned. it started off as kevin buying me lunch out of charity and quickly changed into me saving the good christians the pain and frusteration and embarassment of not being able to pay for their lunch.
they were extremely apologetic.
but it was worth it. it's not every day that you convince the bible thumpers that god does not exist. and it's not every day that you get to hang out with a dorky middle school math teacher.
he even took a nepolean dynomite swig from his apple juice.
when i returned to the apartment, jolene was still there. she asked me to help her pickup all her stuff from alex's house and i agreed.
when we got there, we were alone. she told me she wanted to smash all of his prized posessions. i told her no. rather, we wrote mean messages on all of his post-it notes and scattered them throughout the house.
you suck. your face sucks. your cds suck. your sterreo sucks. your guitar sucks and is not worth stealing. your windows suck. your refidgerator sucks. your food sucks. your candles suck. your girlfriend sucks. your art sucks. your floor sucks. your bed sucks. your wall sucks. your lights suck. your bird sucks. your toilet sucks. your tub sucks. your closet sucks. your vaccum cleaner sucks. your books suck. your movies suck. your porn sucks. your girlfriend has lopsided tities.
and we put them all over the apartment. some of them were inside books and behind paintings and inside cd cases and he'll be moving out in two years and still finidng post it notes on all his shit. he'll be fifty and showing his grandchildren his books and he'll be still finding post-it notes.
and i looked thru his cd-r collection. and i put the cool ones in my pocket. because there is nothing wrong with stealing stolen property.
jolene took whitney and me out to dinner afterwards. at some point, jolene's friend brion and everybody's friend marah stumbled in to join us.
it was a pleasant surprise.
brion is a film director. he likes films about human drama. jolene is an actress in his film and he asked me if i had experience acting. no, i admitted. but i would like to try.
i think i'm going to ask around and do a little background check first, but brion just might be a great connection. maybe he'd be interested in some of my script ideas?
"i have to admit i wasn't so sure if whitney existed, either," marah told me.
"yeah, she's just a perfect friend for josh," jolene agreed.
"too perfect."
she comes over at night and we watch movies together. we escape to qfc because quality is more important than being safe. and now we're reading neitzsche. i never knew i wanted a friend this awsome.
after dinner, everybody came over to my house. at some point there were eight people in my room. jolene, whitney, joe, scott, marah, andrew, peaty and myself. peaty ist he new french girl downstairs.
note to brian: her name is not nicole.
most people went home but marah and jolene slept over.
whitney and i decided to go to qfc in the middle of the night again. she bought me food out of charity. the best part is she was able to pay for it, too.
we also got some pop-its. we drove up and down the ave and threw them at homeless people until the cops busted us.
"you are pathetic!" the cop said to us. "don't you have anything better to do than pester homeless people?"
fuck. we just went home. and the whole time i was wondering which girl should i crawl into bed with? but really it just came down to which bed do i want to sleep in, girls be damned. naturaly, brian's bed won because he has a real matress. besides, jolene had to get up early for class.
fuck. sometimes, i hate my life and not having a job. otherwise i love my life and all the people i know.