101 Ways to Praise a Child, And How The Child Will Interpret It
Wow - Wow, You're Dumb
Way to go - When I was your age, i went a better way
Super - You're Super-stupid
You're special - You're not special
Outstanding - Leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper.
Excellent - Excellent, but not Great.
Great - Still not Great.
Good - You're just 'good'.
Neat - Your mind is so messed up, it amuses me.
Well Done - I want my steak to be well done. I'm sorry, were you saying something?
Remarkable - Your stupidity is remarkable.
I knew you could do it - I didn't think you could. I didn't think you had it in you. But you did. But i'll continue to doubt you in the future.
I'm proud of you - I'm not so happy right now, eat some oranges.
Fantastic - I'm not paying attention!
Super Star - I'm using 80's praises as an excuse not to praise you.
Nice work - It looks ugly, but at least you finished it.
Looking good - Have you been gaining weight?
You're on top of it - You're not doing enough.
Beautiful - I don't care about you, only your face.
Now you're flying - Make like a fly, and fly away.
You're catching on - It took you this long to catch on?
Now you've got it - You still haven't got it.
You're incredible - You're incredibly dumb!
Brave - You're brave, because I'd never do something that dumb.
You're fantastic - I still think you're a little kid. Want a cookie?
Hurray for you - I'm still reading the newspaper. Leave me be.
You're on target - You shoudl go to Target, so that i don't have to see you.
You're on your way - You're on your way to hell.
How nice - You're one mean SOB. Oh yeah..that would make me the bitch. Hmm..
How smart - How dumb.
Good job - You need to get a job.
That's incredible - How old are you?
Hot dog - Go eat something, and leave me alone.
Dynamite - I want to blow you up.
You're beautiful - On the inside.
You're unique - There's noone else quite as weird as you.
Nothing can stop you now - Except me. Stop.
Good for you - I don't care.
I like you - I'm a child molester.
You're a winner - You're a loser.
You're spectacular - You act like you're 2.
Remarkable job - Go get a remarkable card from randles and buy me some beer.
Beautiful work - Beautful work from an ugly person
Spectacular - Is this the best you could do?
You're darling - Here, have a quarter.
You're precious - Here's a lolli. Run along now!
Great discovery - Go watch the discovery channel, you might learn something.
You figured it out - Took you long enough.
Magnificent - Magnificent, but not as good as Da Vinci, is it? Try again.
You've discovered the secret - I have many secrets, and im sure as hell not telling you.
Fantastic job - I dunno what else to say.
Terrific - I'm having a bad day, get me some water.
Hip, Hip Hooray - I dont care.
Marvelous - I marvel at your idiotness.
You're important - You're number 10 on my list of priorities.
Bingo - Lets play bingo.
Phenomenal - I like the movie phenomenon. Travolta was fucked up. Just like you.
Super Job - Too bad you're not superman.
Super work - Have a sticker. Because i dont feel like giving you attention.
Creative job - A little TOO creative.
You're sensational - I make me feel sensations of anger.
Exceptional performance - You're lieing.
You are exciting - I'm bored.
You're a real trooper - I have no idea what you're saying.
You are responsible - Go clean your room.
You learned it right - Go learn it again.
What an imagination - We don't live in a magical world, fucker.
What a good listener - You're not listening.
You are fun - This is still boring.
You're growing up - How old are you? 7?
You tried hard - But not hard enough.
You care - But, I don't.
Beautiful sharing - Give it back.
Outstanding performance - You don't even deserve an Oscar.
You're a good friend - But not a good son.
I trust you - I can't tell you anything.
You're important - Please stop talking, Oprah's talking right now. Didn't i teach you not to interupt others.
You mean alot to me - I'm busy.
You make me happy - I'm sad.
You belong - You're a loser, and a social outcast.
You've got a friend - I'm your only friend.
You make me laugh - I don't take you seriously.
You brighten my day - Turn off the lights.
I respect you - When did you turn 18?
You mean the world to me - I'm pulling lines from movies now.
Thats correct - Hey, when'd you get home?
A+ job - This'll average with your F, and make a C. For Crappy.
You're a joy - You're hyper.
You're a treasure - I get a tax deductment for you.
You're wonderful - You make me hurl.
You're perfect - Except for your nose.
Awesome - grr. You keep talking.
You're A-OK - You're only okay.
My buddy - I like you like i like my dog.
You made my day - You made my day terrible.
Thats the best - Thats the worst.
A big hug - I'm secretly checking your pocket for the money you stole.
A big kiss on the cheek- I like to embaress you.
I love you - But I love your sister more.