Last nights re-cap
"Saturday" - I stayed home most of the day. Then went out to get Lauren and brought her to my aunts so my dad could bs with her (my aunt). After that we went to the coach house to eat. then went home watched invader zim and went to bed.
"Sunday" - Lauren and I watched Carrie. Then ate dinner and finished watching Carrie. After we droped Lauren off my parents took me to GSP so we could practice driving. After my parents made me nervious enoughm AND YES IT WAS AN EMPTY PARKING LOT!!!!!, we left and went home.
"Monday" - I felt like shit on monday ... Lots of thoughts going in my head ... I had to escape from reality... so ... I started my drinking binge.... but that was after my aunt helen took me out driving, It was better with her heh... more calming and less nervousness, But yeah. I got home around 8:30 ish and kenny called so I went to hang out with him. When I cought up with them sam had a joint so I took part in toking up along with drinking... so I was quite fucked up monday night.
"Tuesday" - Today started okay, But turned to shit. First it started to snow so I couldnt go out driving today. Second I think I am going to be draged in to a "war" between two of my friends and I will be there for the on, I don't want to take a side because they are my friends... but I dont know ... I really do feel I should take the side of friend A, But untill I get the whole story from both sides...it will eat away at me and drive me insane. "
"Now" - I am sittng here and the only thought that goes through my head is I cant sleep with the only thing I have left to remind me of my grandmother because it is/was a symbol of my innocence and I have long but lost that. ... ... I have lost my innocence ... I've lost my innocence ... having sex or sexual intercorse with out love behind it makes me feel dirty... very dirty... I feel like I might as well charge people or something... well that is how I feel... I feel like a pross... Just here for people to fuck when need be... and PS I am not talking about the friends who are "waring" at the moment.
I am falling apart at the sems and nothing makes sense to me. I need the help of some one. I need the help of every one. Some one please... please help me understand what is going on here... what is going on in this world... what need I do to make sense of this shit called life? And why do I smoke so goddamn much? Well other then to take my mind off of what is really happening around me. And to take my mind off of what I should see but don't want to see. Then again maybe that is my problem, I don't want to see what is right in my face... I don't want to accept the truth of the matter. Which then makes every thing I believe and every thing I think and feel all just one big lie. A lie that I may never find the truth to.
"Speical Reminder" : Thursday is my driving test. Wish me luck.
Then some one will say what is lost can never be saved
"Sunday" - Lauren and I watched Carrie. Then ate dinner and finished watching Carrie. After we droped Lauren off my parents took me to GSP so we could practice driving. After my parents made me nervious enoughm AND YES IT WAS AN EMPTY PARKING LOT!!!!!, we left and went home.
"Monday" - I felt like shit on monday ... Lots of thoughts going in my head ... I had to escape from reality... so ... I started my drinking binge.... but that was after my aunt helen took me out driving, It was better with her heh... more calming and less nervousness, But yeah. I got home around 8:30 ish and kenny called so I went to hang out with him. When I cought up with them sam had a joint so I took part in toking up along with drinking... so I was quite fucked up monday night.
"Tuesday" - Today started okay, But turned to shit. First it started to snow so I couldnt go out driving today. Second I think I am going to be draged in to a "war" between two of my friends and I will be there for the on, I don't want to take a side because they are my friends... but I dont know ... I really do feel I should take the side of friend A, But untill I get the whole story from both sides...it will eat away at me and drive me insane. "
"Now" - I am sittng here and the only thought that goes through my head is I cant sleep with the only thing I have left to remind me of my grandmother because it is/was a symbol of my innocence and I have long but lost that. ... ... I have lost my innocence ... I've lost my innocence ... having sex or sexual intercorse with out love behind it makes me feel dirty... very dirty... I feel like I might as well charge people or something... well that is how I feel... I feel like a pross... Just here for people to fuck when need be... and PS I am not talking about the friends who are "waring" at the moment.
I am falling apart at the sems and nothing makes sense to me. I need the help of some one. I need the help of every one. Some one please... please help me understand what is going on here... what is going on in this world... what need I do to make sense of this shit called life? And why do I smoke so goddamn much? Well other then to take my mind off of what is really happening around me. And to take my mind off of what I should see but don't want to see. Then again maybe that is my problem, I don't want to see what is right in my face... I don't want to accept the truth of the matter. Which then makes every thing I believe and every thing I think and feel all just one big lie. A lie that I may never find the truth to.
"Speical Reminder" : Thursday is my driving test. Wish me luck.
Then some one will say what is lost can never be saved