Once Upon A Fandom
Once Upon a Fandom
The words written here,
Tell a woeful tale,
Of hatred, and anger,
And angst, and betrayal.
It began in a fandom,
Not so far away,
Where the writers did laugh,
As they shipped and they played.
They wrote Harry/Hermione,
And Ron/Ginny too,
Not to mention young Draco,
(Who’d done all but a few!)
And alas, they were happy,
Because all things were well,
They wrote Slash, they wrote Het,
Had real stories to tell.
Their minds, they were open,
Their pens, they were free.
They were nearly as perfect,
As a fandom could be.
And they were talented, yes,
Because many did shine.
Irresistible Poison,
They all read over wine.
Their standards were high,
And the people wrote well,
If the writing was bad,
Well, someone did tell.
For there was no greater wrong,
Then fanfic that was crappy,
But this meant,
Not everyone,
In this fandom was happy
~
In a tower that stood,
Looking over this town,
Lived five witches, who scowled,
Tossing stones to the ground.
“How dare they!” one said, “They all say we are trite. Let’s complain, and then smite them with all of our might!”
“It’s our pairing,” cried another, “That is all that they hate!”
So they brewed up a plan,
Staying up much too late.
Said the witch Manian, who was known as the “talker”,
“We’ll scare Cassie Claire, get somebody to stalk her!”
“That’s perfect!” cried Ashy, “And I know someone who’ll do…”
Then they all turned around,
Looked directly at Zu.
“What, me?” Zu cried.
“Zu, don’t be such a louse. If they catch us, you’ll lie, and say it was your spouse.”
Zu sighed, and began to transcribe her first letter.
“Fine, we’ll scare Cassie Claire, and then things will be better.”
Lemogen said, “Make the details real gory,
she’s the one who had nerve to slander my story!”
And the witches all laughed,
As they plotted with glee,
They’d take over the fandom,
Once Cassie did flee.
~
Well, now poor Cassie Claire,
Who was up late herself,
Had just gotten finished,
Repainting her shelf,
When an email came in from some person named “Fitz”,
She gasped, and then reached for the phone ‘tween her tits.
“Heidi, some wacko has sent me a letter! I’ll forward it on!”
Heidi then said, “You better!”
And the fandom responded,
With shock and despair,
Who could threaten a person as nice as Ms. Claire?
“They’ll find out!” Zu cried,
As they watched from above,
Cassie Claire being showered,
With friendship and love.
“She’s not running!” Manian said, “Like you said that she would!”
“We’ll just have to try harder!”
They agreed that they could.
So the letters got meaner,
And they found her address,
And the hatred grew stonger,
But Cassie wrote,
… nonetheless.
Until one day the ladies who ran “Honey Quill”,
Helped them track down the letters,
And this source of ill will.
“It’s that witch in the tower, who calls herself Zu!”
And the fandomers marched,
Around quarter ‘til two,
“Leave this town now!
We all know it was you!”
Zu said, “Please protect me!”
Falling onto her knees,
But Lemogen kicked her out,
With a hearty, “Bitch, please.”
Oh, the fandom was smart,
And they suspected it true,
That the hatred of Cassie,
Didn’t come from just Zu,
But they all carried on,
They went back to their writing,
(With occasional flames,
And some nasty in fighting.)
And the tower, was still, over all, quite pleased,
“They’re not nearly as happy! Can’t you all see?”
“Hmmm, you’re right, Manian!” Lemogen said with a sneer.
“We’ll continue to flame them, and get more people here!”
And the witches in the tower,
Grew more angry every day,
Any semblance of reason,
Just withered away,
They went after a young Clara,
Who was poking around,
Trying to find who had threatened Ms.Scribe, new to town.
They accused her of evil,
And dark treachery,
But Ms.Scribe was not meek,
Like they thought she would be.
And when they came to her claiming their lie was a fact,
She laughed, and then said “You’ve been smoking much crack.”
So they added her name,
To their long list of hates,
That included FA and all shipping debates,
And they crowned themselves Queen,
As sad as that was,
And they joked, and they poked,
And they made quite a fuss,
Over things normal people would just shrug and ignore,
But the ‘Queens’ wanted all of the world to adore,
The way that they thought the HP books should be,
With a storybook ending for Harry/Ginny.
But life is not easy,
For those with dark hearts,
And their hatred of others,
Just tore them apart,
And Manian and Ashy,
Who did mistrust their friend,
Took the key to the tower,
From the mad Lemogen!
And that’s when young Pola,
did happen to say,
“You all need medication!
I’m going away”
And the fandom grew quiet,
As there came a great rumble,
And they watched with pure joy,
When the tower did crumble,
The mean witches screamed curses,
And long Bible verses,
As they fell to the ground with a thump.
And poor Ashy, cried out “This is all just not fair!”
When she landed on her very large rump.
Ivy did laugh,
And Littletort too,
And the crowd in the street,
Just grew, and grew…
And Clio yelled, “Hey, do you think that’s real wood?”
“We should use it!” cried Irina.
And they agreed, that they should.
And the spoils from the tower,
They’d all take,
Two by two…
They’d rebuild it for fandom,
For me and for you.
As Manian screamed,
“Can’t you leave one door knob?”
Ms. Scribe snatched it up,
“Bitch, you cost me my job!”
~
So the moral of this tale,
And I think you should know,
Is you get what you give,
And you reap what you sow.
~