The Past
It's really weird reading my old posts. I'm working on retagging them from when I first started using livejournal. It was in February of my sophomore year of high school. More than four years ago. Some entries make me feel like those four years were an eternity, and some entries I can remember like I wrote them last week. Some of them make me think about how at the core I am the same person with the same issues. There is just more immaturity to those issues at that point. To some extent I've solved the boy issues - but I wonder if I was single if I would still think in the same "I'm not good enough to have a boyfriend, but I still have a crush on every boy" way. I'd like to think that I wouldn't think that way, but I won't know unless I become single all of a sudden, which I don't anticipate in the near future.
I used to be worried that I was too thin and people would think I was anorexic. I haven't worried about that in a long time now, probably since I was 18. I used to think about acting in destructive ways to get attention, because I was so bored with my life. I haven't felt the desire to do that in a long time either. I think college solved the Hereford boredom.
I posted so much about boys I liked. I feel like more people know about lj and could find me if they wanted to, and how if it was then - I wouldn't have wanted the people I wrote about to read what I wrote.
I was really obsessed with myself too. I think I am still self-centered, but I think everyone is to some extent. I feel that it is good to be conscious of myself and care about who I am. I think it is possible to be self-centered and still care deeply about others. Self-centered implies that there is only you in your world, but I think that is a misinterpretation of the term.
It's weird to me that friends I had in high school - as in people I considered my very best friends - I hardly communicate with anymore. They'll always be in some of my best memories, but I feel like everyone has changed and is going other ways and that it just isn't practical to be BEST friends with these people anymore. We'll always be friends though, just because of the amazing history we have with each other.
I am sure there will be more reflections to come from reading these old entries, but for now I am tired, and a little rambly - so it would be best for me to stop about here.
I used to be worried that I was too thin and people would think I was anorexic. I haven't worried about that in a long time now, probably since I was 18. I used to think about acting in destructive ways to get attention, because I was so bored with my life. I haven't felt the desire to do that in a long time either. I think college solved the Hereford boredom.
I posted so much about boys I liked. I feel like more people know about lj and could find me if they wanted to, and how if it was then - I wouldn't have wanted the people I wrote about to read what I wrote.
I was really obsessed with myself too. I think I am still self-centered, but I think everyone is to some extent. I feel that it is good to be conscious of myself and care about who I am. I think it is possible to be self-centered and still care deeply about others. Self-centered implies that there is only you in your world, but I think that is a misinterpretation of the term.
It's weird to me that friends I had in high school - as in people I considered my very best friends - I hardly communicate with anymore. They'll always be in some of my best memories, but I feel like everyone has changed and is going other ways and that it just isn't practical to be BEST friends with these people anymore. We'll always be friends though, just because of the amazing history we have with each other.
I am sure there will be more reflections to come from reading these old entries, but for now I am tired, and a little rambly - so it would be best for me to stop about here.