Where Do I Begin?
I have decided to do some serious inventory in my life-see what I need and see what I need to get rid of. It's the most bizarre seven days but I'll just leave with the story of last Friday. I just really need to type some stuff to clear my head. If you read this I want you to know that everything's fine and I never realized the actual complications/emotions behind everything until last night. You know I love to tell stories. They make me laugh because they're true so all that I am about to tell you is true but I told it with a smile. I thought it was funny then and it is funny to me now...for the most part.
The first party I ever threw (along with my dear roommates). So many people came out even though I live so far away from everyone. Jasmine & Rachel didn't know a lot of the people there because they were my friends. I was excited for the longest time for this party. It was a costume party and it was BYOB. One person came without a costume and we made them dress up as a lime slice (quite humorous). Mikey came up and I was quite elated for a haven't seen my junkface in ages. Time was flying, shots were taking, people started puking. Around 3am or so Jasmine flipped out about Rob puking on our carpet and started kicking people out. It happens. We kept a certain amount of people since they were spending the night.
My one friend calls me to tell me that he's had a crush on me for a year (we were both inebriated on the phone) and that he likes but figured that I didn't have time for a boyfriend. True and then some. I get off the phone with him getting more and more excited about sleep. Mikey tells me he's leaving with Andrea and I get all emotion because 1) I'm emotional the first two days after my period ends and 2) I'm intoxicated. They leave and I'm just lil too emotion for my own good. I zero in on the cutest guy there, Q. I forget what is real name is but I don't care anymore. He's an asshole and that's the type of guy I'm attracted to so I decide then and there I'll probably make out with him tonight. What better way to get over someone than lying with another (and by lying I mean spooning- V-card is still in effect people)?
In the apartment, each bedroom has it's own bathroom so I let everyone use mine. The three of us, Jasmine, Rachel, and I all had someone puking in our bathrooms at some point. But then again, multiple Smirnoff, Captain, Kaluha, Belvedeere, Schnapps, Pucker, various other types of vodka, 100 cans/bottles of beer, and people rollin next door will do that to people. Q goes to my room to use the bathroom. He's taking a while so go to check on him since I figured he was puking.
I go in there and he springs out of the bathroom and throws me down on the bed. I'm thinking "sweet, we're on the same train of thought here!" He lifts up shirt and I look at him and say "The door is wide open and all the lights are on. You really need to work on your execution." I adjust myself and walkout. He comes out and we mingle with the people who are staying the night-basically the people we are all friends with, besides Q who was a friend of a friend. Q was making fun of me for still having a costume on when everyone else had started changing into their pajamas. We joked with each other whatnot and then I went to my room because I had to use the bathroom.
I come out of the bathroom and there he is. Time for round 2 I suppose. He throws me down on the bed again, which again is fine with me, not to mention, he shut he door this time so he's obviously a refined gentleman now. Shirt comes off again but the lights are still on. I've come to the conclusion I don't like the lights on. Once again, my shirt goes back on, but he gets mouthy. He calls me a stupid ho, I call him a piece of shit; both of us talked in a sarcastic tone, so it wasn't anything serious. He sat down and went through all my music on my computer and we talked about our favorite songs and how my collection of music is amazing. He's won my tipsy heart for the third time now, especially since the lights were turned off and the door was closed.
For the third time, I get thrown down on the bed, which bothered me because it's obvious we both want to fool around with each other. A nice little pat on the mattress would of sufficed. I'm thrown and my shirt comes off one last time. For the first time, however, he kisses me and he's the worst kisser I've ever encountered in my life. You know the character Chris Kattan played on Saturday Night Live called Mr. Peepers, the half man/half monkey? That was how he kissed, to a T...or Q rather. I immediately groan becarse I am just thoroughly dissappointed. I just wanted to makeout with someone cute and the cutest guy turns out to be a piece of shit kisser. He, however, took my groans as a sign of affection.
He starts talking all of this shit immediately saying "I knew you wanted me, you've been wanting me so bad all fucking night, you're so lucky I'm on top of you right now" blah, blah, blah. He rips my pants off and his come off just as fast and it finally clicks with me "shit, he wants to have sex with me." I say no, but that really didn't phase him. He gets ready to go in but when he thrusts forward his chain dangled in my face. It was a crucifix. How ironic.
I hold it in my hand and I look at him and I say "What Would Jesus Do?" He haults entirely as if I've ruined the mood for him. I say "I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't fuck random chicks." He's pissed and he puts his pants back on, as do I, along with my shirt. I decided my shirt is staying on for the rest of the night.
I wake up in the morning and I roll over to see him in my bed fast asleep and snoring like woah. It was definitely my first time with the morning after syndrom. I left for a quick moment to drive some of the girls that spent the night to the parking lot so they wouldn't have to walk. I come back and he's awake asking "Where did I go". I start to tell him and he says "Shut up you fucking piece of shit." I get all heated. I call him a worthless n*gga and climb back into bed saying I don't care what he does but I am moody and I just want to sleep, considering it was 9am and I passed out around 5am. He starts feeling all over me and I tell him to stop because I'm moody, I still feel slightly buzzed, and it's freaking 9am the morning after a party. He says "Fine, if I can't touch you, I'll touch myself" and starts slapping away at himself. Appalled, I tell him to stop. I said he could rub my back but that's it. He demands me to rub his first but start to drift back asleep. He does not want to go back asleep so he suddenly tries to gut me and I'm through. I say no and then he gets pissed because he has morning wood. He then tries to shove it in my ass and I lose it.
I jump out of bed and throw his phone against the wall and start shouting at the top of my lungs. Something to the point him being a worthless n*gga and how he'll never amount to anything and that I'm pretty sure trying to have sex with someone no matter what they say isn't the most God-like thing to do. we scream at each other for 20 minutes and then he uses my bathroom. I take his clothes and throw them outside. He comes out and asks where they are and I respond with "out on the streets where your worthless piece of shit ass belongs and most likely will end up." To my surprise, he gets extremely sentimental and starts to apologize saying he never meant to hurt me blah blah blah. I bring in his clothes and I go in my room and lock the door. He and everyone else leaves to go get breakfast but I don't go. It would be awkward and no one knows what happened between us...until now.
So it's like this: I know I am at fault for this and I've told this story only to my roommates but I told it sarcastically for I found it funny how he kept trying so hard. I felt in control the whole time but now that I actually thought about it, I wasn't. I don't know. I guess I'll never know. I'm fine and I still don't see it as that big of a deal but at the same time I guess it should be. I was fine the moment he left and have been ever since. What baffles me is that the following week I discovered rumors about me being a slut was going around. I'm not, but that's just me. I've made out with 3 guys in the past 2 months-sue me.
Inventory is going on-some people are on my shit list now. I just need to be more active in my life rather than watching it go by without my consent. That is all.
P.S. I've never done an LJ cut before
The first party I ever threw (along with my dear roommates). So many people came out even though I live so far away from everyone. Jasmine & Rachel didn't know a lot of the people there because they were my friends. I was excited for the longest time for this party. It was a costume party and it was BYOB. One person came without a costume and we made them dress up as a lime slice (quite humorous). Mikey came up and I was quite elated for a haven't seen my junkface in ages. Time was flying, shots were taking, people started puking. Around 3am or so Jasmine flipped out about Rob puking on our carpet and started kicking people out. It happens. We kept a certain amount of people since they were spending the night.
My one friend calls me to tell me that he's had a crush on me for a year (we were both inebriated on the phone) and that he likes but figured that I didn't have time for a boyfriend. True and then some. I get off the phone with him getting more and more excited about sleep. Mikey tells me he's leaving with Andrea and I get all emotion because 1) I'm emotional the first two days after my period ends and 2) I'm intoxicated. They leave and I'm just lil too emotion for my own good. I zero in on the cutest guy there, Q. I forget what is real name is but I don't care anymore. He's an asshole and that's the type of guy I'm attracted to so I decide then and there I'll probably make out with him tonight. What better way to get over someone than lying with another (and by lying I mean spooning- V-card is still in effect people)?
In the apartment, each bedroom has it's own bathroom so I let everyone use mine. The three of us, Jasmine, Rachel, and I all had someone puking in our bathrooms at some point. But then again, multiple Smirnoff, Captain, Kaluha, Belvedeere, Schnapps, Pucker, various other types of vodka, 100 cans/bottles of beer, and people rollin next door will do that to people. Q goes to my room to use the bathroom. He's taking a while so go to check on him since I figured he was puking.
I go in there and he springs out of the bathroom and throws me down on the bed. I'm thinking "sweet, we're on the same train of thought here!" He lifts up shirt and I look at him and say "The door is wide open and all the lights are on. You really need to work on your execution." I adjust myself and walkout. He comes out and we mingle with the people who are staying the night-basically the people we are all friends with, besides Q who was a friend of a friend. Q was making fun of me for still having a costume on when everyone else had started changing into their pajamas. We joked with each other whatnot and then I went to my room because I had to use the bathroom.
I come out of the bathroom and there he is. Time for round 2 I suppose. He throws me down on the bed again, which again is fine with me, not to mention, he shut he door this time so he's obviously a refined gentleman now. Shirt comes off again but the lights are still on. I've come to the conclusion I don't like the lights on. Once again, my shirt goes back on, but he gets mouthy. He calls me a stupid ho, I call him a piece of shit; both of us talked in a sarcastic tone, so it wasn't anything serious. He sat down and went through all my music on my computer and we talked about our favorite songs and how my collection of music is amazing. He's won my tipsy heart for the third time now, especially since the lights were turned off and the door was closed.
For the third time, I get thrown down on the bed, which bothered me because it's obvious we both want to fool around with each other. A nice little pat on the mattress would of sufficed. I'm thrown and my shirt comes off one last time. For the first time, however, he kisses me and he's the worst kisser I've ever encountered in my life. You know the character Chris Kattan played on Saturday Night Live called Mr. Peepers, the half man/half monkey? That was how he kissed, to a T...or Q rather. I immediately groan becarse I am just thoroughly dissappointed. I just wanted to makeout with someone cute and the cutest guy turns out to be a piece of shit kisser. He, however, took my groans as a sign of affection.
He starts talking all of this shit immediately saying "I knew you wanted me, you've been wanting me so bad all fucking night, you're so lucky I'm on top of you right now" blah, blah, blah. He rips my pants off and his come off just as fast and it finally clicks with me "shit, he wants to have sex with me." I say no, but that really didn't phase him. He gets ready to go in but when he thrusts forward his chain dangled in my face. It was a crucifix. How ironic.
I hold it in my hand and I look at him and I say "What Would Jesus Do?" He haults entirely as if I've ruined the mood for him. I say "I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't fuck random chicks." He's pissed and he puts his pants back on, as do I, along with my shirt. I decided my shirt is staying on for the rest of the night.
I wake up in the morning and I roll over to see him in my bed fast asleep and snoring like woah. It was definitely my first time with the morning after syndrom. I left for a quick moment to drive some of the girls that spent the night to the parking lot so they wouldn't have to walk. I come back and he's awake asking "Where did I go". I start to tell him and he says "Shut up you fucking piece of shit." I get all heated. I call him a worthless n*gga and climb back into bed saying I don't care what he does but I am moody and I just want to sleep, considering it was 9am and I passed out around 5am. He starts feeling all over me and I tell him to stop because I'm moody, I still feel slightly buzzed, and it's freaking 9am the morning after a party. He says "Fine, if I can't touch you, I'll touch myself" and starts slapping away at himself. Appalled, I tell him to stop. I said he could rub my back but that's it. He demands me to rub his first but start to drift back asleep. He does not want to go back asleep so he suddenly tries to gut me and I'm through. I say no and then he gets pissed because he has morning wood. He then tries to shove it in my ass and I lose it.
I jump out of bed and throw his phone against the wall and start shouting at the top of my lungs. Something to the point him being a worthless n*gga and how he'll never amount to anything and that I'm pretty sure trying to have sex with someone no matter what they say isn't the most God-like thing to do. we scream at each other for 20 minutes and then he uses my bathroom. I take his clothes and throw them outside. He comes out and asks where they are and I respond with "out on the streets where your worthless piece of shit ass belongs and most likely will end up." To my surprise, he gets extremely sentimental and starts to apologize saying he never meant to hurt me blah blah blah. I bring in his clothes and I go in my room and lock the door. He and everyone else leaves to go get breakfast but I don't go. It would be awkward and no one knows what happened between us...until now.
So it's like this: I know I am at fault for this and I've told this story only to my roommates but I told it sarcastically for I found it funny how he kept trying so hard. I felt in control the whole time but now that I actually thought about it, I wasn't. I don't know. I guess I'll never know. I'm fine and I still don't see it as that big of a deal but at the same time I guess it should be. I was fine the moment he left and have been ever since. What baffles me is that the following week I discovered rumors about me being a slut was going around. I'm not, but that's just me. I've made out with 3 guys in the past 2 months-sue me.
Inventory is going on-some people are on my shit list now. I just need to be more active in my life rather than watching it go by without my consent. That is all.
P.S. I've never done an LJ cut before