coming out to my grandparents
A lot of people post about coming out to parents, but not as many post about coming out to grandparents. Last weekend, I came out to mine (on Father's Day) and I thought I would post the story here. (I already posted it to my personal journal last week, so if you read that, you've already seen this.)
For Father's Day, my parents and I went out to dinner with my grandfather (my father's father), my grandmother and one of my uncles. The smell of red wine always reminds me of Grandpa Ted. He's not an alcoholic or anything like that, but he enjoys his wine, and I remember when I was little sitting on his lap as he had his afternoon glass after work.
He started out working in little grocery stores all over the place and ended up owning several convenience stores in this part of the state. Convenience stores remind me of him too, even though there are only a few times I remember us being in one where he was working.
He is retired now and has only two interests: his garden and golf. He can't walk by a plant or flower without telling you what it is or speculating about what it is if he doesn't know.
Dad and Grandpa Ted get along well, but Dad gets annoyed because Grandpa Ted keeps encouraging him to "knock off early" and come help him with the garden or go play a round of golf. My grandfather seems to think because Dad has a "desk job" he can just wander off at 2:00 pm. Dad's job isn't really a desk job (he's a manager with a state government agency and he drives all over the place meeting people, inspecting stuff, etc.) and even if it was, most employers frown on that kind of thing. If one of Grandpa's employees had "knocked off early" I'm sure he wouldn't have put up with it for a second. Grandpa has some strange ideas about which jobs are "cushy."
Grandpa Ted is nice, but in most respects I have to admit he's a philistine. He often cuts out the comic strip The Lockhorns and puts it up on the fridge. I'm not sure he has read a book that wasn't about sports. My grandmother likes to travel, but he doesn't, so she has to go with friends. Grandpa Ted doesn't understand why you need to go to Italy when you can see all about it on TV. Why travel when you have cable? And everything's in a different language. What if you couldn't find the bathroom?
I don't say this to be mean. It's just how he is. When he sees me with a book (which is often) or asks about school, he always calls me "the egghead" and predicts I'll grow up to be a college professor. He doesn't say this like it's a bad thing, but it's not like it's a completely good thing either. I know no grandparent would ever admit to playing favorites, but I think he is more comfortable with my cousin Jesse, who is my age, and who he can talk about sports with. There is no risk of Jesse becoming a college professor.
I didn't want to use a holiday to make a big scene and come out to my grandparents, but I also resolved that if he asked me about girls or something like that, I would not avoid it or hide it. After dinner, standing around in the parking lot, he commented that he thought I was getting taller and asked if I was "too young to be chasing the girls."
I said "Actually I'm gay, so I wouldn't really be chasing the girls."
He asked "Gay? Why would you want to be gay?"
I said "I just am. It's not about what you want. Some people just are."
He said "Your grandma used to love watching that Liberace guy, but I never understood men dressing like that."
I said being gay didn't mean you had to dress a particular way. I asked if he had seen Will & Grace. I figured keeping to TV analogies would be best.
He said "It's up to you, but you may regret letting all those pretty girls go to waste."
I told him I was comfortable with the risk. My grandmother changed the subject quickly. She does that a lot when there's any hint of family conflict. On the drive home, my parents didn't mention the big scene.
For Father's Day, my parents and I went out to dinner with my grandfather (my father's father), my grandmother and one of my uncles. The smell of red wine always reminds me of Grandpa Ted. He's not an alcoholic or anything like that, but he enjoys his wine, and I remember when I was little sitting on his lap as he had his afternoon glass after work.
He started out working in little grocery stores all over the place and ended up owning several convenience stores in this part of the state. Convenience stores remind me of him too, even though there are only a few times I remember us being in one where he was working.
He is retired now and has only two interests: his garden and golf. He can't walk by a plant or flower without telling you what it is or speculating about what it is if he doesn't know.
Dad and Grandpa Ted get along well, but Dad gets annoyed because Grandpa Ted keeps encouraging him to "knock off early" and come help him with the garden or go play a round of golf. My grandfather seems to think because Dad has a "desk job" he can just wander off at 2:00 pm. Dad's job isn't really a desk job (he's a manager with a state government agency and he drives all over the place meeting people, inspecting stuff, etc.) and even if it was, most employers frown on that kind of thing. If one of Grandpa's employees had "knocked off early" I'm sure he wouldn't have put up with it for a second. Grandpa has some strange ideas about which jobs are "cushy."
Grandpa Ted is nice, but in most respects I have to admit he's a philistine. He often cuts out the comic strip The Lockhorns and puts it up on the fridge. I'm not sure he has read a book that wasn't about sports. My grandmother likes to travel, but he doesn't, so she has to go with friends. Grandpa Ted doesn't understand why you need to go to Italy when you can see all about it on TV. Why travel when you have cable? And everything's in a different language. What if you couldn't find the bathroom?
I don't say this to be mean. It's just how he is. When he sees me with a book (which is often) or asks about school, he always calls me "the egghead" and predicts I'll grow up to be a college professor. He doesn't say this like it's a bad thing, but it's not like it's a completely good thing either. I know no grandparent would ever admit to playing favorites, but I think he is more comfortable with my cousin Jesse, who is my age, and who he can talk about sports with. There is no risk of Jesse becoming a college professor.
I didn't want to use a holiday to make a big scene and come out to my grandparents, but I also resolved that if he asked me about girls or something like that, I would not avoid it or hide it. After dinner, standing around in the parking lot, he commented that he thought I was getting taller and asked if I was "too young to be chasing the girls."
I said "Actually I'm gay, so I wouldn't really be chasing the girls."
He asked "Gay? Why would you want to be gay?"
I said "I just am. It's not about what you want. Some people just are."
He said "Your grandma used to love watching that Liberace guy, but I never understood men dressing like that."
I said being gay didn't mean you had to dress a particular way. I asked if he had seen Will & Grace. I figured keeping to TV analogies would be best.
He said "It's up to you, but you may regret letting all those pretty girls go to waste."
I told him I was comfortable with the risk. My grandmother changed the subject quickly. She does that a lot when there's any hint of family conflict. On the drive home, my parents didn't mention the big scene.