Fic: Government-Controlled Hats
One evening I was playing around with the YA dystopia generator and came up with a title/banned thing/controlled thing combination that seemed to fit a certain someone a little too well. It inspired a short Pyro-centered TF2 fic.
The BLU team had seen its share of mix-ups with the weekly supply train. There were small, understandable mistakes like the time all the fruit came canned in syrup instead of natural juices, and no one complained except Medic. There were understandable but disastrous errors like the time the team received an entire shipment of bolts that were the wrong size, and Engineer had to make do with what he could salvage from damaged and obsolete buildings. Then there were the screw-ups that were just plain weird, like the week they didn’t get any milk because the space was taken up by one hundred identical tri-corner hats. BLU sent its mercenaries scientific and technical publications to keep them up to date on the latest advances in medicine, electronics, and pushing previously established limits on how much gun could be used at one time. Some of the team members ordered additional reading material for their own enjoyment. But a shipment of multiple copies of the same fiction book had to be a mistake. Besides, these books had iridescent purple covers.
Sniper gingerly picked one up and read the back cover. “It’s called Burn by Maria Castle. ‘In a world where fire has been banned and the government controls hats, one plucky tomboy and one brooding cowboy must ignite the flames of revolution.’ Huh.”
Demo laughed loudly. “Sounds like something Pyro would write!”
“Pyro did write it,” said Medic.
“Waaaait . . . you’re serious?”
“Pyro can write?” Scout said in disbelief.
“That kind of remark is exactly why Pyro didn’t want the rest of the team to know about it until the book was finished,” said Medic.
“Hey, this means our Pyro’s a lass, then,” said Demo. “I win!”
“Don’t be silly,” replied Medic. “Maria Castle is a pen name.”
“So Scout was right?”
Medic declined to settle his teammates’ debate about Pyro’s gender. Instead, he called for Pyro to come out and see the books. The other BLUs had not quite believed his claim that Pyro had written the novel until they saw her (?) reaction to the crate full of books. Pyro clapped like a seal, jumped up and down, made happy noises, hugged several copies, and did a little dance.
“Uss mmpheez buxn d’bsso uh cn sn’m n grv’mmt!” Pyro mumbled excitedly.
“I reckon it’d be easier for you sign ‘em out here, and each of could carry his own copy,” said Engineer. “You weren’t planning on using that crate for anything, were you?”
“Srt!” Pyro replied. “Gtapn?”
Engineer retrieved a pen from one of his many pockets. Pyro down the three books she had been hugging and took the pen. “Swn’s m’kpy.” She pointed at one of the three. “Uh prmzd t’snd mz pahln uh snd kpy.” She scribbled a note inside one of the books and put it aside. “Wn fr t’unnnsr. Enjy, tswnz yrz.”
“I sure do appreciate it,” Engineer said as he accepted his copy.
“Snpr, yr nx.”
“Uh, thanks, mate.”
“Fr medk’n’huvy-mk shr hvy rdziz, kay?”
“I certainly will,” said Medic as he accepted two copies of Pyro’s book. “I have no doubt we’ll both enjoy your story.”
“D’mo, skt, uh uhlms av yr kpiez rdy.”
“So, like, this is really happening?” said Scout. “Pyro wrote some sissy purple book, and now we all have to read it or something? Man, I thought I was done with this shit when I got outta school!”
Demo smacked Scout on the back of the head. “Do you want to make her angry?”
“Y shd rd.” Pyro shoved Scout’s copy at him more forcefully than was strictly necessary. “Mt hz esssprrshinz. Ylk esssprrshinzn chsseen, rt?”
“Uh, I guess,” said Scout. “Does it have any dirty parts?”
Pyro shook her head emphatically.
“It’s a young adult novel,” said Sniper. “Publishers don’t like to put graphic sex scenes in those because they’re marketed to teenage girls.”
Scout’s distaste for the book increased, if that was possible. “Then why the hell did Pyro write it?”
“Uhrt tbk uh wnnnd trd,” said Pyro. “Muhjnt tld mm ‘Dsiz fr tnnnj grrrls,’ suhshee sldt uhzuhwuaaynvl. Md mmpta lvtrngl nt, bt uhzrwzz gd.”
In the following weeks, Pyro managed to wheedle or intimidate every member of the BLU team into reading her first published novel. She received a complimentary letter about it from Ms. Pauling and fan mail from lots of young girls and a group of older readers who called themselves Burn Moms. Scout’s mother became the president of Pyro’s fan club. The BLU Pyro was satisfied . . . until she learned that nearly a third of the fandom was on Team Spy.
This entry was originally posted at http://gryphonsegg.dreamwidth.org/69033.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
The BLU team had seen its share of mix-ups with the weekly supply train. There were small, understandable mistakes like the time all the fruit came canned in syrup instead of natural juices, and no one complained except Medic. There were understandable but disastrous errors like the time the team received an entire shipment of bolts that were the wrong size, and Engineer had to make do with what he could salvage from damaged and obsolete buildings. Then there were the screw-ups that were just plain weird, like the week they didn’t get any milk because the space was taken up by one hundred identical tri-corner hats. BLU sent its mercenaries scientific and technical publications to keep them up to date on the latest advances in medicine, electronics, and pushing previously established limits on how much gun could be used at one time. Some of the team members ordered additional reading material for their own enjoyment. But a shipment of multiple copies of the same fiction book had to be a mistake. Besides, these books had iridescent purple covers.
Sniper gingerly picked one up and read the back cover. “It’s called Burn by Maria Castle. ‘In a world where fire has been banned and the government controls hats, one plucky tomboy and one brooding cowboy must ignite the flames of revolution.’ Huh.”
Demo laughed loudly. “Sounds like something Pyro would write!”
“Pyro did write it,” said Medic.
“Waaaait . . . you’re serious?”
“Pyro can write?” Scout said in disbelief.
“That kind of remark is exactly why Pyro didn’t want the rest of the team to know about it until the book was finished,” said Medic.
“Hey, this means our Pyro’s a lass, then,” said Demo. “I win!”
“Don’t be silly,” replied Medic. “Maria Castle is a pen name.”
“So Scout was right?”
Medic declined to settle his teammates’ debate about Pyro’s gender. Instead, he called for Pyro to come out and see the books. The other BLUs had not quite believed his claim that Pyro had written the novel until they saw her (?) reaction to the crate full of books. Pyro clapped like a seal, jumped up and down, made happy noises, hugged several copies, and did a little dance.
“Uss mmpheez buxn d’bsso uh cn sn’m n grv’mmt!” Pyro mumbled excitedly.
“I reckon it’d be easier for you sign ‘em out here, and each of could carry his own copy,” said Engineer. “You weren’t planning on using that crate for anything, were you?”
“Srt!” Pyro replied. “Gtapn?”
Engineer retrieved a pen from one of his many pockets. Pyro down the three books she had been hugging and took the pen. “Swn’s m’kpy.” She pointed at one of the three. “Uh prmzd t’snd mz pahln uh snd kpy.” She scribbled a note inside one of the books and put it aside. “Wn fr t’unnnsr. Enjy, tswnz yrz.”
“I sure do appreciate it,” Engineer said as he accepted his copy.
“Snpr, yr nx.”
“Uh, thanks, mate.”
“Fr medk’n’huvy-mk shr hvy rdziz, kay?”
“I certainly will,” said Medic as he accepted two copies of Pyro’s book. “I have no doubt we’ll both enjoy your story.”
“D’mo, skt, uh uhlms av yr kpiez rdy.”
“So, like, this is really happening?” said Scout. “Pyro wrote some sissy purple book, and now we all have to read it or something? Man, I thought I was done with this shit when I got outta school!”
Demo smacked Scout on the back of the head. “Do you want to make her angry?”
“Y shd rd.” Pyro shoved Scout’s copy at him more forcefully than was strictly necessary. “Mt hz esssprrshinz. Ylk esssprrshinzn chsseen, rt?”
“Uh, I guess,” said Scout. “Does it have any dirty parts?”
Pyro shook her head emphatically.
“It’s a young adult novel,” said Sniper. “Publishers don’t like to put graphic sex scenes in those because they’re marketed to teenage girls.”
Scout’s distaste for the book increased, if that was possible. “Then why the hell did Pyro write it?”
“Uhrt tbk uh wnnnd trd,” said Pyro. “Muhjnt tld mm ‘Dsiz fr tnnnj grrrls,’ suhshee sldt uhzuhwuaaynvl. Md mmpta lvtrngl nt, bt uhzrwzz gd.”
In the following weeks, Pyro managed to wheedle or intimidate every member of the BLU team into reading her first published novel. She received a complimentary letter about it from Ms. Pauling and fan mail from lots of young girls and a group of older readers who called themselves Burn Moms. Scout’s mother became the president of Pyro’s fan club. The BLU Pyro was satisfied . . . until she learned that nearly a third of the fandom was on Team Spy.
This entry was originally posted at http://gryphonsegg.dreamwidth.org/69033.html. Please comment there using OpenID.