Joining the Corps: Hope Burns Bright
Today it felt like fall. I can't pinpoint why exactly; it was just something in the air. I've started looking for boots for my new costume. I'll probably end up with black ones after shopping around some more. I'd rather have blue, but I don't want to get to invested in having to find exactly the right shade. Besides, I can reuse black boots for a wider variety of other costumes and non-costume clothing.
I have my pants, my jacket, and a highly supportive upper body garment that goes beyond a mere bra. I haven't worn athletic clothes or even a sport bra in years. I haven't felt I have the right to do so. They're the most comfortable kind of clothing for me and the kind in which I feel my best and most like myself, but . . . I'm so unathletic! I don't look like an athlete! I'm too fat, too short, to short-legged, too damn female! I have breasts! I have breasts that are way too unacceptably huge, even for a non-athlete! I guess it's possible for some people who have small breasts to be athletes, but not someone like me! I don't even have the right to buy an athletic style bra, even though some lines have them in a big enough size, even though I feel so much better in that than in anything else! I'm flabby! I'm a nerd! My stomach will never be flat! I used to be really clumsy! I have premature joint troubles! I would never, ever tell another person who looked like me that she couldn't run or do other athletic activities or dress like someone who does, but this is ME we're talking about! ME, the failboat who isn't allowed to do anything because I'll just mess up and fail no matter . . . What? Seriously, what? I have to earn the right to wear comfortable clothes? It doesn't make sense logically, but that's a mild sample of the baggage I've been carrying around. It runs through my head every time I shop for clothing. At least it did every time until my costume-hunting trip.
They didn't just have my size at this one store. They had stuff in my size that fit perfectly. And one of the jackets was the perfect shade of of blue for the Blue Lantern Corps. I hadn't decided, when I walked into the store, whether I wanted to go with Green (courage/will power), Red (anger), Blue (hope), or Indigo (compassion) Lanterns. Then I saw that jacket. All it needs is a little patch or two. I hate trying things on, hate looking at myself in a mirror . . . or at least I used to. You see, I couldn't let such abusive, self-defeating thoughts run through my mind while I seriously contemplated cosplaying as a Blue Lantern of all cosplays. That would just be wrong. So I put an outfit together and went to the dressing room, and when I tried it on, I found myself standing up straight without reminding myself. It just happened. For the first time in years, I felt like my body was a medium through which I could do stuff, rather than a hindrance that prevented me from doing stuff. For the first time in years, I felt strong and not ashamed of my appearance. This is what a vague resemblance to a fictional order of space heroes does to me? Apparently, when the fictional order of space heroes is the Blue Lantern Corps, the answer is yes. So that's how my fan character got started.
So, what is the Blue Lantern Corps like? Well, it was founded by Sayd and Ganthet, who were kicked out of the Guardians of the Universe for having too much individuality and too much feeling. Also, Sayd was one of the few female members of that organization, and she had already been in trouble for reading a forbidden chapter of a sacred book. Oh yeah, and they look like this. She's the one with LESS hair. The Corps is headquartered on Odym, a paradisaical planet that orbits Polaris. Yep, the star that guided lost sailors and escaping slaves on Earth becomes the home of a team powered by and dedicated to spreading hope. The Corps members include "some of our universe's holiest beings," selected for their ability maintain hope through life's struggles and to inspire hope in others. One of them is popularly considered a living saint among his people. And one of them, ,Brother Warth, is designed to resemble the Hindu god Ganesh, remover of obstacles. Imagery associated with the Blue Lantern Corps is drawn from symbols of hope, enlightenment, and sacrifice for a better future from a variety of religious and folklore traditions.
Yeah, I can't go around feeling hopeless and worthless anymore. I didn't find a pair of boots I want to commit to yet, but I did find some really comfortable and deeply discounted walking/jogging shoes-- the only pair left in my size, and they're blue. I got them because I enjoy walking outside in the fall, and I don't have to be the most athletic person ever to earn the the right to do so or the right to wear comfortable shoes.
This entry was originally posted at http://gryphonsegg.dreamwidth.org/35124.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I have my pants, my jacket, and a highly supportive upper body garment that goes beyond a mere bra. I haven't worn athletic clothes or even a sport bra in years. I haven't felt I have the right to do so. They're the most comfortable kind of clothing for me and the kind in which I feel my best and most like myself, but . . . I'm so unathletic! I don't look like an athlete! I'm too fat, too short, to short-legged, too damn female! I have breasts! I have breasts that are way too unacceptably huge, even for a non-athlete! I guess it's possible for some people who have small breasts to be athletes, but not someone like me! I don't even have the right to buy an athletic style bra, even though some lines have them in a big enough size, even though I feel so much better in that than in anything else! I'm flabby! I'm a nerd! My stomach will never be flat! I used to be really clumsy! I have premature joint troubles! I would never, ever tell another person who looked like me that she couldn't run or do other athletic activities or dress like someone who does, but this is ME we're talking about! ME, the failboat who isn't allowed to do anything because I'll just mess up and fail no matter . . . What? Seriously, what? I have to earn the right to wear comfortable clothes? It doesn't make sense logically, but that's a mild sample of the baggage I've been carrying around. It runs through my head every time I shop for clothing. At least it did every time until my costume-hunting trip.
They didn't just have my size at this one store. They had stuff in my size that fit perfectly. And one of the jackets was the perfect shade of of blue for the Blue Lantern Corps. I hadn't decided, when I walked into the store, whether I wanted to go with Green (courage/will power), Red (anger), Blue (hope), or Indigo (compassion) Lanterns. Then I saw that jacket. All it needs is a little patch or two. I hate trying things on, hate looking at myself in a mirror . . . or at least I used to. You see, I couldn't let such abusive, self-defeating thoughts run through my mind while I seriously contemplated cosplaying as a Blue Lantern of all cosplays. That would just be wrong. So I put an outfit together and went to the dressing room, and when I tried it on, I found myself standing up straight without reminding myself. It just happened. For the first time in years, I felt like my body was a medium through which I could do stuff, rather than a hindrance that prevented me from doing stuff. For the first time in years, I felt strong and not ashamed of my appearance. This is what a vague resemblance to a fictional order of space heroes does to me? Apparently, when the fictional order of space heroes is the Blue Lantern Corps, the answer is yes. So that's how my fan character got started.
So, what is the Blue Lantern Corps like? Well, it was founded by Sayd and Ganthet, who were kicked out of the Guardians of the Universe for having too much individuality and too much feeling. Also, Sayd was one of the few female members of that organization, and she had already been in trouble for reading a forbidden chapter of a sacred book. Oh yeah, and they look like this. She's the one with LESS hair. The Corps is headquartered on Odym, a paradisaical planet that orbits Polaris. Yep, the star that guided lost sailors and escaping slaves on Earth becomes the home of a team powered by and dedicated to spreading hope. The Corps members include "some of our universe's holiest beings," selected for their ability maintain hope through life's struggles and to inspire hope in others. One of them is popularly considered a living saint among his people. And one of them, ,Brother Warth, is designed to resemble the Hindu god Ganesh, remover of obstacles. Imagery associated with the Blue Lantern Corps is drawn from symbols of hope, enlightenment, and sacrifice for a better future from a variety of religious and folklore traditions.
Yeah, I can't go around feeling hopeless and worthless anymore. I didn't find a pair of boots I want to commit to yet, but I did find some really comfortable and deeply discounted walking/jogging shoes-- the only pair left in my size, and they're blue. I got them because I enjoy walking outside in the fall, and I don't have to be the most athletic person ever to earn the the right to do so or the right to wear comfortable shoes.
This entry was originally posted at http://gryphonsegg.dreamwidth.org/35124.html. Please comment there using OpenID.