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Mar 15, 2009 00:29


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leemoyer March 15 2009, 20:43:05 UTC
Overall, lovely.

All of Haiku Jaguar's concerns seem to me actually advantageous to make people interested in the books contents,and I quite like the quadrant map as cauldron effect. :)

This is that symmetry/asymmetry style that Donato and Hickman do so well, and it's like a souffle - very delicate. The near symmetry of the foreground "handle" thing seems a bit problematic when combined with the bkgd. Judging by the "console" and the foreground, it's like we're supposed to be looking at here from this POV> But then the bkgd is at odds with that. As well as brightness with which you've rendered the pointy blade-like machine parts on the right, they appear too close to our heroine to make much sense. The near circle on the upper left traps my gaze and probably should change.

If any of this needs further explication, please feel free to call. As with your assassin over the marketplace piece, it seems like it would be a shame to have such a good piece brought down by a few design details...

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gryphart March 15 2009, 23:05:27 UTC
Hmmm. I see your point about the foreground thingie's symmetry, and the background bits being too bright - not sure what you mean about the POV, though. I tried shifting the foreground bit to be more on the right earlier, but it seemed to unbalance the composition. I'll try making it asymmetrical, though, as that's a solution I hadn't tried.

Hopefully my design sense will get better post-composition workshop in May - I've been trying to chip away at it.

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leemoyer March 15 2009, 23:08:04 UTC
You're just so close is all.

The POV I mean is that the symmetry of the lower tech is as though to focus the viewer. It's intentional design like the bridge of the Entrerprise, and while there's nothing wrong with that at all, it clashes with the bkgd's Asymmetry. It's tricky.

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gryphart March 17 2009, 05:35:55 UTC

... )

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leemoyer March 17 2009, 05:55:41 UTC
Just sent my thoughts in a visible email. :)

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gryphart March 17 2009, 18:00:43 UTC
Hm... email no worky? :(

Try thegryph@gmail.com .

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