New Mayan Calendar "Epoch II" Announced
Excitement is building in the Mayan publishing community as they gear up for their first new calendar release in over 5,000 years. "Publishing technology has come a long way in that time," says Apolinario Chile Pixtun. ""We're going to be able to move away from the traditional stone tablets and switch to paper for this release, allowing us to have a separate page for each of the 5,125 harvest cycles. This will allow us much greater diversity in the themes and art we use for the new edition."
When asked about the rumors of the world ending when the current calendar runs out of days, Pixtun gave an exasperated sigh. "This whole apocalyptic notion is just Western European mythology imposing itself onto our mythology. The world is no more likely to end at the conclusion of our calendar than it is when you get to day 365 of your Dilbert-A-Day calendar."
The new calendar is expected to be distributed through shopping mall kiosks and seasonal retail outlets. "We're going to try and jazz this one up quite a bit over Epoch I," Pixtun says. "We'll have a thousand or so years featuring the severed heads of losing Pok-a-Tok stars for the sports fans. Certainly some cute animal pictures with amusingly miscarved logosyllabic glyphs. And bikinis, of course."
Pixtun claims that they are even trying to enlist some of the Mayan Gods and Goddesses for special appearances. "We're having trouble getting in contact with a few of them, and not just because we're no longer allowed to make the appropriate human sacrificial offerings. The Moon Goddess, for example, seems to have changed her name to Mary a couple of millennium ago and is now lurking on a piece of toast in Mazatlan."
Pixtun did assure us that they will also be offering the traditional style stone tablet version for those that prefer the old ways. "It will still likely have more bikinis, however, to ensure a contemporary look."
When asked about the rumors of the world ending when the current calendar runs out of days, Pixtun gave an exasperated sigh. "This whole apocalyptic notion is just Western European mythology imposing itself onto our mythology. The world is no more likely to end at the conclusion of our calendar than it is when you get to day 365 of your Dilbert-A-Day calendar."
The new calendar is expected to be distributed through shopping mall kiosks and seasonal retail outlets. "We're going to try and jazz this one up quite a bit over Epoch I," Pixtun says. "We'll have a thousand or so years featuring the severed heads of losing Pok-a-Tok stars for the sports fans. Certainly some cute animal pictures with amusingly miscarved logosyllabic glyphs. And bikinis, of course."
Pixtun claims that they are even trying to enlist some of the Mayan Gods and Goddesses for special appearances. "We're having trouble getting in contact with a few of them, and not just because we're no longer allowed to make the appropriate human sacrificial offerings. The Moon Goddess, for example, seems to have changed her name to Mary a couple of millennium ago and is now lurking on a piece of toast in Mazatlan."
Pixtun did assure us that they will also be offering the traditional style stone tablet version for those that prefer the old ways. "It will still likely have more bikinis, however, to ensure a contemporary look."