Impending Doom
Can I just say that I am going pretty crazy now?
"I am going pretty crazy now"
Just four days left before I leave for Connecticut.
My plane flies out of Portland at 6:50am this Saturday, so really I just have three more days until I leave, since it's so early in the morning.
So I have lots of excited anticipation for this new adventure, some dread of what the first week of "military indoctrination" will be like, concern that I won't get over this cold quickly enough. I'm sad to be away from Ravenfrog, worried about how she will be while I'm gone.
Overall though I am keeping in mind that I have prayed a lot about this, about what God wants me to do. From way back when I was first starting to look for a new job, which was back in July or so of last year. Just turning my life over to him and asking him to lead me where he wanted me to go. I hope that I have listened well enough.
That is my only real stress, is whether or not I have heard Him correctly, and I that I am really doing what He intends for me to do. As far as I can tell, since I have prayed specifically asking for guidance and anything to lead me one way or another, the Coast Guard accepting me and having the whole process work out is what I am taking as guidance.
Maybe that is not the way to do it, but I'm not sure what other options there are.
Ravenfrog's father whom I respect for his knowledge of the bible and philosophical type thought (not necessarily as much as Ravenfrog, but maybe in a different way) suggested that it was a reasonable way to do things to test God like Gideon did in Judges 6:36, the whole thing with the fleece. For some reason when he first talked about that it sounded pretty hokey and maybe a little, I don't know, arrogant maybe. Testing God like that seems like a dangerous game to play. On the other hand, it would actually give some clear guidance that way, which would be nice.
Maybe it is just me, but the "small quiet voice" thing makes me nervous that I am actually doing what I want to do and just rationalizing things as opposed to doing what God is saying to do. It just goes to show that the whole communication thing in any relationship is prone to be difficult. Don't worry, I'm not going to start living my life by putting a fleece out on the lawn whenever I have a big decision to make, or using dice either. The dice thing is a reference to something the pastor at last Sunday's church service said in his sermon about how people in the old testament would use essentially dice to make decisions where they expected God to control the dice to provide the answers they sought. Which to me at least just sounds really stupid, but is that just a product of my limited faith? Do I not believe that God could control dice if He wanted to? Maybe there is something in the New Testament that counters that whole idea that God will control dice and such to communicate with us, now that there is the Holy Spirit? Or maybe no one is willing to accept the idea because of our humanistic science background now. I don't know, whatever, I need to stop typing and get back to work.
Well, thank you, this whole thought dump has been helpful for me to get it out of my head, so I can concentrate on work now. It is also good to have reminded myself that with as much certainty as I am capable of I am moving in the direction that God intends for me and Ravenfrog to go, and so now I will embrace that and go. With a glad heart and confidence that what is to come, though parts may be less than enjoyable (like missing Ravenfrog) overall the process will be good and worth it.
"I am going pretty crazy now"
Just four days left before I leave for Connecticut.
My plane flies out of Portland at 6:50am this Saturday, so really I just have three more days until I leave, since it's so early in the morning.
So I have lots of excited anticipation for this new adventure, some dread of what the first week of "military indoctrination" will be like, concern that I won't get over this cold quickly enough. I'm sad to be away from Ravenfrog, worried about how she will be while I'm gone.
Overall though I am keeping in mind that I have prayed a lot about this, about what God wants me to do. From way back when I was first starting to look for a new job, which was back in July or so of last year. Just turning my life over to him and asking him to lead me where he wanted me to go. I hope that I have listened well enough.
That is my only real stress, is whether or not I have heard Him correctly, and I that I am really doing what He intends for me to do. As far as I can tell, since I have prayed specifically asking for guidance and anything to lead me one way or another, the Coast Guard accepting me and having the whole process work out is what I am taking as guidance.
Maybe that is not the way to do it, but I'm not sure what other options there are.
Ravenfrog's father whom I respect for his knowledge of the bible and philosophical type thought (not necessarily as much as Ravenfrog, but maybe in a different way) suggested that it was a reasonable way to do things to test God like Gideon did in Judges 6:36, the whole thing with the fleece. For some reason when he first talked about that it sounded pretty hokey and maybe a little, I don't know, arrogant maybe. Testing God like that seems like a dangerous game to play. On the other hand, it would actually give some clear guidance that way, which would be nice.
Maybe it is just me, but the "small quiet voice" thing makes me nervous that I am actually doing what I want to do and just rationalizing things as opposed to doing what God is saying to do. It just goes to show that the whole communication thing in any relationship is prone to be difficult. Don't worry, I'm not going to start living my life by putting a fleece out on the lawn whenever I have a big decision to make, or using dice either. The dice thing is a reference to something the pastor at last Sunday's church service said in his sermon about how people in the old testament would use essentially dice to make decisions where they expected God to control the dice to provide the answers they sought. Which to me at least just sounds really stupid, but is that just a product of my limited faith? Do I not believe that God could control dice if He wanted to? Maybe there is something in the New Testament that counters that whole idea that God will control dice and such to communicate with us, now that there is the Holy Spirit? Or maybe no one is willing to accept the idea because of our humanistic science background now. I don't know, whatever, I need to stop typing and get back to work.
Well, thank you, this whole thought dump has been helpful for me to get it out of my head, so I can concentrate on work now. It is also good to have reminded myself that with as much certainty as I am capable of I am moving in the direction that God intends for me and Ravenfrog to go, and so now I will embrace that and go. With a glad heart and confidence that what is to come, though parts may be less than enjoyable (like missing Ravenfrog) overall the process will be good and worth it.