Wonder...
The mind tells you your body will break before your body actually does - know that?
you can actually do more than you think you can - your mind tells you no you cant
so what about pain
how much pain can you stand before you crumble
i mean there are different ways to crumble
i cry myself to sleep, gasping in pain and doubled over, screaming silently and ripping at the bed...that is pain
but sitting here pretending to be alright, knowing if i feel any of the pain its going to manifest in a much worse way...do i think i am going to be ok or is my mind tricking me so that I don't lose it
what if duty is keeping me from completely rotting away
what if propriety, protocol, and the people who tell me its going to be ok are right for no other reason that i can't let myself feel this emotion that will change me
if i let myself feel any of this pain i'll be not just crying myself to sleep, screaming silently and ripping at the sheets, gasping for breath and writhing in pain as my body clenches so hard my teeth grind... its going to be that all the time, and im going to be a literal wreck
what if the people are saving me from just exploding by their assumptions that im going to be ok - its happened my entire life - their expectations and telling me not to feel it and not to cry...what if its all im ever going to do - just sublimate...
why is it wrong for me to experience this kind of pain for real...
you can actually do more than you think you can - your mind tells you no you cant
so what about pain
how much pain can you stand before you crumble
i mean there are different ways to crumble
i cry myself to sleep, gasping in pain and doubled over, screaming silently and ripping at the bed...that is pain
but sitting here pretending to be alright, knowing if i feel any of the pain its going to manifest in a much worse way...do i think i am going to be ok or is my mind tricking me so that I don't lose it
what if duty is keeping me from completely rotting away
what if propriety, protocol, and the people who tell me its going to be ok are right for no other reason that i can't let myself feel this emotion that will change me
if i let myself feel any of this pain i'll be not just crying myself to sleep, screaming silently and ripping at the sheets, gasping for breath and writhing in pain as my body clenches so hard my teeth grind... its going to be that all the time, and im going to be a literal wreck
what if the people are saving me from just exploding by their assumptions that im going to be ok - its happened my entire life - their expectations and telling me not to feel it and not to cry...what if its all im ever going to do - just sublimate...
why is it wrong for me to experience this kind of pain for real...