Travelogue for Ami Visit! -- In Character Voices
In Which Arthur Kirkland is forced along on a journey of extreme bitterness and Ludwig is forced to take pictures of it
as written by Arthur Alfre-- MATTH-- Ludwig Beilschmidt
OH GET OFF IT GERMANY GIVE ME THE DAMN--thank you Ludwig.
For some reason I cannot possibly fathom, I found myself agreeing to the most miserable trip that could have possibly been arranged
It was a great trip what are you talking abo
GET OFF ALFRED
As I was saying, it was utterly thoughtless. Somehow Francis managed to convince me it was a good idea to take yet another road trip with Alfred as some sort of bizarre French idea of "bonding time" to "get over our differences" and "embrace a life of love"* (I told him to shove it in very creative places) and I found myself traveling up to Massachusetts in the passenger side of Alfred's car fearing for my life on a visit to Matthew, whom for some godawful reason decided to get some schooling in the middle of Masssachusetts.
IT IS LEICESTER, not this bollocks 'lester', it says so RIGHT ON THE BLOODY SIGN.
Anyway.
We arrived without too much incident and with too much traffic, because Americans don't know how to drive in the rain. Honestly how hard can it be.
--How appropriate for England to say that
MATTHEW YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO INTERRUPT
ANYWAY
We arrived late, which could not be helped, so there was some mention of candlepin bowling after some strange game with zombies. I could not be less surprised that America could think of a game with such confusing, inane rules about trying to not die during the zombie apocoly
ARTHUR YOU JUST SHOOT THEM
ALFRED GET OFF
apocoplypse. We met a few of Matthew's acquiantences and then continued on to meet his roommate, and then to bed at a shockingly reasonable hour. The next morning the truth of the enterprise came to horrendous light.
I woke up first, as only makes sense, kicking the layabouts out of bed and the MOMENT MY BACK WAS TURNED NONE OTHER DID I TURN AROUND AND SEE A BLUE COAT STANDING WHERE ALFRED HAD BEEN NOT A MOMENT BEFORE.
I was struck dumb with horror when Matthew joined Alfred in the ridiculous clothing in proper Red Coat attire.
Well we couldn't tell you what we were doing, you wouldn't come!
THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT ALFRED**
It was utterly horrible. Even worse, they had somehow arranged with Ludwig some strange ritual with a camera to go tromping around on old battlegrounds and take pictures of it. What was this, it was utterly ridiculous. I couldn't even believe it, and was refusing to go along with this madcap plan of utter--god I'm out of adjectives for how infuriated I was at the underhanded manner in which
Arthur, please calm yourself down.
Ludwig give me back thejhalkjhdlksdhfaskhfasf
You didn't seem that mad this morning!
Alfred, please allow me to continue.
Oh fine Luddi.
....
In a rather timely manner, the four (?) of us got underway on this project of Alfred's. It came to no surprise that breakfast cum lunch, which I am told is referred to as brunch in the United States of America, was a stop at McDonalds off of the motorway. Those clothed in costume were recognized as reenactors on our way in, and on our way out we heard the startled, if delighted, cries of some young ladies who recognized them as Hetalia.
Whatever that is.
Its some show about countries.
Whatever you say. Anyway, we continued on our way without much incident under skies much clearer than those of before on to Lexington, where the first battle of the War of American Independence is said to have been fought. We parked ourselves at the Minute Man Historic National Park, where many of the first British to die were felled by the sudden rally of American soldiers. The landscape was appropriate for our needs, and scattered with signs of where men had died, houses had stood, and battles were fought.
It was a successful shoot, in lovely setting.
Although, it seemed that we could not escape the attentions of fellow tourists. As we were returning from a field deep in the woods, a large bright orange tourist bus passed by. My fellows could not resist giving a wave. Much to my surprise, the tourist bus honked in turn and the entirety of its passengers waved back.
Of course they did, they love me!
You?!
They're my people! Why would they wave to a Red Coat??
Because I was waving more enthusiastically?
Alfred, if you recall, plenty of your people were Loyalists!
.........
...In-fighting aside, it was rather interesting. We continued on up the path,but we ran afoul of more tourists who reque
There was nothing foul about it, they were cute!
It's a turn of American phrase, Alfred.
But it means something bad!
Regardless, it was a mother and father with their daughter, who wished to take a photograph with the two dressed up as historic figures.
I gave the girl my hat :)
Yes Alfred, I know.
We continued on back to the car, and by that point found ourselves rather parched. We decided it would be best (for us, and Arthur's state of mind) to get some refreshment at a nearby town center. It was a rather pleasant time, although Arthur was rather annoyed with some young "hooligans", as he termed them, calling out "Kill the Red Coats!" as they walked by. It likely didn't help that Alfred was cheering them on.
NO IT DIDN'T HELP AT ALL
Er, Arthur, I'd rather not have to explain to your PM why you're passed out again.
As we wandered onwards, we ran into a legitimate reenactor, who had the vocation of telling passer-by the history of his town. Of course, Alfred and Matthew caught his attention, and we had no choice but to pass some time with him.
But that was totally our choice, that was awesome!
He was a pretty cool guy, until he tried to punch me!
That's because you were a LOYALIST.
But he didn't need to punch me. : (
It seemed pretty reasonable to me!
No, he didn't need to punch you.
Ha. Ha. HA.
Yes, he was rather well informed, I must admit. He also first asked if the two of them were going to an Japanese Animation and Comics Convention, and then realized that they were cosplaying from this Hetalia thing again. I still don't understand it.
Its a COUNTRY THING.
He was very pleased to chat with us, and the two of them insisted on taking a photograph with the man. Afterwards, we continued on to Concord, MA for dinner.
Ludwig, it was in the most confusing household I have ever been forced to navigate.
It was colonial. It was based off British design.
BASTARDIZED by modern American's into a confusing mess of hallways!
That's the same building that was built in the 1700's.
I'm old enough to think of that as modern, now let me finish!
Are you sure Arthu--
But I'm saying it was British people who originally built it!
Clearly there's something wrong with American water.
You just don't want to admit that you fucked up!
He never does ; )
Oh god not France too! Since when was France chiming in on this.
He's been here the whole time.
OH HO HO HO HO HO : D
Oh god.
Anyway, I shall continue for you, Arthur. Once we navigated our way to the proper hostess, we were well seated to a satisfactory dinner.
Chicken Pot PIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie
Yes, we know, Alfred.
We also met a conspiracy theorist. From the South.
...yes.
At least your food was bearable, Alfred.
Better than yours!
My food is perfectly servicable! You were going on about how your buildings were built by the British, you might as well admit to the fact that the BRITISH also founded your cooking culture!
But so did the French, and the Italians, and the Germans, and the Russians, and the Spanish, and
Yes we get the POINT, Alfred, you can stop going on and on about
Not to mention all the stuff that was native to America, like corn, and some grains, and
Alfred we get the point now let me continue about the decent dinner you found for us and how we went to this silly candlepin bowling thing!
I kicked your ass.
Once.
And I let you.
I got the highest score of the night!
Yes you did. And I won one of the games as well. So we all won a game so Alfred can get off it.
You only won by one pin! I won by 20 something!
Yes, yes, we all know Alfred. It was very nice.
For the uninitiated, candle pin bowling is much like the usual kind, only the bowling pins are shaped like tall, wide candles, the bowling balls fit in the palm of your hand, and they do not clear the pins between attempts. The scoring works much the same in all other respects.
And it was neon. It was ridiculous.
Someone drew Tony!
Must you bring up that ridiculous beast.
Tony's awesome!
So I allowed the boys their moments of fame during this entire event, and then we returned home and they REFUSED TO ALLOW ME TO TYPE UP A RECORD OF THESE EVENTS.
But we just finished it!
Only after wrestling the laptop back from the both of you, and requiring Ludwig's intervention to finish!
That's because YOU couldn't HANDRE IT.
Why don't YOU try having your worst nightmares brought back to life on the very spot they--
You started it!
laksdfjahdAKJHSKJDHGKSJG
:::LSDJKhashdbca
ERROR
ERROR
ERR--
I believe I shall bring this record to an end. With luck, tomorrow shall proceed uneventfully, and all shall return home in one piece. Photographs shall be made available as soon as they are postable.
They are SO BAMF.
*I am glad you took my advice
**You've done well my son
Disclaimer:
Most of this more-or-less actually happened
as written by Arthur Alfre-- MATTH-- Ludwig Beilschmidt
OH GET OFF IT GERMANY GIVE ME THE DAMN--thank you Ludwig.
For some reason I cannot possibly fathom, I found myself agreeing to the most miserable trip that could have possibly been arranged
It was a great trip what are you talking abo
GET OFF ALFRED
As I was saying, it was utterly thoughtless. Somehow Francis managed to convince me it was a good idea to take yet another road trip with Alfred as some sort of bizarre French idea of "bonding time" to "get over our differences" and "embrace a life of love"* (I told him to shove it in very creative places) and I found myself traveling up to Massachusetts in the passenger side of Alfred's car fearing for my life on a visit to Matthew, whom for some godawful reason decided to get some schooling in the middle of Masssachusetts.
IT IS LEICESTER, not this bollocks 'lester', it says so RIGHT ON THE BLOODY SIGN.
Anyway.
We arrived without too much incident and with too much traffic, because Americans don't know how to drive in the rain. Honestly how hard can it be.
--How appropriate for England to say that
MATTHEW YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO INTERRUPT
ANYWAY
We arrived late, which could not be helped, so there was some mention of candlepin bowling after some strange game with zombies. I could not be less surprised that America could think of a game with such confusing, inane rules about trying to not die during the zombie apocoly
ARTHUR YOU JUST SHOOT THEM
ALFRED GET OFF
apocoplypse. We met a few of Matthew's acquiantences and then continued on to meet his roommate, and then to bed at a shockingly reasonable hour. The next morning the truth of the enterprise came to horrendous light.
I woke up first, as only makes sense, kicking the layabouts out of bed and the MOMENT MY BACK WAS TURNED NONE OTHER DID I TURN AROUND AND SEE A BLUE COAT STANDING WHERE ALFRED HAD BEEN NOT A MOMENT BEFORE.
I was struck dumb with horror when Matthew joined Alfred in the ridiculous clothing in proper Red Coat attire.
Well we couldn't tell you what we were doing, you wouldn't come!
THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT ALFRED**
It was utterly horrible. Even worse, they had somehow arranged with Ludwig some strange ritual with a camera to go tromping around on old battlegrounds and take pictures of it. What was this, it was utterly ridiculous. I couldn't even believe it, and was refusing to go along with this madcap plan of utter--god I'm out of adjectives for how infuriated I was at the underhanded manner in which
Arthur, please calm yourself down.
Ludwig give me back thejhalkjhdlksdhfaskhfasf
You didn't seem that mad this morning!
Alfred, please allow me to continue.
Oh fine Luddi.
....
In a rather timely manner, the four (?) of us got underway on this project of Alfred's. It came to no surprise that breakfast cum lunch, which I am told is referred to as brunch in the United States of America, was a stop at McDonalds off of the motorway. Those clothed in costume were recognized as reenactors on our way in, and on our way out we heard the startled, if delighted, cries of some young ladies who recognized them as Hetalia.
Whatever that is.
Its some show about countries.
Whatever you say. Anyway, we continued on our way without much incident under skies much clearer than those of before on to Lexington, where the first battle of the War of American Independence is said to have been fought. We parked ourselves at the Minute Man Historic National Park, where many of the first British to die were felled by the sudden rally of American soldiers. The landscape was appropriate for our needs, and scattered with signs of where men had died, houses had stood, and battles were fought.
It was a successful shoot, in lovely setting.
Although, it seemed that we could not escape the attentions of fellow tourists. As we were returning from a field deep in the woods, a large bright orange tourist bus passed by. My fellows could not resist giving a wave. Much to my surprise, the tourist bus honked in turn and the entirety of its passengers waved back.
Of course they did, they love me!
You?!
They're my people! Why would they wave to a Red Coat??
Because I was waving more enthusiastically?
Alfred, if you recall, plenty of your people were Loyalists!
.........
...In-fighting aside, it was rather interesting. We continued on up the path,but we ran afoul of more tourists who reque
There was nothing foul about it, they were cute!
It's a turn of American phrase, Alfred.
But it means something bad!
Regardless, it was a mother and father with their daughter, who wished to take a photograph with the two dressed up as historic figures.
I gave the girl my hat :)
Yes Alfred, I know.
We continued on back to the car, and by that point found ourselves rather parched. We decided it would be best (for us, and Arthur's state of mind) to get some refreshment at a nearby town center. It was a rather pleasant time, although Arthur was rather annoyed with some young "hooligans", as he termed them, calling out "Kill the Red Coats!" as they walked by. It likely didn't help that Alfred was cheering them on.
NO IT DIDN'T HELP AT ALL
Er, Arthur, I'd rather not have to explain to your PM why you're passed out again.
As we wandered onwards, we ran into a legitimate reenactor, who had the vocation of telling passer-by the history of his town. Of course, Alfred and Matthew caught his attention, and we had no choice but to pass some time with him.
But that was totally our choice, that was awesome!
He was a pretty cool guy, until he tried to punch me!
That's because you were a LOYALIST.
But he didn't need to punch me. : (
It seemed pretty reasonable to me!
No, he didn't need to punch you.
Ha. Ha. HA.
Yes, he was rather well informed, I must admit. He also first asked if the two of them were going to an Japanese Animation and Comics Convention, and then realized that they were cosplaying from this Hetalia thing again. I still don't understand it.
Its a COUNTRY THING.
He was very pleased to chat with us, and the two of them insisted on taking a photograph with the man. Afterwards, we continued on to Concord, MA for dinner.
Ludwig, it was in the most confusing household I have ever been forced to navigate.
It was colonial. It was based off British design.
BASTARDIZED by modern American's into a confusing mess of hallways!
That's the same building that was built in the 1700's.
I'm old enough to think of that as modern, now let me finish!
Are you sure Arthu--
But I'm saying it was British people who originally built it!
Clearly there's something wrong with American water.
You just don't want to admit that you fucked up!
He never does ; )
Oh god not France too! Since when was France chiming in on this.
He's been here the whole time.
OH HO HO HO HO HO : D
Oh god.
Anyway, I shall continue for you, Arthur. Once we navigated our way to the proper hostess, we were well seated to a satisfactory dinner.
Chicken Pot PIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie
Yes, we know, Alfred.
We also met a conspiracy theorist. From the South.
...yes.
At least your food was bearable, Alfred.
Better than yours!
My food is perfectly servicable! You were going on about how your buildings were built by the British, you might as well admit to the fact that the BRITISH also founded your cooking culture!
But so did the French, and the Italians, and the Germans, and the Russians, and the Spanish, and
Yes we get the POINT, Alfred, you can stop going on and on about
Not to mention all the stuff that was native to America, like corn, and some grains, and
Alfred we get the point now let me continue about the decent dinner you found for us and how we went to this silly candlepin bowling thing!
I kicked your ass.
Once.
And I let you.
I got the highest score of the night!
Yes you did. And I won one of the games as well. So we all won a game so Alfred can get off it.
You only won by one pin! I won by 20 something!
Yes, yes, we all know Alfred. It was very nice.
For the uninitiated, candle pin bowling is much like the usual kind, only the bowling pins are shaped like tall, wide candles, the bowling balls fit in the palm of your hand, and they do not clear the pins between attempts. The scoring works much the same in all other respects.
And it was neon. It was ridiculous.
Someone drew Tony!
Must you bring up that ridiculous beast.
Tony's awesome!
So I allowed the boys their moments of fame during this entire event, and then we returned home and they REFUSED TO ALLOW ME TO TYPE UP A RECORD OF THESE EVENTS.
But we just finished it!
Only after wrestling the laptop back from the both of you, and requiring Ludwig's intervention to finish!
That's because YOU couldn't HANDRE IT.
Why don't YOU try having your worst nightmares brought back to life on the very spot they--
You started it!
laksdfjahdAKJHSKJDHGKSJG
:::LSDJKhashdbca
ERROR
ERROR
ERR--
I believe I shall bring this record to an end. With luck, tomorrow shall proceed uneventfully, and all shall return home in one piece. Photographs shall be made available as soon as they are postable.
They are SO BAMF.
*I am glad you took my advice
**You've done well my son
Disclaimer:
Most of this more-or-less actually happened