(no subject)
i can't sleep and it's driving me insane. i don't know what's wrong with me, but my thoughts have really taken over when i tried so hard to keep them away earlier. someone asked me if it was paige i was bothered over. are you kidding me? she is so easily rid of in my head. it was kind of funny because she texted me to ask if i'm over her. who the fuck asks that question for no reason but because you're "just wondering"? i think i'm in that annoyed she exists stage of getting over it. just talking to her gets on my nerves. yeah.
my jealousy over maryum is getting worse. it's literally eating me alive. even gay men think she's hot. what the fuck is that? langdon says she's a novelty...she only likes what she can't have, like everyone else in this world i guess. and every girl that wants her is just a glutton for punishment because it'll never be mutual. she's the motorcycle, i'm the side car.
i think there's a dull ache in me right now. i keep going back and reading things that just kind of feed into it, really. and it's just like...how could i have done that? how did i fuck it up that badly? and why did i feel the need to use someone because i was in pain...i mean, really. am i that kind of person? why couldn't i have seen then what i see now? it hurts. that's really all i can think of. being there...listening. it all hurts. trying to fill that void, it's not working.
i wish i weren't so easily attainable.
my jealousy over maryum is getting worse. it's literally eating me alive. even gay men think she's hot. what the fuck is that? langdon says she's a novelty...she only likes what she can't have, like everyone else in this world i guess. and every girl that wants her is just a glutton for punishment because it'll never be mutual. she's the motorcycle, i'm the side car.
i think there's a dull ache in me right now. i keep going back and reading things that just kind of feed into it, really. and it's just like...how could i have done that? how did i fuck it up that badly? and why did i feel the need to use someone because i was in pain...i mean, really. am i that kind of person? why couldn't i have seen then what i see now? it hurts. that's really all i can think of. being there...listening. it all hurts. trying to fill that void, it's not working.
i wish i weren't so easily attainable.