(no subject)
i got up at 7am....its dark at 7am, i had a shower and put on my clothes stuck my music in my ears and walked to the end of my road, it was snowing, the kind of snow, that melts as it falls and just melts when it hits the ground, i just had to cross the road, i saw steves gwagon pulling up to great me as i walked in the perpetual night time that is morning time in winter, as the wind lashed my face and the cold ice water fell soaking my hair and hoody through, got in steves car and half listened to the guys half listening to music, speeding through the streets where i grew up lit by street lamps in the dismal grey light of winter mornings, the rain pelting the car heavier now as we drive faster and pull into streets unknown to me, out of the area where i caused agro as a kid, the streets of poplar less than 10 minutes away but a completly different land, unknown to me the people who live there and the hardcore cats that run things unrelenting to an unknown face. work was hard i moved over 300 boxes through the warehouse, always with earphones in pounding music into my brain, my hands are sore and my knuckles still not healed ache as i pick up box after box getting heavier, clocking off work walking out the glass doors noticing once again its dark, dark at 5pm darker than the morning and colder too, the ice cold winds and drizzle now a burning icey gust stinging my skin and numbing my face, the rain is heavier and is just adding to the subzero tempreatures, i got out the car earlier than usual i took a walk in the freezing night air, i listened to prodegy as i walked their club tracks make me think about stuff thats been going on latly, i become more cotemplative as i walk down vivian, the rain now cutting out and the sky starts to spit ice cold water down hitting my face. i baw my head and the rain hits the back of my head and roles to the front of my face it, feels like what it would be to cry, and i cant remember what it feels like to cry, hardcore stuff happens, and i get overwhelmed but i sit and stare and focus and it hurts but stilli cant bring myself to cry, i focus and for a second everything comes crashing down, i cant ever bring myself to use any of my problems as excuses for anything...the rain drips off of my nose as i walk, not far till home now, till its warm till i have something anything to catch my attention, i think about every problem iv ever had, and the 9 times out of 10 its been solved and it has be solved by using my fists, as i focus and begin to let my eyes water, so;s i can let it all out i clentch my fist and punch something anything and remember that i dont cry...cryings for pussys. i look up and the rain hits my eyes and runs off my forehead i look at what is now a fully dark sky, its night time in perpetual night time, its cold, brutal and unrelenting and it reminds me of me.