wanna pin-point something else the matter with me? I love this game!
You know, I really wish there was a High School Musical broadway soundtrack. It was better. Waaaaaay better. That was one of the best experiences I've had while watching a show, which surprised even me. I mean, I love HSM, but I thought it would be....ok. But wow, those kids were so talented. I got a shirt becuase I rock.
So for the past year or so, almost every day at school I've been having these weird attack things. I'd get exceptionally hot and shakey and feel like I'm jumping out of my skin and the minutes would just dragg by. It happens now literally every day during film and math. I was listening to my mom last night explain her friend's panic attacks, and they sounded exactly like what happens to me. Now, it has never occured to me that these could be panic attacks, I just thought it was this odd thing that was rather inconvenient. So now aparently there's something the matter with me, giving me these awful feelings of anxiety every day.
The only two things these classes have in common are a. I have zero people to talk to in both and I hate feeling alienated and b. afterwards, I see Dustin. My mom seems to think it's the latter that is the cause, but I disagree. They go AWAY when I see Dustin. Though that would explain a lot, it does happen a lot when he and I are in a thing. Either Dustin makes me ill or he makes me better. Last year I it happened in film, too, but I also didn't have anyone to talk to in that class. Of course, I saw Dustin after that class, too. Complicated....
Other than that weird bump in el road du life, things have been.... great, actually. Panera is fun, even though I don't understand a word half of my coworkers say because they only speak spanish and I don't really get along with most people my own age and it seems like the uniform was designed speciffically to make me look like a giant blob. But the pay is good and the day goes by super quickly and I get to wear my converse, which means it automatically kicks Claire's ass. I like my reasoning, it rocks. But it's kind of hit me how socially awkward I am. It's so weird becuase everyone at Claire's loved me. Whatevs. Continuing on why I enjoy life.... He's acting like a decent human being again, and that NEVER happens. He hasn't lied to me in over a week, which, for him, is making enormous strides. We really seem to be getting along a lot better, seeing as we can go an entire day without wanting to kill eachother. I'm excited. I'm very very happy with right now. It really feels like it did before all of this happened. And I really shouldn't be this excited about it, but I am. He's gone from making me feel like the most insignificant thing on earth to being..well.... my best friend again. And I desperatly missed that. High School Musical was amazing, as I explained earlier. I love watching kids plays, especially one on this big of a level, if that makes any sense. It was so well done, and the audience really seemed to love it. I loved it. Amanda and Robert have made me feel so much better about myself lately. They're two of the best people on earth, I must say. I like hanging around with them. I really don't know how to explain it without sounding so corny, but I really needed them and they were there for me, which is far more than I could say for anyone else. Like.... it was at a time when I really felt like everone I remotley cared about was "not siding" (in other words, telling Dustin I was crazy and to forget me). It was really frustrating, feeling like no one wanted me around and having this weird realization that most of the people I hung out with only were around me because I hung around with Dustin. So I got closer to the two of them, and they realy helped pull me out of this awful place that I didn't actually bother to tell anyone about but I assumed everyone could tell. It's nice having people I can be around and be happy again. See? Corny. Lame. I am so lame. I mean, even as I'm typing this I'm listening to High School Musical.
knock on wood this whole entry doesn 't sent my life into a shit spiral.