(no subject)
So, I've tried writing two entries since being here, but I think ended up either deleting or privatizing both of them. Eh? I was really moody for awhile. So, my entries were generally written when I was really stressed out or upset or whatever. And I didn't want to publicly bitch and whine so much, so I made them private. Anyway, here are the decent parts of them:
"I finished my first week of work...although it seemed like it was a lot longer than that. Work's definitely going to keep me very busy. I'll be reading articles, scheduling, running studies, coding, presenting, discussing, and all sorts of other things. I'm sure it'll all be good experience, but at the beginning it's all just a little bit overwhelming. I'm working with two different postdocs on their research and they're both more than a little intimidating. As an example, the one went to Oxford undergrad, got her PhD at MIT, is doing her postdoc at Harvard, and was offered faculty positions at MIT and Berkeley, so she's going to be a professor at MIT in the fall. Craziness. I have to present on Thursday already, and I start running infants tomorrow."
(I actually did present...it went alright. The postdoc whose research I presented was really helpful and supportive and said it was great. And I am now able to run infants on my own...well, with the help of other interns at least. I'm doing all the counterbalancing, talking to parents, running the participants, training people to code, entering data into excel, teaching people to blind code, and everything. Since I just trained people to blind code it for me, we're just starting to get actual results...so it's cool to see whether our (ok...Rebecca's) hypotheses are being supported or not. I'm also helping other interns run theirs and code.)
"Ilyse and Brian have been really great. They cook and clean and put up with me well. Their meals are so nutritionally balanced and such...I'm not used to that at all. :oP I haven't worked out at all, but I've been walking to and from work a lot and eating better, so maybe it'll even out some and I'll actually lose weight? We'll see.
I've done a lot of shopping with Ilyse. I keep spending more money, but I have gotten some really cute clothes. Eh?"
"I've realized that my weekends are almost all planned out with either visitors or trips or something...which is good, because it's not like I really have big and exciting plans at all otherwise. There are 12 other interns at the lab, and they're all really nice-but most of them are living with boyfriends or friends from school or whatever, so I don't think we'll be hanging out outside of work much. This weekend I hung out with Ilyse and Brian-watched a movie Friday night, ran errands and went out to eat last night, and then met up with Brian's cousin (who was very drunk and amusing) briefly. I've been really productive today organizing all my things for work and checking off other random to-do list items. I know I'm a freak with my organizational crap, but if I'm not then my stress level increases by a gazillion."
"I've been really moody and overwhelmed and stressed about many things this week, but my BBCB and IOEA and random other friends have kept me sane and reminded me that I'm loved. Thanks for that. I love you guys!"
Here were some of the ponderings I had...a little more negative, but relevant:
"Seems like everyone around my age is either engaged or practically married or something or out partying every night and going crazy. I am on neither end of this spectrum. I actually feel like I'm practically the opposite of both in some weird way. I know most of this is under my control and I could potentially change it if i really wanted, but I don't think it's that simple. I don't know."
"I always knew divorce was common, but sometimes it still surprises me. I hate hearing about couples who seem like they're perfect for each other and extremely happy separating. And I hate that no one ever deserves to go through something like that...and that circumstances are never right for it but sometimes they're worse than should be allowed. I know...life's not fair. I guess it just leaves me even more afraid of it all. Even if I do ever find someone, what are the chances of it lasting forever? Is there forever?"
"What do I want to do with my life? Do I want to go to grad school? Am I cut out for it? Can I pass the GRE? Can I get into grad school? Can I make it once I'm there? If I don't want this, what do I want?"
"I care too much. I hate seeing my friends miserable, or even slightly upset. I know everyone can't be content all the time and I can't solve all the world's problems, but I wish I could do more. Do something..."
So, I pretty much posted both of those entries completely again, but at least the context isn't all as negative. Maybe? I think it's just making this a really long entry. Oh well.
This weekend Ilyse and Brian were both out of town, so I was on my own. It was kinda cool though. Friday night I took my time walking home from work. I wandered around Harvard Square and stopped in some shops and bookstores and such. On Saturday I took the T downtown and wandered all over. I started in Downtown Crossing, went to Quincy Market, and then back to Park Street and Boston Common. I saw a high school choir group from Michigan performing, random street performers doing acrobatics or playing music, and people playing frisbee, soccer, and croquet or something. I went to a movie by myself for the first time-saw Madagascar, which I'd been wanting to see. It was amusing-and it was all like parents and their kids in their, so cute. I finished my current book for my little club thingy with Stephie and Mindy while sitting out on Boston Common. I wandered around Borders for awhile, as well as other random stores in the area. When I got back to the Central Square area, I rented a couple movies at Blockbuster and picked up a couple things at the grocery store for dinner. I studied GRE stuff while watching movies last night. I've been getting tired super early though, so I was ready to crash before 11. I also talked to a few people on the phone and caught up, which was nice. Today I tried to sleep in, but once again had trouble. I finished reading an article for work, walked to MIT and walked around a bit, stopped to get an iced mocha and brainstorm for work, and then walked back. I was going to stop at a store and the library near here, but both were closed since it was Sunday. I was kinda excited when a woman with a Boston tourist kinda book asked me where something was and I was actually able to tell her. :oP I feel like I know my way around well enough to show my visitors around (first ones, Nicole and Christina, coming next weekend-yay!).
I found where all my music was on my computer and started listening to it all again today...I hadn't listened to my playlist in awhile. And no one's home, so I've been singing along and whanot-it puts me in a better mood. And I was looking at grad school stuff online today too. Ahh. I have no idea what I'm doing. Oy. I still need to decide if this is what I want to do. I know that this program will help me decide that. It's just a scary thought to decide your future, ya know?
Sorry. This is an extremely long entry. I don't even know where I'm going with all of this. I blame the coffee.
Random thoughts-I'll be 21 in less than a month. Very odd.
It's Father's Day and my dad and his children are in 4 different states right now. Shay's at camp in WI, Ilyse is in Vegas for a wedding shower, and I'm in MA. And my mom's birthday is tomorrow too. At least we sent cards?
Shay got an 800 on her SAT II Math and a 790 on her SAT Math. I told her I wanted her to take the GRE for me. :oP
K. I'll stop rambling now. I guess this entry makes up for my not updating in awhile...times 2million. Hope everyone else's summers are going well. I've sucked at keeping in touch with people if they haven't e-mailed or IMd me. Sorry. :o( I still miss you all!!
"I finished my first week of work...although it seemed like it was a lot longer than that. Work's definitely going to keep me very busy. I'll be reading articles, scheduling, running studies, coding, presenting, discussing, and all sorts of other things. I'm sure it'll all be good experience, but at the beginning it's all just a little bit overwhelming. I'm working with two different postdocs on their research and they're both more than a little intimidating. As an example, the one went to Oxford undergrad, got her PhD at MIT, is doing her postdoc at Harvard, and was offered faculty positions at MIT and Berkeley, so she's going to be a professor at MIT in the fall. Craziness. I have to present on Thursday already, and I start running infants tomorrow."
(I actually did present...it went alright. The postdoc whose research I presented was really helpful and supportive and said it was great. And I am now able to run infants on my own...well, with the help of other interns at least. I'm doing all the counterbalancing, talking to parents, running the participants, training people to code, entering data into excel, teaching people to blind code, and everything. Since I just trained people to blind code it for me, we're just starting to get actual results...so it's cool to see whether our (ok...Rebecca's) hypotheses are being supported or not. I'm also helping other interns run theirs and code.)
"Ilyse and Brian have been really great. They cook and clean and put up with me well. Their meals are so nutritionally balanced and such...I'm not used to that at all. :oP I haven't worked out at all, but I've been walking to and from work a lot and eating better, so maybe it'll even out some and I'll actually lose weight? We'll see.
I've done a lot of shopping with Ilyse. I keep spending more money, but I have gotten some really cute clothes. Eh?"
"I've realized that my weekends are almost all planned out with either visitors or trips or something...which is good, because it's not like I really have big and exciting plans at all otherwise. There are 12 other interns at the lab, and they're all really nice-but most of them are living with boyfriends or friends from school or whatever, so I don't think we'll be hanging out outside of work much. This weekend I hung out with Ilyse and Brian-watched a movie Friday night, ran errands and went out to eat last night, and then met up with Brian's cousin (who was very drunk and amusing) briefly. I've been really productive today organizing all my things for work and checking off other random to-do list items. I know I'm a freak with my organizational crap, but if I'm not then my stress level increases by a gazillion."
"I've been really moody and overwhelmed and stressed about many things this week, but my BBCB and IOEA and random other friends have kept me sane and reminded me that I'm loved. Thanks for that. I love you guys!"
Here were some of the ponderings I had...a little more negative, but relevant:
"Seems like everyone around my age is either engaged or practically married or something or out partying every night and going crazy. I am on neither end of this spectrum. I actually feel like I'm practically the opposite of both in some weird way. I know most of this is under my control and I could potentially change it if i really wanted, but I don't think it's that simple. I don't know."
"I always knew divorce was common, but sometimes it still surprises me. I hate hearing about couples who seem like they're perfect for each other and extremely happy separating. And I hate that no one ever deserves to go through something like that...and that circumstances are never right for it but sometimes they're worse than should be allowed. I know...life's not fair. I guess it just leaves me even more afraid of it all. Even if I do ever find someone, what are the chances of it lasting forever? Is there forever?"
"What do I want to do with my life? Do I want to go to grad school? Am I cut out for it? Can I pass the GRE? Can I get into grad school? Can I make it once I'm there? If I don't want this, what do I want?"
"I care too much. I hate seeing my friends miserable, or even slightly upset. I know everyone can't be content all the time and I can't solve all the world's problems, but I wish I could do more. Do something..."
So, I pretty much posted both of those entries completely again, but at least the context isn't all as negative. Maybe? I think it's just making this a really long entry. Oh well.
This weekend Ilyse and Brian were both out of town, so I was on my own. It was kinda cool though. Friday night I took my time walking home from work. I wandered around Harvard Square and stopped in some shops and bookstores and such. On Saturday I took the T downtown and wandered all over. I started in Downtown Crossing, went to Quincy Market, and then back to Park Street and Boston Common. I saw a high school choir group from Michigan performing, random street performers doing acrobatics or playing music, and people playing frisbee, soccer, and croquet or something. I went to a movie by myself for the first time-saw Madagascar, which I'd been wanting to see. It was amusing-and it was all like parents and their kids in their, so cute. I finished my current book for my little club thingy with Stephie and Mindy while sitting out on Boston Common. I wandered around Borders for awhile, as well as other random stores in the area. When I got back to the Central Square area, I rented a couple movies at Blockbuster and picked up a couple things at the grocery store for dinner. I studied GRE stuff while watching movies last night. I've been getting tired super early though, so I was ready to crash before 11. I also talked to a few people on the phone and caught up, which was nice. Today I tried to sleep in, but once again had trouble. I finished reading an article for work, walked to MIT and walked around a bit, stopped to get an iced mocha and brainstorm for work, and then walked back. I was going to stop at a store and the library near here, but both were closed since it was Sunday. I was kinda excited when a woman with a Boston tourist kinda book asked me where something was and I was actually able to tell her. :oP I feel like I know my way around well enough to show my visitors around (first ones, Nicole and Christina, coming next weekend-yay!).
I found where all my music was on my computer and started listening to it all again today...I hadn't listened to my playlist in awhile. And no one's home, so I've been singing along and whanot-it puts me in a better mood. And I was looking at grad school stuff online today too. Ahh. I have no idea what I'm doing. Oy. I still need to decide if this is what I want to do. I know that this program will help me decide that. It's just a scary thought to decide your future, ya know?
Sorry. This is an extremely long entry. I don't even know where I'm going with all of this. I blame the coffee.
Random thoughts-I'll be 21 in less than a month. Very odd.
It's Father's Day and my dad and his children are in 4 different states right now. Shay's at camp in WI, Ilyse is in Vegas for a wedding shower, and I'm in MA. And my mom's birthday is tomorrow too. At least we sent cards?
Shay got an 800 on her SAT II Math and a 790 on her SAT Math. I told her I wanted her to take the GRE for me. :oP
K. I'll stop rambling now. I guess this entry makes up for my not updating in awhile...times 2million. Hope everyone else's summers are going well. I've sucked at keeping in touch with people if they haven't e-mailed or IMd me. Sorry. :o( I still miss you all!!