The Days are Just Packed! Pt I of II
I'm back from England, in case anyone was becoming concerned. The truth is I've been frantically trying to get the whole trip down in my handwritten travel journal before my memories slip away permanently into the ether. Today it occurred to me that can be done anywhere (i.e., the hospital), whereas updating my LJ with full photographic illustrations can only be done here.
I had a really great time an awesome time an incredible time Words cannot describe what a good time I had. In the words of Calvin & Hobbes, the days were just packed! Every day we stumbled home exhausted and fell into our beds before getting up the next and starting all over again. This may have been a result of both of us fast approaching 40, but there's not much to be done about that.
I haven't figured out the best way to break this down, so bear with me. Behind the cuts are many, many photos, all resized and humorously captioned. Please have a look and not let my hard work be in vain.
~*~
Day Zero: Flying
First, I have to give a shout-out to British Airways. If you ever have the opportunity to fly with them, I can't recommend it highly enough. They gave us two complete 3-course meals, a dazzling array of free in-flight entertainment with a seat-back screen (choice of several current blockbusters, American or British TV channels, and even video solitaire. Coolest of all, a map screen showing exactly how far along we were on our journey, including time left to destination) in addition to the eye mask, socks and travel toothbrush. I somehow ended up alone in my row despite the plane appearing otherwise full, and when the attendants talked to me they'd bend their knees and murmur gently as if I was an 8-year-old flying alone for the first time.
I made it through Customs and to Jeff in no time at all, even though I was asked a lot more questions than my last trip pre-9/11. We headed home. Jeff lives in Acton, London, a fair-sized bustling suburb that's a bit dodgy, but mostly quiet and easy to get around.
Jeff on his street (okay, so this caption isn't my best work)
I didn't have the time or the energy to do anything else this day, so onto day one.
~*~
Day One: Tate Modern Museum, St. Paul's Cathedral
Unfortunately my trip began with two stops that don't allow photography inside, so this section may be short. We had brunch at the Tate first. Already missing my Iced Java caffeine high, I tried to get by with ordering iced coffee. Big mistake. Jeff laughed and laughed as I dumped in 6 packets of sugar to make it palatable. Bleah.
The Tate Modern fortunately was free to the public (except the Dali exhibit on one floor that we didn't want to pay for). I say fortunately because it was mostly made up of occasionally interesting, but mostly silly work that had Jeff and I speculating how many artists think "I wonder how much I can get those fools at the gallery to pay for THIS piece of wank?" as they painted the finishing stroke. The insultingly pretentious placards posted beside this tripe telling us how we were supposed to feel didn't help matters. I think out of the whole installation we only saw about 10-15 pieces between the two of us that truly captured our attention. As the line goes, "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like."
Right beside the Tate is Shakespeare's Globe Theatre.
As an English major, I was contractually obligated to take this picture
We'd have gone inside if it didn't cost money and didn't have a show in progress that we weren't allowed to interrupt. Poopie.
We then crossed the Thames on the "Wobbly Bridge" to St. Paul's Cathedral, of Mary Poppins fame. Again, no pictures allowed inside, but we did climb to the Golden Gallery at the top, a total of 434 steps up a winding staircase so narrow that the down staircase is at the opposite end of the building.
Windswept and loving it
The views over the city are magnificent. Unfortunately, it also permanently damaged our stair-climbing muscles so that using any subsequent stairs for the duration of my visit elicited deep groans of protest (and if not for the awesome power of the Bowflex, I might still be stuck halfway up the cathedral. Jeff was so close to being as bad off that he most likely would have left me there).
While I had hoped my trip would include a Harry Potter tour, it ended up inadvertently being a V for Vendetta tour.
One of the things you can see from the top is the Old Bailey from the film
Much later we also drove past Larkhill (which is actually just a small village near Stonehenge) but Jeff was too late pointing it out and I missed the chance to take a picture.
~*~
Day Two: Buckingham Palace, Parliament, Westminster Abbey
I couldn't get away with two visits to England without seeing the Palace, so off we went.
Jeff practices his Royal Wave
I practice my Vanna White skillz
Unfortunately we had just missed the last Changing of the Guard, and the next one wasn't until the following day. This crowd kept determinedly milling about anyway.
Jeff thinks they were waiting for the Queen to moon them out a window, which she's been known to do from time to time, he said
Thus began what became an increasingly disturbing phenomenon on my trip: It seemed everywhere we went, we had just missed something exciting (or sometimes not so exciting but still noticeable). Small examples soon added up to a big conspiracy that I didn't like one little bit. Jeff thought I was paranoid. I'll let you be the judge.
Anyway, onward. Nothing more to see here.
Parliament and Big Ben are located very conveniently right in front of the tube station, so this is the view you see immediately upon emerging on the street:
Wish I could take credit for this picture, but it's Jeff's doing. He's pretty proud of it, and rightly so
Look who walked by us just as casual as you please?
We interrupt our tour to bring you a brief tribute to Simon Pegg and Nick Frost:
Parliamentary Hot Fuzz
Danger: 50,000 Volts!
One of the things that grates Jeff's cheese is this gray, ultra-modern building behind Parliament that was built to house the MP's offices. It was supposed to blend with the older structure, but as you can see it fails pretty spectacularly in that regard.
I long to live in a country where inappropriate architecture is the most upsetting issue of the day
Next was Westminster Abbey, which didn't allow pictures (again) but there was a kid snapping away pretty boldly, so Jeff snuck some as well (he got caught though). The most interesting part of Westminster is Poet's Corner, where famous literary figures are either buried or have monuments. Isaac Newton and Chaucer are buried here, as well as Charles Dickens and Darwin, Rudyard Kipling and Laurence Olivier. The monuments range from Shakespeare, Lewis Carroll, Dylan Thomas and Oscar Wilde to the guy who discovered how to measure longitude (John "Longitude" Harrison. They had some bizarre nicknames back then).
We barely escaped with our lives for taking these photos
It surprised me that so many scientists are buried and honored in such a religious institution, but if anything I think that underscores the ridiculousness of today's animosity between the church and science. It peeved me that major figures like Dickens and Darwin got such a plain, barely noticeable stone while lords I'd never heard of had grand, elaborate statues and shrines. Guess money talked loudest then too.
We didn't care for the oppressive environment at Westminster, so after resting our feet at Newton's tomb, we decided to catch The Simpsons Movie before heading home. My ticket cost almost £12 (roughly $24!!!) but Jeff pointed out the theater was in the West End. I don't know if the movie was $24 worth of good.
~*~
Day Three: Brighton
Brighton is a lovely seaside town that's very similar to lovely seaside towns in New England. Not much to do but stroll around and shop by the seashore. We did have fabulous fresh fish & chips first, however.
In case there's any doubt, we're at the WORLD FAMOUS BRIGHTON PIER. I love Jeffy's daddy hat
This is the only place in England that sold the far superior Fanta Pineapple soda. But take note of the sign in the window. Who's paranoid now?
Homeless person. I like to capture the seedy underbelly of my vacation spots
Yes. I am juvenile enough that I took this picture simply because the sign reads "Devil's Dyke"
I know the British spell some words differently than us, but I suspect this wasn't intentional
This sign claims that they sell jewelry used in the new Harry Potter film!...
...but I guess I'll never know for sure
This crazy lady showed up in the park, pulled out a bag of seed and attracted a Hitchcockian amount of birds. Then announced she had no more and went on her way, leaving the swarm of fowl to attack young children
~*~
Day Four: Camden Market and Highgate Cemetery
When I visited Camden Market 12 years ago, it was a lively street market where you could buy bootleg VHS tapes and CDs by the hundreds. Now with the advent of the internet, all that's disappeared and it's an even larger street market where you can buy any item of punk clothing you can imagine. And antiques, London souvenirs, rave accessories and food of questionable health standards. Nestled among all those things though, we found a tiny shop with floor-to-ceiling gargoyles. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I agonized over my decision before spotting this ugly fellow:
I HAD to have him. Unfortunately he's a fairly good size (about 16 inches tall) and more unfortunately they didn't ship, so I had to haul him around in my pack the rest of the day (and onto the plane for my return home, so nervous about damage was I). Small price to pay. I luurrrrrve him.
From here we were off to Highgate cemetery. There are some famous people buried here, but even if there weren't it's a beautiful place and well worth a visit. First we visited the west side, which is far older and no longer accepting new residents.
Again, Jeff's fine camera work. This is an ancient tree that had a vault built around it, so it was stunted and actually should have grown much larger than it is
One of the only sleeping angels in London. Jeff and I agreed that if your angel is sleeping, you're probably fucked
Our guide wore a Ghostbusters T-shirt. Talk about gallows humor... I didn't crop this too much so you could see how lush and dense the surrounding woods are
Then the east side. Jeff asked where Douglas Adams' grave was, and Mr. Ghostbusters said there was no stone yet as the family and the fans couldn't agree what to put on it (his widow wanted simply the number 42, which would have been perfect). But the east side proprieters brought us right to it when we asked again.
Jeff really made the guide's day when he showed him the stone. I thought he needed to get out of the west cemetery more often
Also buried here is Karl Marx:
I thought it was funny that this devoted pilgrim was sweeping leaves off the tomb, but in retrospect I'm glad I included her so you could see the massive size of his cranium. It's got its own weather system!
Jeff's flying with Jesus!
This fox was as big as a cocker spaniel, limping and ornery-looking. I wouldn't dare get this close, I've got an awesome zoom on my camera
I took a picture of Ralph Richardson's grave but it seems to have mysteriously vanished off my camera. Who'd have thought such a famous actor would be camera-shy?
~*~
Day Five: Harrod's, Speaker's Corner, the Comedy Store
Harrod's is a great place to get classy London souvenirs, like Beefeater teddy bears. It also sells some unique things, none of which you'll see pictured here because I mainly videotaped and Tery now has the camera with her in Connecticut. Jeff plays a game on every trip to the store, find the most expensive item. On this day the winner was a 71" gold plasma TV (£50,000) and accompanying Surround Sound system (£25,000). Since we couldn't afford anything apart from my souvenirs, we instead spent our money at the Chocolate Bar, an in-store cafe that sells only chocolate dishes.
We indulged in some positively sinful white chocolate milkshakes. Mine was also strawberry and had fresh pulp at the bottom of the glass. Oh. My. God.
The Egyptian Escalator. Take note of the poor opera singer at the right who was largely ignored by the tourists
This is the site of a memorial to Princess Di and her lover, whose father apparently owns Harrod's
At my insistence Jeff took me back to Speaker's Corner, which impressed me a great deal on my last visit. Every Sunday, any loony with a crate to stand on can get up and preach to the crowd, no matter how insane or inflammatory their rhetoric may be. Think of that scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian, only less tongue-in-cheek. 12 years ago it was a mixed bag, but Jeff says now the challenge is to spot someone who ISN'T a religious nutjob.
This guy claimed to be an angel. I don't know what his stance was, I only heard him shouting down a heckler with the words, "Sir, are YOU an angel like me? How can you speak on God's behalf then?" I almost wish I'd stuck around a little longer
This guy held Jeff's interest for quite awhile. He argued that Christianity is actually polytheism (the Holy Trinity is three gods in one) and that there could be no getting along with other gods, because compromise indicates weakness. Therefore Allah must be the one true god (note bin Laden Sr. reading next to him)
This guy was a Southern Baptist with an African accent. He's in the process of insulting a group of Muslims, stating that "Jesus loves you but you're going to Hell anyway."
I forget what this guy was on about. I do remember Jeff asked him who were the wives of (i.e. had sex with) Adam and Eve's children (this made Jeff very popular among the Muslims in the audience). The guy answered smugly "The answer is in the Bible." He loses at life
Again I was impressed that the debates could become so heated and infuriating, yet still remain at a relatively civil, nonviolent level. But eventually all the anger and conflict became very wearying and we turned to leave. That's when we saw this group that had just turned up:
After collecting our free hugs, I got this stupid grin on my face that lasted the entire tube ride home. I felt like I was glowing. So simple to spread happiness, why is it so rare?
That night we went to the Comedy Store, where we saw an improv group made up largely of old favorites from Whose Line is it Anyway?
Paul Merton, Neil Mullarkey (Austin Powers), Jim Sweeney, Richard Vranch (!!!!! Tery and I have the biggest crush on him) and Andy Smart. Also, I didn't take this picture if that isn't obvious
Do I need to mention it was hilarious? It was. But then when we got home, we were relaxing in front of the telly when Jeff's wife and I noticed what had happened:
I broke Jeffy
That brings us almost exactly to the middle of my trip. I'll let you nosh on these for awhile. I'll finish later this weekend.
I had a really great time an awesome time an incredible time Words cannot describe what a good time I had. In the words of Calvin & Hobbes, the days were just packed! Every day we stumbled home exhausted and fell into our beds before getting up the next and starting all over again. This may have been a result of both of us fast approaching 40, but there's not much to be done about that.
I haven't figured out the best way to break this down, so bear with me. Behind the cuts are many, many photos, all resized and humorously captioned. Please have a look and not let my hard work be in vain.
~*~
Day Zero: Flying
First, I have to give a shout-out to British Airways. If you ever have the opportunity to fly with them, I can't recommend it highly enough. They gave us two complete 3-course meals, a dazzling array of free in-flight entertainment with a seat-back screen (choice of several current blockbusters, American or British TV channels, and even video solitaire. Coolest of all, a map screen showing exactly how far along we were on our journey, including time left to destination) in addition to the eye mask, socks and travel toothbrush. I somehow ended up alone in my row despite the plane appearing otherwise full, and when the attendants talked to me they'd bend their knees and murmur gently as if I was an 8-year-old flying alone for the first time.
I made it through Customs and to Jeff in no time at all, even though I was asked a lot more questions than my last trip pre-9/11. We headed home. Jeff lives in Acton, London, a fair-sized bustling suburb that's a bit dodgy, but mostly quiet and easy to get around.
Jeff on his street (okay, so this caption isn't my best work)
I didn't have the time or the energy to do anything else this day, so onto day one.
~*~
Day One: Tate Modern Museum, St. Paul's Cathedral
Unfortunately my trip began with two stops that don't allow photography inside, so this section may be short. We had brunch at the Tate first. Already missing my Iced Java caffeine high, I tried to get by with ordering iced coffee. Big mistake. Jeff laughed and laughed as I dumped in 6 packets of sugar to make it palatable. Bleah.
The Tate Modern fortunately was free to the public (except the Dali exhibit on one floor that we didn't want to pay for). I say fortunately because it was mostly made up of occasionally interesting, but mostly silly work that had Jeff and I speculating how many artists think "I wonder how much I can get those fools at the gallery to pay for THIS piece of wank?" as they painted the finishing stroke. The insultingly pretentious placards posted beside this tripe telling us how we were supposed to feel didn't help matters. I think out of the whole installation we only saw about 10-15 pieces between the two of us that truly captured our attention. As the line goes, "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like."
Right beside the Tate is Shakespeare's Globe Theatre.
As an English major, I was contractually obligated to take this picture
We'd have gone inside if it didn't cost money and didn't have a show in progress that we weren't allowed to interrupt. Poopie.
We then crossed the Thames on the "Wobbly Bridge" to St. Paul's Cathedral, of Mary Poppins fame. Again, no pictures allowed inside, but we did climb to the Golden Gallery at the top, a total of 434 steps up a winding staircase so narrow that the down staircase is at the opposite end of the building.
Windswept and loving it
The views over the city are magnificent. Unfortunately, it also permanently damaged our stair-climbing muscles so that using any subsequent stairs for the duration of my visit elicited deep groans of protest (and if not for the awesome power of the Bowflex, I might still be stuck halfway up the cathedral. Jeff was so close to being as bad off that he most likely would have left me there).
While I had hoped my trip would include a Harry Potter tour, it ended up inadvertently being a V for Vendetta tour.
One of the things you can see from the top is the Old Bailey from the film
Much later we also drove past Larkhill (which is actually just a small village near Stonehenge) but Jeff was too late pointing it out and I missed the chance to take a picture.
~*~
Day Two: Buckingham Palace, Parliament, Westminster Abbey
I couldn't get away with two visits to England without seeing the Palace, so off we went.
Jeff practices his Royal Wave
I practice my Vanna White skillz
Unfortunately we had just missed the last Changing of the Guard, and the next one wasn't until the following day. This crowd kept determinedly milling about anyway.
Jeff thinks they were waiting for the Queen to moon them out a window, which she's been known to do from time to time, he said
Thus began what became an increasingly disturbing phenomenon on my trip: It seemed everywhere we went, we had just missed something exciting (or sometimes not so exciting but still noticeable). Small examples soon added up to a big conspiracy that I didn't like one little bit. Jeff thought I was paranoid. I'll let you be the judge.
Anyway, onward. Nothing more to see here.
Parliament and Big Ben are located very conveniently right in front of the tube station, so this is the view you see immediately upon emerging on the street:
Wish I could take credit for this picture, but it's Jeff's doing. He's pretty proud of it, and rightly so
Look who walked by us just as casual as you please?
We interrupt our tour to bring you a brief tribute to Simon Pegg and Nick Frost:
Parliamentary Hot Fuzz
Danger: 50,000 Volts!
One of the things that grates Jeff's cheese is this gray, ultra-modern building behind Parliament that was built to house the MP's offices. It was supposed to blend with the older structure, but as you can see it fails pretty spectacularly in that regard.
I long to live in a country where inappropriate architecture is the most upsetting issue of the day
Next was Westminster Abbey, which didn't allow pictures (again) but there was a kid snapping away pretty boldly, so Jeff snuck some as well (he got caught though). The most interesting part of Westminster is Poet's Corner, where famous literary figures are either buried or have monuments. Isaac Newton and Chaucer are buried here, as well as Charles Dickens and Darwin, Rudyard Kipling and Laurence Olivier. The monuments range from Shakespeare, Lewis Carroll, Dylan Thomas and Oscar Wilde to the guy who discovered how to measure longitude (John "Longitude" Harrison. They had some bizarre nicknames back then).
We barely escaped with our lives for taking these photos
It surprised me that so many scientists are buried and honored in such a religious institution, but if anything I think that underscores the ridiculousness of today's animosity between the church and science. It peeved me that major figures like Dickens and Darwin got such a plain, barely noticeable stone while lords I'd never heard of had grand, elaborate statues and shrines. Guess money talked loudest then too.
We didn't care for the oppressive environment at Westminster, so after resting our feet at Newton's tomb, we decided to catch The Simpsons Movie before heading home. My ticket cost almost £12 (roughly $24!!!) but Jeff pointed out the theater was in the West End. I don't know if the movie was $24 worth of good.
~*~
Day Three: Brighton
Brighton is a lovely seaside town that's very similar to lovely seaside towns in New England. Not much to do but stroll around and shop by the seashore. We did have fabulous fresh fish & chips first, however.
In case there's any doubt, we're at the WORLD FAMOUS BRIGHTON PIER. I love Jeffy's daddy hat
This is the only place in England that sold the far superior Fanta Pineapple soda. But take note of the sign in the window. Who's paranoid now?
Homeless person. I like to capture the seedy underbelly of my vacation spots
Yes. I am juvenile enough that I took this picture simply because the sign reads "Devil's Dyke"
I know the British spell some words differently than us, but I suspect this wasn't intentional
This sign claims that they sell jewelry used in the new Harry Potter film!...
...but I guess I'll never know for sure
This crazy lady showed up in the park, pulled out a bag of seed and attracted a Hitchcockian amount of birds. Then announced she had no more and went on her way, leaving the swarm of fowl to attack young children
~*~
Day Four: Camden Market and Highgate Cemetery
When I visited Camden Market 12 years ago, it was a lively street market where you could buy bootleg VHS tapes and CDs by the hundreds. Now with the advent of the internet, all that's disappeared and it's an even larger street market where you can buy any item of punk clothing you can imagine. And antiques, London souvenirs, rave accessories and food of questionable health standards. Nestled among all those things though, we found a tiny shop with floor-to-ceiling gargoyles. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I agonized over my decision before spotting this ugly fellow:
I HAD to have him. Unfortunately he's a fairly good size (about 16 inches tall) and more unfortunately they didn't ship, so I had to haul him around in my pack the rest of the day (and onto the plane for my return home, so nervous about damage was I). Small price to pay. I luurrrrrve him.
From here we were off to Highgate cemetery. There are some famous people buried here, but even if there weren't it's a beautiful place and well worth a visit. First we visited the west side, which is far older and no longer accepting new residents.
Again, Jeff's fine camera work. This is an ancient tree that had a vault built around it, so it was stunted and actually should have grown much larger than it is
One of the only sleeping angels in London. Jeff and I agreed that if your angel is sleeping, you're probably fucked
Our guide wore a Ghostbusters T-shirt. Talk about gallows humor... I didn't crop this too much so you could see how lush and dense the surrounding woods are
Then the east side. Jeff asked where Douglas Adams' grave was, and Mr. Ghostbusters said there was no stone yet as the family and the fans couldn't agree what to put on it (his widow wanted simply the number 42, which would have been perfect). But the east side proprieters brought us right to it when we asked again.
Jeff really made the guide's day when he showed him the stone. I thought he needed to get out of the west cemetery more often
Also buried here is Karl Marx:
I thought it was funny that this devoted pilgrim was sweeping leaves off the tomb, but in retrospect I'm glad I included her so you could see the massive size of his cranium. It's got its own weather system!
Jeff's flying with Jesus!
This fox was as big as a cocker spaniel, limping and ornery-looking. I wouldn't dare get this close, I've got an awesome zoom on my camera
I took a picture of Ralph Richardson's grave but it seems to have mysteriously vanished off my camera. Who'd have thought such a famous actor would be camera-shy?
~*~
Day Five: Harrod's, Speaker's Corner, the Comedy Store
Harrod's is a great place to get classy London souvenirs, like Beefeater teddy bears. It also sells some unique things, none of which you'll see pictured here because I mainly videotaped and Tery now has the camera with her in Connecticut. Jeff plays a game on every trip to the store, find the most expensive item. On this day the winner was a 71" gold plasma TV (£50,000) and accompanying Surround Sound system (£25,000). Since we couldn't afford anything apart from my souvenirs, we instead spent our money at the Chocolate Bar, an in-store cafe that sells only chocolate dishes.
We indulged in some positively sinful white chocolate milkshakes. Mine was also strawberry and had fresh pulp at the bottom of the glass. Oh. My. God.
The Egyptian Escalator. Take note of the poor opera singer at the right who was largely ignored by the tourists
This is the site of a memorial to Princess Di and her lover, whose father apparently owns Harrod's
At my insistence Jeff took me back to Speaker's Corner, which impressed me a great deal on my last visit. Every Sunday, any loony with a crate to stand on can get up and preach to the crowd, no matter how insane or inflammatory their rhetoric may be. Think of that scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian, only less tongue-in-cheek. 12 years ago it was a mixed bag, but Jeff says now the challenge is to spot someone who ISN'T a religious nutjob.
This guy claimed to be an angel. I don't know what his stance was, I only heard him shouting down a heckler with the words, "Sir, are YOU an angel like me? How can you speak on God's behalf then?" I almost wish I'd stuck around a little longer
This guy held Jeff's interest for quite awhile. He argued that Christianity is actually polytheism (the Holy Trinity is three gods in one) and that there could be no getting along with other gods, because compromise indicates weakness. Therefore Allah must be the one true god (note bin Laden Sr. reading next to him)
This guy was a Southern Baptist with an African accent. He's in the process of insulting a group of Muslims, stating that "Jesus loves you but you're going to Hell anyway."
I forget what this guy was on about. I do remember Jeff asked him who were the wives of (i.e. had sex with) Adam and Eve's children (this made Jeff very popular among the Muslims in the audience). The guy answered smugly "The answer is in the Bible." He loses at life
Again I was impressed that the debates could become so heated and infuriating, yet still remain at a relatively civil, nonviolent level. But eventually all the anger and conflict became very wearying and we turned to leave. That's when we saw this group that had just turned up:
After collecting our free hugs, I got this stupid grin on my face that lasted the entire tube ride home. I felt like I was glowing. So simple to spread happiness, why is it so rare?
That night we went to the Comedy Store, where we saw an improv group made up largely of old favorites from Whose Line is it Anyway?
Paul Merton, Neil Mullarkey (Austin Powers), Jim Sweeney, Richard Vranch (!!!!! Tery and I have the biggest crush on him) and Andy Smart. Also, I didn't take this picture if that isn't obvious
Do I need to mention it was hilarious? It was. But then when we got home, we were relaxing in front of the telly when Jeff's wife and I noticed what had happened:
I broke Jeffy
That brings us almost exactly to the middle of my trip. I'll let you nosh on these for awhile. I'll finish later this weekend.