Optimistic
For once.
Though the events in my life are a bit ridiculous, as well as the people I've been dealing with, as least I'm me.
Combinations of things have made me thankful that I'm myself, and I realize I dumb myself down far too often to try and cope with certain events.
Yes, I understand the event and wish I didn't. I no longer wish to take drugs or even drink to forget my problems. So the unfortunate side effect of that, is I have to deal with things, and it takes time that I'll be very conscious of.
It isn't the worst thing in the world, things could of course be worse.. when couldn't they be? I'll just maintain my disappointment and move on.
I tried ordering my text books today and holy fuck. They wanted $200 for a used copy of a single book, I've never payed that much (I shop online and order old editions and used copies), but the professor purposely made it a three book set you have to get from the UNI bookstore. Instinctively, I want to rebel, that's just retarded. There isn't a better word to describe it, trust me. That's douche baggery and I'm going to find a way around it.
So instead of buying that book I ordered a book containing all of Isiah Berlin's essays as well as Gibran's "The Prophet". I am fucking excited.
I've read "Modern Man in Search of a Soul" by Carl Jung and still feel like I'm missing so much of what he meant. He's really been an inspiration in everything I've been doing lately, and a combination of him, along a few kind words from someone I've yet to meet have really been all that's been keeping me going. I'm rereading the text now and it still feels like I'm reading it the first time. I'll probably put it down when Gibran comes in.
I'm sure I have Jung's interpretation of a "soul", which has no religious implications.. but rather the co-existence of our conscious and unconscious desires. I can love, I can hate, I can fight for my life, Chopin can bring me to tears. Yet, from my observations.. I know of one person at least, who I don't think has a soul. I'm not even being figurative, it seems inhuman... and I guess that's part of my disappointment in people. You have to feel to be real, man. I suppose that's a point I have to disagree with in the book, I think some people have left what's human in them behind. The why, the wonder, the fascination with what's out there and what's keeping me here. The hope that the next thing will be my last and the fear that it could be.
BE A FUCKING PERSON! WEEP, SCREAM, CARE, FEEL SOMETHING YOU FUCKING ZOMBIE!
It wasn't the only part of the book I disagreed with, but all in all.. very good read.
I'm downloading some Marx brothers, haven't watch them since I was a kid... I think my grandmother still has all of the tapes we used to watch in her basement.
I want to die fighting giant monsters in Tokyo, not from some fucking heart thing.. fuck..
Promise me, please, that my epitaph be way cooler than how I actually died.. like:
"Totally whooped Mothra's ass, then died."
"Died inventing styrofoam submarines."
"Saved a bunch of kids from some diseased tiger."
"Had a heartattack saving another man from a heartattack."
Though the events in my life are a bit ridiculous, as well as the people I've been dealing with, as least I'm me.
Combinations of things have made me thankful that I'm myself, and I realize I dumb myself down far too often to try and cope with certain events.
Yes, I understand the event and wish I didn't. I no longer wish to take drugs or even drink to forget my problems. So the unfortunate side effect of that, is I have to deal with things, and it takes time that I'll be very conscious of.
It isn't the worst thing in the world, things could of course be worse.. when couldn't they be? I'll just maintain my disappointment and move on.
I tried ordering my text books today and holy fuck. They wanted $200 for a used copy of a single book, I've never payed that much (I shop online and order old editions and used copies), but the professor purposely made it a three book set you have to get from the UNI bookstore. Instinctively, I want to rebel, that's just retarded. There isn't a better word to describe it, trust me. That's douche baggery and I'm going to find a way around it.
So instead of buying that book I ordered a book containing all of Isiah Berlin's essays as well as Gibran's "The Prophet". I am fucking excited.
I've read "Modern Man in Search of a Soul" by Carl Jung and still feel like I'm missing so much of what he meant. He's really been an inspiration in everything I've been doing lately, and a combination of him, along a few kind words from someone I've yet to meet have really been all that's been keeping me going. I'm rereading the text now and it still feels like I'm reading it the first time. I'll probably put it down when Gibran comes in.
I'm sure I have Jung's interpretation of a "soul", which has no religious implications.. but rather the co-existence of our conscious and unconscious desires. I can love, I can hate, I can fight for my life, Chopin can bring me to tears. Yet, from my observations.. I know of one person at least, who I don't think has a soul. I'm not even being figurative, it seems inhuman... and I guess that's part of my disappointment in people. You have to feel to be real, man. I suppose that's a point I have to disagree with in the book, I think some people have left what's human in them behind. The why, the wonder, the fascination with what's out there and what's keeping me here. The hope that the next thing will be my last and the fear that it could be.
BE A FUCKING PERSON! WEEP, SCREAM, CARE, FEEL SOMETHING YOU FUCKING ZOMBIE!
It wasn't the only part of the book I disagreed with, but all in all.. very good read.
I'm downloading some Marx brothers, haven't watch them since I was a kid... I think my grandmother still has all of the tapes we used to watch in her basement.
I want to die fighting giant monsters in Tokyo, not from some fucking heart thing.. fuck..
Promise me, please, that my epitaph be way cooler than how I actually died.. like:
"Totally whooped Mothra's ass, then died."
"Died inventing styrofoam submarines."
"Saved a bunch of kids from some diseased tiger."
"Had a heartattack saving another man from a heartattack."