They knock it before they've even tried it, man.
"Dude, no way."
"Yes way."
"I side with Madsen on this. No way. No way in hell."
"Sam's right." Those two words sort of totally kill me to say. Not because of what I'm saying, but why I'm saying them. Guys like me are not supposed to agree with guys like Sam on stuff like this.
But life and a baby made me kick my own ass into shape as much as a guy like me knows how, so I can see his point now. It's not bad shit to go through. It's just new. And the parts that are freakish, you adjust to. And then those aren't so bad either.
"Dude, you've become defective. You have totally pulled a Sam in like... The worst way. Now all that's left is--"
"I'm not getting married to Noelle." Don't offend my sensibilites, man. I haven't changed that much. And even if I had, there's so no way she'd ever say yes. Which is fine by me.
"Still. You're not allowed to speak on this, dude."
"Madsen's right."
"Nicky, shut up."
Nick finally hit that stage the rest of us were at years ago, so now he's starting to date semi regularly, and he's got this whole bachelor thing happening. The thing is, he hasn't figured out that doesn't make him cool. The only one that can still work that out of all four of us is Madsen.
Even Ryan'd probably have had someone by now if he was still here, and stuff hadn't gone for him like it did.
Stuff that has me, Sam, Madsen, and Nicky all sitting in a bar in Louisiana. Drinking sodas, no less, because we put up the no JD rule for Sam. And feeling like shit, but trying to make each other laugh over cheap shots at two out of four being parents.
This is such bullshit, man. I should have said something to Ryan. Or told one of the guys that I thought something was up. I know we all blame ourselves a little, but I was the one who actually noticed something was up. So I should have stepped up.
And I still can't figure why I didn't.
"... Johnny, you okay?"
"What?" I looked up, not even realizing I'd been staring at my soda for the last two minutes until Sam snapped me out of it. "Yeah, I'm cool."
He seemed to get it, so he just nodded at me. And then Madsen and Nick got it, and we all went quiet for a few minutes, drinking, and three out of four probably wishing it was something seriously stronger.
But it wouldn't be fair to Sam. He stopped drinking a while ago, and he says he doesn't even think about it now, but we're here for a funeral. It's still going to be rough.
Me and Madsen got most of our drinking done after we found out, though. And Nicky did his while he was still in Reno. We'll survive it.
"So how many smiles does she have."
I answer Sam without even having to think about it. In fact, I think I sort of answered too fast. "Three, right now."
"... Dude."
"Awww. Johnny knows how many smiles his daughter has. What a good Daddy."
"Nicky, I swear, I will totally beat the shit out of you." He is having way too much fun with this. It's not right. It's throwing off a group dynamic, and it's bullshit.
"Okay, okay, easy guys. It's not a bad thing."
"Says the father of three, Sammy."
"Exactly. I know exactly what he's going through three times over, and you two don't have a clue about what you're making fun of. Which makes you guys look like assholes, and means we can laugh at you when you two somehow get kids."
"... Sam, think about what you're saying. Madsen having kids?"
"... Good point. Nevermind, we'll just laugh at Nick."
"Definitely." I laughed, and drank some more of my soda. "I mean, I know it'd be funny at first, but think of the poor kid, man. Can we say 'therapy at three'?" Probably before that, if they take them that young.
"Dude!"
"Do not get offended, you know it's true."
So very.
I grinned at Madsen across the table as Nicky and Sam were laughing, and laughed at the look he gave me. "Don't worry, man. It's a blessing. You're total uncle material."
"He is. Perfect for the job. All the coolness, none of the responsibility."
"Which is exactly how you like it, Madsen."
Finally, Nick's agreeing with the right people.
"So you and Noelle are still doing alright? ... Friends wise, I mean."
"Oh, that was smooth, Sammy."
"Shut up."
"Yeah, we do alright." I laughed again, and shrugged, leaning back in my chair and rubbing my eyes. "We still piss each other off every once in a while, but as long as we keep it easygoing..."
"Right. And you're comfortable with that?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I know what he's getting at, but I don't care. I'm not playing into it.
"... No reason."
"Seriously, Sammy. You are so working the smooth today."
"Shut up!"
"Guys, guys."
Looks like Nick's having his thing now. He'd been listening to his voicemail while Sam was talking to me, and he was just now flipping his phone shut. The look on his face said pretty obviously what it was about. "What's up?"
"We're uh... In the service. I guess there's some sort of thing with roses that we're supposed to do before they lower the coffin. Ryan's Mom's going to explain it to us when we see her tonight. She really wants us to do it, since we were his best friends and all, and it's supposed to be important."
"... Dude, that sounds really heavy."
"We can handle it."
"Yeah." I nodded, and went back to drinking my soda again so I wouldn't have to talk, and then everybody else did the same thing.
"Hey. To Ryan."
We all raised our glasses up to Sam's, even though it was the fourth toast we'd made today. "To Ryan."
"May he be having an awesome time wherever he is."
"Amen to that. To Ryan."
We clinked glasses, and went back to drinking. As soon as I put my glass down, my phone started vibrating. I got it out of my pocket, and checked who it was.
Noelle?
"Hang on a second, I'll be back." I got up and went outside, since my cellphone's getting shitty reception in here during calls, and answered it.
I didn't think I'd be hearing from her while we were here. Is something wrong?
"... Hey. Something up?"
"Yes way."
"I side with Madsen on this. No way. No way in hell."
"Sam's right." Those two words sort of totally kill me to say. Not because of what I'm saying, but why I'm saying them. Guys like me are not supposed to agree with guys like Sam on stuff like this.
But life and a baby made me kick my own ass into shape as much as a guy like me knows how, so I can see his point now. It's not bad shit to go through. It's just new. And the parts that are freakish, you adjust to. And then those aren't so bad either.
"Dude, you've become defective. You have totally pulled a Sam in like... The worst way. Now all that's left is--"
"I'm not getting married to Noelle." Don't offend my sensibilites, man. I haven't changed that much. And even if I had, there's so no way she'd ever say yes. Which is fine by me.
"Still. You're not allowed to speak on this, dude."
"Madsen's right."
"Nicky, shut up."
Nick finally hit that stage the rest of us were at years ago, so now he's starting to date semi regularly, and he's got this whole bachelor thing happening. The thing is, he hasn't figured out that doesn't make him cool. The only one that can still work that out of all four of us is Madsen.
Even Ryan'd probably have had someone by now if he was still here, and stuff hadn't gone for him like it did.
Stuff that has me, Sam, Madsen, and Nicky all sitting in a bar in Louisiana. Drinking sodas, no less, because we put up the no JD rule for Sam. And feeling like shit, but trying to make each other laugh over cheap shots at two out of four being parents.
This is such bullshit, man. I should have said something to Ryan. Or told one of the guys that I thought something was up. I know we all blame ourselves a little, but I was the one who actually noticed something was up. So I should have stepped up.
And I still can't figure why I didn't.
"... Johnny, you okay?"
"What?" I looked up, not even realizing I'd been staring at my soda for the last two minutes until Sam snapped me out of it. "Yeah, I'm cool."
He seemed to get it, so he just nodded at me. And then Madsen and Nick got it, and we all went quiet for a few minutes, drinking, and three out of four probably wishing it was something seriously stronger.
But it wouldn't be fair to Sam. He stopped drinking a while ago, and he says he doesn't even think about it now, but we're here for a funeral. It's still going to be rough.
Me and Madsen got most of our drinking done after we found out, though. And Nicky did his while he was still in Reno. We'll survive it.
"So how many smiles does she have."
I answer Sam without even having to think about it. In fact, I think I sort of answered too fast. "Three, right now."
"... Dude."
"Awww. Johnny knows how many smiles his daughter has. What a good Daddy."
"Nicky, I swear, I will totally beat the shit out of you." He is having way too much fun with this. It's not right. It's throwing off a group dynamic, and it's bullshit.
"Okay, okay, easy guys. It's not a bad thing."
"Says the father of three, Sammy."
"Exactly. I know exactly what he's going through three times over, and you two don't have a clue about what you're making fun of. Which makes you guys look like assholes, and means we can laugh at you when you two somehow get kids."
"... Sam, think about what you're saying. Madsen having kids?"
"... Good point. Nevermind, we'll just laugh at Nick."
"Definitely." I laughed, and drank some more of my soda. "I mean, I know it'd be funny at first, but think of the poor kid, man. Can we say 'therapy at three'?" Probably before that, if they take them that young.
"Dude!"
"Do not get offended, you know it's true."
So very.
I grinned at Madsen across the table as Nicky and Sam were laughing, and laughed at the look he gave me. "Don't worry, man. It's a blessing. You're total uncle material."
"He is. Perfect for the job. All the coolness, none of the responsibility."
"Which is exactly how you like it, Madsen."
Finally, Nick's agreeing with the right people.
"So you and Noelle are still doing alright? ... Friends wise, I mean."
"Oh, that was smooth, Sammy."
"Shut up."
"Yeah, we do alright." I laughed again, and shrugged, leaning back in my chair and rubbing my eyes. "We still piss each other off every once in a while, but as long as we keep it easygoing..."
"Right. And you're comfortable with that?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I know what he's getting at, but I don't care. I'm not playing into it.
"... No reason."
"Seriously, Sammy. You are so working the smooth today."
"Shut up!"
"Guys, guys."
Looks like Nick's having his thing now. He'd been listening to his voicemail while Sam was talking to me, and he was just now flipping his phone shut. The look on his face said pretty obviously what it was about. "What's up?"
"We're uh... In the service. I guess there's some sort of thing with roses that we're supposed to do before they lower the coffin. Ryan's Mom's going to explain it to us when we see her tonight. She really wants us to do it, since we were his best friends and all, and it's supposed to be important."
"... Dude, that sounds really heavy."
"We can handle it."
"Yeah." I nodded, and went back to drinking my soda again so I wouldn't have to talk, and then everybody else did the same thing.
"Hey. To Ryan."
We all raised our glasses up to Sam's, even though it was the fourth toast we'd made today. "To Ryan."
"May he be having an awesome time wherever he is."
"Amen to that. To Ryan."
We clinked glasses, and went back to drinking. As soon as I put my glass down, my phone started vibrating. I got it out of my pocket, and checked who it was.
Noelle?
"Hang on a second, I'll be back." I got up and went outside, since my cellphone's getting shitty reception in here during calls, and answered it.
I didn't think I'd be hearing from her while we were here. Is something wrong?
"... Hey. Something up?"