.dry salty apology+meat decay= ?.
.
why?...
i dont know where to start.. this stupid post is just like many of writen before.. but i cant seem to...
although those people will never (ever) read this or even come across this by any chance, i'd still like to apologize to them. .im sorry i pushed u away. yes, i do regret doing so. why did i have to be so stubborn and try to find something that as i know now, has never existed. u all gave me the chance but all i did was push u all away...... and why u ask? no one should know... just my lame self. as always. . i didnt take chances just because i decided to fight for what i believed in. now, i realize that MY beliefs are and were pure bullshit. .they got trampled on... and by who? by myself.
i wasted time. i wasted years. years god dammit. fucking years out of my life!!! years i will no longer be able to go back to. ever.
i was nothing then and i am nothing now.
but again... i apologize. all (which werent that many) but still.... why didnt i go along with it.. just like everyone i know. why!??!!?
hahaha..... i wish it was only as easy as to drill a fucking hole in my head so that i could forget. forget it all. forget about humanity. so that later on, i could forgive everyone.
unfortunately, its not that simple.
i am tired of bits and bits.... little tiny cuts which hurt more than the whole stab itself. i think (and i know) im ready.. to understand this all.
i know i'll stay sane. im pretty sure at least.
haha ha.. now i know that im not alone. there really is others out there. but unlike them, i'll survive.
"When you accept all of your thoughts and feelings, you will be free to release them. Thoughts come before actions. Accepting your thoughts takes away their power to haunt you. Also, your mind is private property."
i read that somewhere. its bullshit i think. and its supossed to help me, bleh. first of all, i cant accept my fucking thoughts and thats why they fucking haunt me. and another thing, my mind is private property?! ahaha... my mind is fucking dead now.
its not over yet, but it will be soon. 'that' which smears my face with horror.
and then... we can all be happy (just for you)...... and maybe... just maybe... angel will open all his doors to u. why not?
once the doors have opened.. take whatevers left inside. i wont really care. but then again, im not quite there yet.
i take my seat and brace myself.
.
why?...
i dont know where to start.. this stupid post is just like many of writen before.. but i cant seem to...
although those people will never (ever) read this or even come across this by any chance, i'd still like to apologize to them. .im sorry i pushed u away. yes, i do regret doing so. why did i have to be so stubborn and try to find something that as i know now, has never existed. u all gave me the chance but all i did was push u all away...... and why u ask? no one should know... just my lame self. as always. . i didnt take chances just because i decided to fight for what i believed in. now, i realize that MY beliefs are and were pure bullshit. .they got trampled on... and by who? by myself.
i wasted time. i wasted years. years god dammit. fucking years out of my life!!! years i will no longer be able to go back to. ever.
i was nothing then and i am nothing now.
but again... i apologize. all (which werent that many) but still.... why didnt i go along with it.. just like everyone i know. why!??!!?
hahaha..... i wish it was only as easy as to drill a fucking hole in my head so that i could forget. forget it all. forget about humanity. so that later on, i could forgive everyone.
unfortunately, its not that simple.
i am tired of bits and bits.... little tiny cuts which hurt more than the whole stab itself. i think (and i know) im ready.. to understand this all.
i know i'll stay sane. im pretty sure at least.
haha ha.. now i know that im not alone. there really is others out there. but unlike them, i'll survive.
"When you accept all of your thoughts and feelings, you will be free to release them. Thoughts come before actions. Accepting your thoughts takes away their power to haunt you. Also, your mind is private property."
i read that somewhere. its bullshit i think. and its supossed to help me, bleh. first of all, i cant accept my fucking thoughts and thats why they fucking haunt me. and another thing, my mind is private property?! ahaha... my mind is fucking dead now.
its not over yet, but it will be soon. 'that' which smears my face with horror.
and then... we can all be happy (just for you)...... and maybe... just maybe... angel will open all his doors to u. why not?
once the doors have opened.. take whatevers left inside. i wont really care. but then again, im not quite there yet.
i take my seat and brace myself.
.