[IC] Week 1, Day 1, early morning 1/2eternalscorpionOctober 10 2009, 09:43:27 UTC
[Sasori considers what she has told him. She is probably being truthful, as the glimmers of information he gleaned from Deidara's dream, and her dream, and her reading of his tactics during their more recent battle seem to confirm these things.
Besides, if she didn't want him to know the truth she probably would not have responded at all.
He's thoughtful .]
...She used that technique? What a shame I don't remember it, I'd always wanted to see it in action.
I'm surprised she was so selfless, to use the antidote on you. It wasn't like her at all to-
[He halts as what happened next begins to sink in, and his brow furrows.
He'd seen it, in Deidara's dream, that they had been the ones who had stabbed him through his heart, since his body had still been impaled.
He'd thought perhaps Chiyo had used some trick. He'd already noticed that her speed wasn't what it once was when they'd dueled, although she was still formidable. If she'd been fatigued and poisoned, it would have been difficult for her to catch him completely unawares.
He frowns.]
She...said that?
[The denial is immediate. It's a ridiculous idea. He's made himself eternal for the express purpose of living forever. Why would he...
Why would he kill himself? It's preposterous.
But...seeing them again had stirred up something within him. They were a reminder, that it was better to be like them, eternal and unfeeling. Once they had taught him that lesson years ago, they were no longer of use. Sentimental attachments to those particular creations brought him no advantages, so he'd abandoned them.
His frown deepens.
But he's never been truly unfeeling at all. He's a failed masterpiece, because he still has emotions despite everything, even if he's free now from the shackles of hormones and brain chemistry, and his feelings are thus more detached and malleable.
And so, it may be more distant and easier to push aside, but the pain is still there after all these years, always lingering in the back of his mind. Pain, and fear, and loneliness. No matter how much time he'd spent inside of the soothing, dark confines of Hiruko, he'd never been able to completely hide from those feelings, even if he'd hid himself away from others so effectively; Hiruko's embrace was ultimately a cold one, and simply didn't provide any true comfort.
Seeing Chiyo again reminded him of broken ties and barriers he'd deliberately put up between himself and others again and again, because it's better to be alone than to be burdened by fear of betrayal and pain.
Why couldn't she have just stayed in Suna where she belonged?
He'd considered himself to be alone, and if he'd died, he would have been unmourned and forgotten. It was what he'd wanted and strived for, after all. Any time a connection was threatening, he severed it, or suppressed it if it could not be severed. He'd thought he had nothing and no one, save his art.
It had been painful to see his puppets destroyed when he'd fought Sakura and Neji. How much more painful would it have been then, when all he'd had was his art?
His expression doesn't change even as he grimly is forced to acknowledge it isn't out of the realm of possibility that he may have succumbed to despair from having nothing else left, may have grown reckless and careless enough to...]
[IC] Week 1, Day 1, early morning 2/2eternalscorpionOctober 10 2009, 09:44:44 UTC
[But that was before.
Things have been different ever since he came to this world. He'd certainly had no thoughts of killing himself when he'd died in battle here, but had fought tenaciously for as long as he could.
His frown disappears, and his expression softens just a little.
Things have changed, because Sasori realized that Deidara is with him, and has been with him since they became partners, even before that incident two years ago that made clear the potential for something more. Even when he'd fled from what it meant then out of fear.
Deidara had dreamed, and had shown Sasori that there was someone who had mourned him when he was gone. He had not been forgotten. And it was because of that dream that he'd made a promise to live, and he'd tried to keep it, even if that had proven impossible.
Still, it had led to a true breakthrough between them, and he knows now that he isn't alone anymore.
And he won't succumb to despair now. He did, after all, make a promise.
He also won't speak of any of this to anyone else.]
...No, she was probably mistaken. After all, you're slower than she was, and I was unable to avoid the final blow when you killed me.
Perhaps she was in denial over being forced to kill me. Maybe it was a difficult thing for her. I don't know, I had not spoken to her in many years.
Oh? So I told you about him? Did you meet him? Was he still loyal?
[He smiles a little.]
It was clear to me that you'd fought well from what I remember, so perhaps I was feeling generous. You did seem rather determined to know about Orochimaru...
Why was it that you wanted to know about Orochimaru so badly?
[Sakura doesn't quite believe him. Partially because it's Chiyo's words against his and one of them was an ally and one of them wasn't, and partially because she recognized, vaguely, the way he spoke when he was covering something up. (So strange to have that knowledge of him, when it never really existed. Like a phantom pain.)
She considers saying something--she isn't sure what, but nothing harsh like she should say to him--when he asks that last question.
Sakura bristles. It's a bit of a sore subject.]
As a matter of fact, he was never loyal to you. Kabuto was a double agent for Orochimaru.
And why I wanted to know is none of your damned business.
[Sasori blinks, surprised at the vehemence that she responds with. Clearly Orochimaru is a sore subject for her. Interesting...
He had considered the possibility before that Kabuto might be compromised. That degenerate had, after all, learned far too many of Sasori's secrets while they were partners. She's just confirmed something very useful about the brainwashing jutsu: that it's both detectable and reversible. He'll clearly have to refine it further, to ensure it's neither.
Perhaps if she hadn't told him what he wished to know and more, he'd respond harshly. Instead of snapping back as he normally would, he merely shrugs.]
I see. We all have our secrets, I suppose, even someone straightforward like yourself.
[He looks away.]
...I'm fortunate that there are some secrets that you're freer with than others.
[He wonders if she'll understand what he's really expressing. She's eased his mind a great deal by telling him how he'd died and removing that troubling gap in his memories. However, thanking her openly really wouldn't be appropriate, no matter how grateful he feels; they are, after all, enemies.
A proper kunoichi really should be able to pick up on these sort of subtleties.]
Besides, if she didn't want him to know the truth she probably would not have responded at all.
He's thoughtful .]
...She used that technique? What a shame I don't remember it, I'd always wanted to see it in action.
I'm surprised she was so selfless, to use the antidote on you. It wasn't like her at all to-
[He halts as what happened next begins to sink in, and his brow furrows.
He'd seen it, in Deidara's dream, that they had been the ones who had stabbed him through his heart, since his body had still been impaled.
He'd thought perhaps Chiyo had used some trick. He'd already noticed that her speed wasn't what it once was when they'd dueled, although she was still formidable. If she'd been fatigued and poisoned, it would have been difficult for her to catch him completely unawares.
He frowns.]
She...said that?
[The denial is immediate. It's a ridiculous idea. He's made himself eternal for the express purpose of living forever. Why would he...
Why would he kill himself? It's preposterous.
But...seeing them again had stirred up something within him. They were a reminder, that it was better to be like them, eternal and unfeeling. Once they had taught him that lesson years ago, they were no longer of use. Sentimental attachments to those particular creations brought him no advantages, so he'd abandoned them.
His frown deepens.
But he's never been truly unfeeling at all. He's a failed masterpiece, because he still has emotions despite everything, even if he's free now from the shackles of hormones and brain chemistry, and his feelings are thus more detached and malleable.
And so, it may be more distant and easier to push aside, but the pain is still there after all these years, always lingering in the back of his mind. Pain, and fear, and loneliness. No matter how much time he'd spent inside of the soothing, dark confines of Hiruko, he'd never been able to completely hide from those feelings, even if he'd hid himself away from others so effectively; Hiruko's embrace was ultimately a cold one, and simply didn't provide any true comfort.
Seeing Chiyo again reminded him of broken ties and barriers he'd deliberately put up between himself and others again and again, because it's better to be alone than to be burdened by fear of betrayal and pain.
Why couldn't she have just stayed in Suna where she belonged?
He'd considered himself to be alone, and if he'd died, he would have been unmourned and forgotten. It was what he'd wanted and strived for, after all. Any time a connection was threatening, he severed it, or suppressed it if it could not be severed. He'd thought he had nothing and no one, save his art.
It had been painful to see his puppets destroyed when he'd fought Sakura and Neji. How much more painful would it have been then, when all he'd had was his art?
His expression doesn't change even as he grimly is forced to acknowledge it isn't out of the realm of possibility that he may have succumbed to despair from having nothing else left, may have grown reckless and careless enough to...]
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Things have been different ever since he came to this world. He'd certainly had no thoughts of killing himself when he'd died in battle here, but had fought tenaciously for as long as he could.
His frown disappears, and his expression softens just a little.
Things have changed, because Sasori realized that Deidara is with him, and has been with him since they became partners, even before that incident two years ago that made clear the potential for something more. Even when he'd fled from what it meant then out of fear.
Deidara had dreamed, and had shown Sasori that there was someone who had mourned him when he was gone. He had not been forgotten. And it was because of that dream that he'd made a promise to live, and he'd tried to keep it, even if that had proven impossible.
Still, it had led to a true breakthrough between them, and he knows now that he isn't alone anymore.
And he won't succumb to despair now. He did, after all, make a promise.
He also won't speak of any of this to anyone else.]
...No, she was probably mistaken. After all, you're slower than she was, and I was unable to avoid the final blow when you killed me.
Perhaps she was in denial over being forced to kill me. Maybe it was a difficult thing for her. I don't know, I had not spoken to her in many years.
Oh? So I told you about him? Did you meet him? Was he still loyal?
[He smiles a little.]
It was clear to me that you'd fought well from what I remember, so perhaps I was feeling generous. You did seem rather determined to know about Orochimaru...
Why was it that you wanted to know about Orochimaru so badly?
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She considers saying something--she isn't sure what, but nothing harsh like she should say to him--when he asks that last question.
Sakura bristles. It's a bit of a sore subject.]
As a matter of fact, he was never loyal to you. Kabuto was a double agent for Orochimaru.
And why I wanted to know is none of your damned business.
Reply
He had considered the possibility before that Kabuto might be compromised. That degenerate had, after all, learned far too many of Sasori's secrets while they were partners. She's just confirmed something very useful about the brainwashing jutsu: that it's both detectable and reversible. He'll clearly have to refine it further, to ensure it's neither.
Perhaps if she hadn't told him what he wished to know and more, he'd respond harshly. Instead of snapping back as he normally would, he merely shrugs.]
I see. We all have our secrets, I suppose, even someone straightforward like yourself.
[He looks away.]
...I'm fortunate that there are some secrets that you're freer with than others.
[He wonders if she'll understand what he's really expressing. She's eased his mind a great deal by telling him how he'd died and removing that troubling gap in his memories. However, thanking her openly really wouldn't be appropriate, no matter how grateful he feels; they are, after all, enemies.
A proper kunoichi really should be able to pick up on these sort of subtleties.]
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