woe is me.
cursed be the devil. what a jerk. dude i feel wretched right now. it wouldnt be that if he wasnt always screwing with people.
i erased all my other entries cuz livejournal scares me. i used to have an online diary, but somehow didnt like the idea of people reading my life suddenly. then i kinda got LJ and updated every once in awhile when i was full of one emotion or another. but i erased it. and now here i am feeling overwhelmed, writing more for no one to read.
i have a mild case of paranoia, hyper-sensitivity, and a constant need for attention from those closest to me. and all three of those are acting up on me.
my best friend has a new girlfriend, and i am happy for him. shes being really good to him (so far), and making him really happy. for the first couple of days i was understanding of his desire to see her all the time. but now, hes friggin forgotten his friends. hes always with her. the only chance i have had to hang out with him is wednesday, when i knew hed be home for band practice and dawsons creek. soon as dawsons creek was over he took off with that girl again. but it hasnt been all bad cuz i have this girl who has been occupting much of my time. but not as bad as what hes doing, mind you. shes super-cool, really sweet, and seriously the cutest little spanish girl ever. its easy at this point to get crazy into her, cuz i havent had a girlfriend for a long time, but i know i cant do all these crazy things yet. shes recently broken up and has said she doesnt want anything serious.
which is cool. i wanna get to know her better anyway. shes know im a christian, and although she isnt, understands and repects my boundaries when it comes to dating, sex, etc.
but not that it matters, cuz we arent together. i may be fooling myself, but it seems to me like we have sort of been talking around the subject of getting together. which is very welcome, especially with her.
we talk on the phone foreever, talk online forever, hang out at my house and talk forever...
but i try calling her today and she doesnt answer. so my paranoia kicks in. then when i cant take sitting around hoping shell call, i call jonah to hang out, and guess what??? hes with amy!
so no hanging out tonite. not with monica, not with jonah. not with anyone. so now my feelings are hurt that i got ditched by jonah, and im worried that the girl is avoiding me (gay, i know), and just kinda depressed cuz theres no one to talk to.
its all the devil. jerk. if he wasnt around life would be sweet bliss.
i erased all my other entries cuz livejournal scares me. i used to have an online diary, but somehow didnt like the idea of people reading my life suddenly. then i kinda got LJ and updated every once in awhile when i was full of one emotion or another. but i erased it. and now here i am feeling overwhelmed, writing more for no one to read.
i have a mild case of paranoia, hyper-sensitivity, and a constant need for attention from those closest to me. and all three of those are acting up on me.
my best friend has a new girlfriend, and i am happy for him. shes being really good to him (so far), and making him really happy. for the first couple of days i was understanding of his desire to see her all the time. but now, hes friggin forgotten his friends. hes always with her. the only chance i have had to hang out with him is wednesday, when i knew hed be home for band practice and dawsons creek. soon as dawsons creek was over he took off with that girl again. but it hasnt been all bad cuz i have this girl who has been occupting much of my time. but not as bad as what hes doing, mind you. shes super-cool, really sweet, and seriously the cutest little spanish girl ever. its easy at this point to get crazy into her, cuz i havent had a girlfriend for a long time, but i know i cant do all these crazy things yet. shes recently broken up and has said she doesnt want anything serious.
which is cool. i wanna get to know her better anyway. shes know im a christian, and although she isnt, understands and repects my boundaries when it comes to dating, sex, etc.
but not that it matters, cuz we arent together. i may be fooling myself, but it seems to me like we have sort of been talking around the subject of getting together. which is very welcome, especially with her.
we talk on the phone foreever, talk online forever, hang out at my house and talk forever...
but i try calling her today and she doesnt answer. so my paranoia kicks in. then when i cant take sitting around hoping shell call, i call jonah to hang out, and guess what??? hes with amy!
so no hanging out tonite. not with monica, not with jonah. not with anyone. so now my feelings are hurt that i got ditched by jonah, and im worried that the girl is avoiding me (gay, i know), and just kinda depressed cuz theres no one to talk to.
its all the devil. jerk. if he wasnt around life would be sweet bliss.