An odd Fear
So, I was having a discussion with my ex. Not a common thing I'm sure, but I was good friends with my ex before we got together and that was my initial hesitation was because I was scared we couldn't be friends again.
Needless to say, we're now talking again, however, he's telling me I'm horribly unaffectionate and I need to change, completely.
My family is not affectionate, not really; I mean we hug and everything, but none of us are, well, extroverts.
My ex, however, is. His is loud and boisterous and thats one of the reason why I liked being his friend. Throughout our friendship and our relationship I tried to be open to giving and receiving affection, so I hug him and when we were together I kissed him and even tried to do that in public. Now that we're no longer together I went and said hi when I had the time between classes and hugged him before i left, just like I always used too.
So yesterday, he asked me why, like I had never hugged him before. Then he got on about how unaffectionate I was and said I need to work past it.
Because I can't hold Hands!!!! It freaks me out when my hands are constricted. I start to get irritated, then agitated, then pissed, then freaked out until I can't stand it anymore. It disturbs me and I told it was irrational to have the fear that I couldn't be free or safe without my hands free. I know that but it doesn't stop me from having it.
Then he told me that I wont go anywhere in life if I can't forget about the fear cause its irrational and stupid.
Can I help it when I don't even know why I have the fear? Is the fear because of my parents being divorced? Is that the reason for my being an introvert?
I don't really think the introvert-ness is because of my parents' divorce, because even though they are, they are both introverts too. they go out every once and a while but they, like my brother and I, enjoy staying in with a good movie/book and some good homemade food.
Is that so wrong?
I'm not uncomfortable with other forms of touching, like being held or have my significant other holding me about the waist or kissing, that stuff is fine. Even teasing and touching is fine, I just can't have my hands confined.
He makes it sound like there is something wrong with me.
Is there?
I know I don't like to go into crowds all that often, or do thinks like smoke pot--which he harassed me into doing once--like he thinks is normal. I mean I don't mind having a few drinks, but I never want to get rip-roaring drunk, I couldn't stand not have most of my wits about me.
But I'm quiet and I like to read and am a private person in general, is it wrong that I like to keep to myself and my close friends? I think he seriously believes theres something wrong with me.
Needless to say, we're now talking again, however, he's telling me I'm horribly unaffectionate and I need to change, completely.
My family is not affectionate, not really; I mean we hug and everything, but none of us are, well, extroverts.
My ex, however, is. His is loud and boisterous and thats one of the reason why I liked being his friend. Throughout our friendship and our relationship I tried to be open to giving and receiving affection, so I hug him and when we were together I kissed him and even tried to do that in public. Now that we're no longer together I went and said hi when I had the time between classes and hugged him before i left, just like I always used too.
So yesterday, he asked me why, like I had never hugged him before. Then he got on about how unaffectionate I was and said I need to work past it.
Because I can't hold Hands!!!! It freaks me out when my hands are constricted. I start to get irritated, then agitated, then pissed, then freaked out until I can't stand it anymore. It disturbs me and I told it was irrational to have the fear that I couldn't be free or safe without my hands free. I know that but it doesn't stop me from having it.
Then he told me that I wont go anywhere in life if I can't forget about the fear cause its irrational and stupid.
Can I help it when I don't even know why I have the fear? Is the fear because of my parents being divorced? Is that the reason for my being an introvert?
I don't really think the introvert-ness is because of my parents' divorce, because even though they are, they are both introverts too. they go out every once and a while but they, like my brother and I, enjoy staying in with a good movie/book and some good homemade food.
Is that so wrong?
I'm not uncomfortable with other forms of touching, like being held or have my significant other holding me about the waist or kissing, that stuff is fine. Even teasing and touching is fine, I just can't have my hands confined.
He makes it sound like there is something wrong with me.
Is there?
I know I don't like to go into crowds all that often, or do thinks like smoke pot--which he harassed me into doing once--like he thinks is normal. I mean I don't mind having a few drinks, but I never want to get rip-roaring drunk, I couldn't stand not have most of my wits about me.
But I'm quiet and I like to read and am a private person in general, is it wrong that I like to keep to myself and my close friends? I think he seriously believes theres something wrong with me.