Exhaustion
I'm tired.
God, am I so tired.
You say you have to belong.
You have to prove that you are better than what they think.
You're getting hurt, bleeding, broken.
Your words are both thoughtless and sharp.
They hurt and bring up memories; colors and shattering glass.
I'm watching him.
At two he's so smart and he's definitely my child, if not in blood.
Four parents.
Two splitting and I'm holding together kids who miss their father and a mother who's either working or playing.
The cursor blinks as I stare at the screen, history and biology swimming before my eyes.
Applications for work I don't have but need.
Exhaustion weighs on me.
Emotionally.
Physically.
You stare and tell me you can help, that whatever I'm feeling can be worked through.
I'm so used to being by myself, holding up myself I don't know how let anyone help me.
I laugh and think about what a psychiatrist would say about me, but I know there isn't much in my life to have done much damage.
I'm pathetic.
I don't want to be pathetic.
I push away those who try to get close to me.
Why?
Why can I only let myself close to the ones I see and my kid or my sister and my brother.
I suppose I need to learn.
Learn to ask for help
To accept it when offered.
Life is about learning and we never stop.
I suppose I need to learn this.
Learn to let them, anyone I care about, close enough to get hurt, even when I know it's coming.
I don't like pain.
I suppose I have to learn to live with it.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
God, am I so tired.
You say you have to belong.
You have to prove that you are better than what they think.
You're getting hurt, bleeding, broken.
Your words are both thoughtless and sharp.
They hurt and bring up memories; colors and shattering glass.
I'm watching him.
At two he's so smart and he's definitely my child, if not in blood.
Four parents.
Two splitting and I'm holding together kids who miss their father and a mother who's either working or playing.
The cursor blinks as I stare at the screen, history and biology swimming before my eyes.
Applications for work I don't have but need.
Exhaustion weighs on me.
Emotionally.
Physically.
You stare and tell me you can help, that whatever I'm feeling can be worked through.
I'm so used to being by myself, holding up myself I don't know how let anyone help me.
I laugh and think about what a psychiatrist would say about me, but I know there isn't much in my life to have done much damage.
I'm pathetic.
I don't want to be pathetic.
I push away those who try to get close to me.
Why?
Why can I only let myself close to the ones I see and my kid or my sister and my brother.
I suppose I need to learn.
Learn to ask for help
To accept it when offered.
Life is about learning and we never stop.
I suppose I need to learn this.
Learn to let them, anyone I care about, close enough to get hurt, even when I know it's coming.
I don't like pain.
I suppose I have to learn to live with it.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.