I hope.
I hate looking at people and seeing the bad in them. It's what I'm doing now. I just despise myself when I'm so judgemental, but I can't help it. And who am I to judge when I myself am so flawed?
I just hate it when you want something, or someone, to be perfect. You know they can't be, but you imagine they are. I do this way too much. I think of the life I want and the life I have and sulk.
But I really am working harder on being a better person. Better student. Better daughter. Better friend.
I'm trying in school--really trying. I've got all A's and B's. And all of my B's (except for math of course) are high. I study and do my homework. I pay attention in class, even in math.
I'm trying to stay healthy--I've cut sugar almost completely out of my diet. I'm allowed a treat a day. I haven't had Coke in 5 days...which is a MAJOR accomplishment.
I'm trying to sketch more. Now that I've quit piano (for the moment...Hopefully I'll start back up in a couple of months) I've been trying to draw more and watch less TV and such.
I'm trying to get along with my family--And with Mom and Lauren it's going well. But my father is the most infuriating, irrational person I have ever met. He's just...cold. He really is. I love him, but he's not a good dad. He doesn't even really try to be. My sister comes home last night and tells Dad she has all A's (even in math, which she usually gets C's in!) except for an 88 in Spanish. I'm really proud of her, but all Dad can say is, "Spanish is easy. I made 100s in every language I took" and didn't even comment on the A's. He takes all of the pressures of his career out on us. He drinks too much and blows our money on a thousand dollar widescreen TV, and a week later complains about not having enough money to buy toilet paper. I'm just sick of it. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to him. I avoid him whenever I see him coming.
I'm trying to be a better friend. But it's so hard--I'm starting to feel really guilty a lot when it comes to friends...I don't know why. And seeing flaws in them AND myself just makes it even more confusing.
Sorry, guys. I feel better now that I've gotten it out of my system. It's just that I'm under a lot of pressure right now...I'm really busy this month. I'm in running crew for TKM, in the choir show, trying to get ready for Trumbauer, trying to find time to buy Rocky Horror/Halloween costumes, studying for exams, worrying about PSATS...just...lots of stress. But I'm gonna be okay, I think. I hope.
I just hate it when you want something, or someone, to be perfect. You know they can't be, but you imagine they are. I do this way too much. I think of the life I want and the life I have and sulk.
But I really am working harder on being a better person. Better student. Better daughter. Better friend.
I'm trying in school--really trying. I've got all A's and B's. And all of my B's (except for math of course) are high. I study and do my homework. I pay attention in class, even in math.
I'm trying to stay healthy--I've cut sugar almost completely out of my diet. I'm allowed a treat a day. I haven't had Coke in 5 days...which is a MAJOR accomplishment.
I'm trying to sketch more. Now that I've quit piano (for the moment...Hopefully I'll start back up in a couple of months) I've been trying to draw more and watch less TV and such.
I'm trying to get along with my family--And with Mom and Lauren it's going well. But my father is the most infuriating, irrational person I have ever met. He's just...cold. He really is. I love him, but he's not a good dad. He doesn't even really try to be. My sister comes home last night and tells Dad she has all A's (even in math, which she usually gets C's in!) except for an 88 in Spanish. I'm really proud of her, but all Dad can say is, "Spanish is easy. I made 100s in every language I took" and didn't even comment on the A's. He takes all of the pressures of his career out on us. He drinks too much and blows our money on a thousand dollar widescreen TV, and a week later complains about not having enough money to buy toilet paper. I'm just sick of it. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to him. I avoid him whenever I see him coming.
I'm trying to be a better friend. But it's so hard--I'm starting to feel really guilty a lot when it comes to friends...I don't know why. And seeing flaws in them AND myself just makes it even more confusing.
Sorry, guys. I feel better now that I've gotten it out of my system. It's just that I'm under a lot of pressure right now...I'm really busy this month. I'm in running crew for TKM, in the choir show, trying to get ready for Trumbauer, trying to find time to buy Rocky Horror/Halloween costumes, studying for exams, worrying about PSATS...just...lots of stress. But I'm gonna be okay, I think. I hope.