Emo tions
So maybe i'm a sun person. I know my moods shouldn't rely on the weather outside or even the crazy food that i eat and I know where my contentment and satisfaction should lie. So when I get in these moods I continue to drill positive things, quotes, sayings into my head to make me feel happy. Then I feel as if it would be unfair to myself to not allow me some down time. Some thought, emotion provoking, pondering time. The thing is when I have these times I think about the not so happy moments in my life. Ways I've acted, people I have turned away from me, Relationships that just weren't right and that hurt me so badly. Actually it always comes back to one relationship where through one I lost many. Then one starts to analyze their personality and tries to decide where they wen't wrong. Which personality flaw did a person not like or accept or tolerate. I feel sometimes like I have so many personalities in me. Wonderful for artistic reasons but not so wonderful when i want to be consistent in my personality and attitude. Especially when I have a goal of a Christ-like attitude where I am loving and joyful and humble and on and on. And yet i feel like emotions some times are so uncontrolable and no not just because i'm a girl. so many factors seem to come in to play don't they? Maybe it starts from lack of sleep. Which makes you in a down, fatigued manner already. Then one event pops in to your mind where you were feeling like this before then it's like a chain reaction of bad memories with a vicious cycle of mixed emotions about being able or why one feels these things. I suppose it in the end comes to being content again. Knowing that without lows the highs wouldn't feel so sweet. Knowing that lows will never be unbearable again because of the comfort and peace of God and then being appreciative of so many blessings that have been given to such an unworthy person. Thanking God for relationships and thinking to myself, "Maybe it's good to be sad and feel so much emotion, i can turn these feelings and emotions into a character I may play on a stage later or perhaps I can write a song or create dance movement to it." God picks me right back up.