Emotional Rollercoaster...
Dammit. No. No no no no no. About an hour after I wrote the other piece, her platelettes dropped down to 21. It isn't working. Her cells are eating them up. No. They say another transfusion isn't going to do anything, so even attempting it would be a "waste." I want them to, though. Anything. I just want her healthy again. I would spend thousands and go to great lengths to have her healthy and in my arms again. I just can't accept that there is nothing I can do to save her. She was fighting it with all her heart and soul, dammit.
And of course, the final decision depends on me since I agreed to pay for the lethal injection. My decision now is: Do I bring her home, Let her be with her family one last time, watch her fade, and then take her back in the morning for the... injection? Or do I go down there and have them give her the injection today?
Honestly, I selfishly want the first, because I want to visit with her one last time and I know she'd want to be with her family, too. But I don't know how well equipped I'd be to watch her fade and the second would end her suffering immediately.
Dammit. I'm not grown up enough to make these decisions...
And of course, the final decision depends on me since I agreed to pay for the lethal injection. My decision now is: Do I bring her home, Let her be with her family one last time, watch her fade, and then take her back in the morning for the... injection? Or do I go down there and have them give her the injection today?
Honestly, I selfishly want the first, because I want to visit with her one last time and I know she'd want to be with her family, too. But I don't know how well equipped I'd be to watch her fade and the second would end her suffering immediately.
Dammit. I'm not grown up enough to make these decisions...