(no subject)
So last night I talked to Tony. I always feel a sense of relief after I talk to him, but that relief doesn't last too long. Because after a few hours I know he isn't thinking about me, and there I am, still thinking of him. That is a sucky feeling.
A friend of mine, Chad, invited me to a party last night. I had a good time. It may not have looked like it, but I did. Anything is better than sitting at home by myself on a Friday night crying over my situation. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Last night I laughed a lot and smiled a lot. The most since Tony did what he did. It felt good. And I want to do that all the time. I don't want there to be anymore times that I feel the way I do right now.
I woke up this morning feeling like he was lying next to me. When I rolled over, he wasn't there. I had a feeling that my phone would ring and it would be him. But it never rang. And it won't. I don't know why I keep giving myself these false hopes. Hopes that he will call, be there, or want to be back in my life. All these feelings, make me sick to my stomach.
I haven't eatten much since all this happened. I've lost 7 lbs. Not good. I feel weak, I can't sleep. I think this is the worst I've ever taken a break up. And why?!? We only dated for less than 3 months.
But those 3 months were magical. I felt like an enchanted princess. He made me feel like I was on top of the world, like I could walk on water. And now, I feel like nothing again. Just plain old Amber. Nothing special.
I know, I know. I am something special. I am something good. I know I will hear all that from you. But, it is different when someone makes you feel that way. Proves that you can be treated that good, and makes you fell EXTRA special, EXTRA pretty, EXTRA perfect. And I've never been treated that way ever before in my life. And that is what I deserve to be treated like. Because for once in my life, I loved the way I felt.
And now all of that went away. So of course I am heartbroken. Of course I can't sleep, eat, or do things I used to. My whole world has been turned upside down. I never wanted that happiness to end. And it did, so suddenly.
I hooe Tony realizes he is the one losing me. I know right now I feel like I am the one losing, but I did nothing wrong to lose him. I did everything in my power to make him happy. It is just, sometimes you aren't the right person to make them happy. It is a horrible feeling. Knowing the one person who made you feel like you were in bliss, can't feel that way about you. It sucks.
I guess I wanted to let that all out. Because I kept holding on to my phone wanting to call him. And I know that is wrong. I can't keep wanting him to make me feel good. That is not his job anymore. Now it is up to him to make himself happy. And the same goes for me.
God, I miss him.
A friend of mine, Chad, invited me to a party last night. I had a good time. It may not have looked like it, but I did. Anything is better than sitting at home by myself on a Friday night crying over my situation. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Last night I laughed a lot and smiled a lot. The most since Tony did what he did. It felt good. And I want to do that all the time. I don't want there to be anymore times that I feel the way I do right now.
I woke up this morning feeling like he was lying next to me. When I rolled over, he wasn't there. I had a feeling that my phone would ring and it would be him. But it never rang. And it won't. I don't know why I keep giving myself these false hopes. Hopes that he will call, be there, or want to be back in my life. All these feelings, make me sick to my stomach.
I haven't eatten much since all this happened. I've lost 7 lbs. Not good. I feel weak, I can't sleep. I think this is the worst I've ever taken a break up. And why?!? We only dated for less than 3 months.
But those 3 months were magical. I felt like an enchanted princess. He made me feel like I was on top of the world, like I could walk on water. And now, I feel like nothing again. Just plain old Amber. Nothing special.
I know, I know. I am something special. I am something good. I know I will hear all that from you. But, it is different when someone makes you feel that way. Proves that you can be treated that good, and makes you fell EXTRA special, EXTRA pretty, EXTRA perfect. And I've never been treated that way ever before in my life. And that is what I deserve to be treated like. Because for once in my life, I loved the way I felt.
And now all of that went away. So of course I am heartbroken. Of course I can't sleep, eat, or do things I used to. My whole world has been turned upside down. I never wanted that happiness to end. And it did, so suddenly.
I hooe Tony realizes he is the one losing me. I know right now I feel like I am the one losing, but I did nothing wrong to lose him. I did everything in my power to make him happy. It is just, sometimes you aren't the right person to make them happy. It is a horrible feeling. Knowing the one person who made you feel like you were in bliss, can't feel that way about you. It sucks.
I guess I wanted to let that all out. Because I kept holding on to my phone wanting to call him. And I know that is wrong. I can't keep wanting him to make me feel good. That is not his job anymore. Now it is up to him to make himself happy. And the same goes for me.
God, I miss him.