*Scratching head*
I do know know when my life akin to slumber began, and I do not not intend to dwell on its outset, but I am living life like it were a task to get over and done with. I go through each day without a purpose. I realize now that is what has been missing--a drive, a motivation, a goal to REALLY live. I feel like I'm waiting for something BIG to happen to me that will stir my consciousness into living life.
And what is living life? I think it is to go through each day with a purpose, or at least a sense of it. And this purpose will not be remotely anything like starting the day just to wait for the end of it. This purpose should be THE meaning of my life, one which I will hold dear until my last days, one to which I will devote my whole life. I want this purpose to be what I do my every action for, and these actions will not make me feel guilty because I know they benefit me (and/or others) and I can sleep without feeling another day has passed me by without me knowing what's going on with my life or having an idea where it's headed.
I think living life is also waking up and thinking of ways to reach that purpose. I wake up every day thinking of what I'm going to do, but those things are just there to kill time. That's all I do nowadays--kill time until THE event happens and my life will begin. But as of the moment, I do not find any motivation to change how I live, and that's what I'm looking for.
It makes me sad to think at this age, at MY age, I still don't see any meaning in my life. My life is at a standstill, but I am aware that time is not.
And what is living life? I think it is to go through each day with a purpose, or at least a sense of it. And this purpose will not be remotely anything like starting the day just to wait for the end of it. This purpose should be THE meaning of my life, one which I will hold dear until my last days, one to which I will devote my whole life. I want this purpose to be what I do my every action for, and these actions will not make me feel guilty because I know they benefit me (and/or others) and I can sleep without feeling another day has passed me by without me knowing what's going on with my life or having an idea where it's headed.
I think living life is also waking up and thinking of ways to reach that purpose. I wake up every day thinking of what I'm going to do, but those things are just there to kill time. That's all I do nowadays--kill time until THE event happens and my life will begin. But as of the moment, I do not find any motivation to change how I live, and that's what I'm looking for.
It makes me sad to think at this age, at MY age, I still don't see any meaning in my life. My life is at a standstill, but I am aware that time is not.