So...
I've been averaging once a month on this thing for a while now. I'm not sure why I don't write here anymore, except for the fact that I know people look at my journal every now and then which sadly makes me cautious about what I write. That, and I get really vocal and like to write when my heart is really wrapped around something, and lately it hasn't been wrapped around anything.
I took a much needed day off of work today and went out shopping and just hung out with Fran. We stayed up 'til 5am early this morning watching all 3 Lord of the Rings DVDs. So, I've had my break and it was nice, now back to the hectic workplace tomorrow. I decided to take the day off work Friday also. I've got a friend that might come in town then, and it just seemed like a good day to have off since I had Saturday off as well. The boss at Halls then called and told me that she felt horrible that I was working so much this month and said that she really didn't NEED me to come in on Sunday, if I didn't want to. This totally shocked me. I was ecstatic! A whole 3 day weekend off the week before Christmas? I guess miracles really do happen, huh Tommy? ;)
Right now I'm really tired and just wanna go to bed, but I've just got too many things going through my mind. I wish I had answers to a few simple questions I have, but I'm just too scared to ask right now.
Sunday after I got off work I noticed I had 7 missed calls. I'm no popular person by any means, so I knew something was up. I looked at the history in my phone and found that 4 were from my mom and 3 were from my aunt. I knew right away, without checking the messages, that Mark (my stepdad) had been arguing with his sister, my aunt Amy, over who "gets" me for Christmas this year. I had already explained what I was gonna do with Amy, but hadn't had time to give my mom a call back to let her know what was up. He apparently flipped out on her, telling her that he won't "allow" me to go there, and that she shouldn't be encouraging me to go anywhere other than my parent's place for Christmas. I called my mom and let her know what my exact plans were and everything is fine now.
I want to spend my Christmas this year with the boys. (My little cousins) I've never spent a Christmas with kids and think it would be so awesome. I can't wait to see them on Christmas morning, and be with them the eve before, telling them stories and sharing those special family moments with them. Truth is, all my life I've been alone with my parents. Spent every boring Christmas with them and noone else. I never had a sibling to share any of the joy of Christmas gift unwrapping and everything else with. Amy, although she's my aunt, is more like my sister. She's only 7 years older than me, and we spent a lot of time together when I was younger. I always looked up to her as an older sister and she always lugged me around with her and her "super cool" friends when they went anywhere. She is the ONE person in my family, both mom and Mark's side, that I am closest to, and that I can tell anything to. She is, what anyone who didn't know her when she was younger and who doesn't necessarily believe in God, might call a "super Christian" now, but I still love her all the same. (She's really not THAT bad) She remembers what it was like being my age (it wasn't that long ago) and she's had to deal with a lot of Mark's crap as well. She is the only one in my family (Mark's side) who knows the difference between actually loving someone for who they are, no matter all the hell they've given you or any of their faults, and just saying that you love someone. Hell, most of Mark's family can't stand him, and won't even admit that they ever loved him at any point now. It's sad.
Family, I think is one of the most important things in life, and it's sad, terribly sad to me, when people neglect or don't acknowledge someone in their family because of differences in opinions, or anything for that matter. Seriously people, I think it's the reason why so many of us are fucked up today. Noone can just learn to get along with everyone and accept everyone for their differences, and learn from those differences. People are too quick to judge and even quicker to release any ties they may have with a person, just because of a disagreement. Our pride in ourselves and unforgiveness of each other is slowly making us a bitter, angry, uncaring and just plain shitty race of people. I am upset with almost every member of my stepdad's family right now. None of them know it, 'cause I've been keepin' my mouth shut for a while now, but next time I hear one thing about how any of them has ever had to "deal" with Mark, I fear I will explode. These ungrateful people have not, in their entire, sorry lives, been through the shit I've been through because of that man. And I would be the 1st person to admit and say that I love him, regardless of all his faults, that I care about him, regardless of the mean person he can be, and that I admire the person he is, regardless of the many unadmirable things he's done. He is an honest and true man, more than most others I've seen in my life, and although I cry when I think about what I've been through because of this man, I can't help but love him, because I know that in his heart lies so much love for anyone that he's ever come across in his life. He loves, and he forgives, and he does this truly. People can see one bad thing someone does and remember it for all eternity, but when they see someone do something good, it can vanish from their minds almost immediately. It's sad, but it's true. bleh.
So for Christmas, I'm going to head to Amy's house early Saturday morning, spend Christmas Eve and morning with the boys, go to church, and then head to my mom and Mark's place in the afternoon on Christmas Day. This means that half of my Christmas Day will be spent driving, but to make everyone happy, this is what I'm gonna do. It'll be nice to have some alone time between the two different visits also, so that's good.
OK, I think I'm done ranting this month. ;) See yas on tha flip side.
I took a much needed day off of work today and went out shopping and just hung out with Fran. We stayed up 'til 5am early this morning watching all 3 Lord of the Rings DVDs. So, I've had my break and it was nice, now back to the hectic workplace tomorrow. I decided to take the day off work Friday also. I've got a friend that might come in town then, and it just seemed like a good day to have off since I had Saturday off as well. The boss at Halls then called and told me that she felt horrible that I was working so much this month and said that she really didn't NEED me to come in on Sunday, if I didn't want to. This totally shocked me. I was ecstatic! A whole 3 day weekend off the week before Christmas? I guess miracles really do happen, huh Tommy? ;)
Right now I'm really tired and just wanna go to bed, but I've just got too many things going through my mind. I wish I had answers to a few simple questions I have, but I'm just too scared to ask right now.
Sunday after I got off work I noticed I had 7 missed calls. I'm no popular person by any means, so I knew something was up. I looked at the history in my phone and found that 4 were from my mom and 3 were from my aunt. I knew right away, without checking the messages, that Mark (my stepdad) had been arguing with his sister, my aunt Amy, over who "gets" me for Christmas this year. I had already explained what I was gonna do with Amy, but hadn't had time to give my mom a call back to let her know what was up. He apparently flipped out on her, telling her that he won't "allow" me to go there, and that she shouldn't be encouraging me to go anywhere other than my parent's place for Christmas. I called my mom and let her know what my exact plans were and everything is fine now.
I want to spend my Christmas this year with the boys. (My little cousins) I've never spent a Christmas with kids and think it would be so awesome. I can't wait to see them on Christmas morning, and be with them the eve before, telling them stories and sharing those special family moments with them. Truth is, all my life I've been alone with my parents. Spent every boring Christmas with them and noone else. I never had a sibling to share any of the joy of Christmas gift unwrapping and everything else with. Amy, although she's my aunt, is more like my sister. She's only 7 years older than me, and we spent a lot of time together when I was younger. I always looked up to her as an older sister and she always lugged me around with her and her "super cool" friends when they went anywhere. She is the ONE person in my family, both mom and Mark's side, that I am closest to, and that I can tell anything to. She is, what anyone who didn't know her when she was younger and who doesn't necessarily believe in God, might call a "super Christian" now, but I still love her all the same. (She's really not THAT bad) She remembers what it was like being my age (it wasn't that long ago) and she's had to deal with a lot of Mark's crap as well. She is the only one in my family (Mark's side) who knows the difference between actually loving someone for who they are, no matter all the hell they've given you or any of their faults, and just saying that you love someone. Hell, most of Mark's family can't stand him, and won't even admit that they ever loved him at any point now. It's sad.
Family, I think is one of the most important things in life, and it's sad, terribly sad to me, when people neglect or don't acknowledge someone in their family because of differences in opinions, or anything for that matter. Seriously people, I think it's the reason why so many of us are fucked up today. Noone can just learn to get along with everyone and accept everyone for their differences, and learn from those differences. People are too quick to judge and even quicker to release any ties they may have with a person, just because of a disagreement. Our pride in ourselves and unforgiveness of each other is slowly making us a bitter, angry, uncaring and just plain shitty race of people. I am upset with almost every member of my stepdad's family right now. None of them know it, 'cause I've been keepin' my mouth shut for a while now, but next time I hear one thing about how any of them has ever had to "deal" with Mark, I fear I will explode. These ungrateful people have not, in their entire, sorry lives, been through the shit I've been through because of that man. And I would be the 1st person to admit and say that I love him, regardless of all his faults, that I care about him, regardless of the mean person he can be, and that I admire the person he is, regardless of the many unadmirable things he's done. He is an honest and true man, more than most others I've seen in my life, and although I cry when I think about what I've been through because of this man, I can't help but love him, because I know that in his heart lies so much love for anyone that he's ever come across in his life. He loves, and he forgives, and he does this truly. People can see one bad thing someone does and remember it for all eternity, but when they see someone do something good, it can vanish from their minds almost immediately. It's sad, but it's true. bleh.
So for Christmas, I'm going to head to Amy's house early Saturday morning, spend Christmas Eve and morning with the boys, go to church, and then head to my mom and Mark's place in the afternoon on Christmas Day. This means that half of my Christmas Day will be spent driving, but to make everyone happy, this is what I'm gonna do. It'll be nice to have some alone time between the two different visits also, so that's good.
OK, I think I'm done ranting this month. ;) See yas on tha flip side.