T
Well as of tonight I am no longer at home. I am once again at Kristen's. This time though its different, I feel like its permanent. I feel like I am on my own for good now. Before it was like I had to go back for school and for things that I needed in order to graduate high school. I would love to be at home right now, in my own bed with my family and the people that love me but sometimes it just doesnt work out like that. I would give anything to have a different relationship with my mom and my dad than I do. I wish I wasnt the way that I am. I wish I wasnt so stubborn and so head strong, it doesnt work when your parents are the same way. I dont know what I am going to do. I am trying to think straight here but I cant. I need my car, I need to go to school, I need to do a lot of things but I cant do them. I have thought about just marrying Josh and having him take care of me but what does that say about me? That I can run from my daddys house to my husbands house? Well I am not ready for everything that comes along with being married. I just need to be taken care of. I need to know that everything is going to be ok. I have also thought about just getting a job, hopefully I can stay somewhere where I can live for free and just work and get money and then move out on my own when I am ready and have enough money. I am thinking about not going to SDSU anymore and just starting either in the spring or the fall and going to Grossmont or Cuyamaca for two years and then go to Maric College or something for that nursing program, atleast I can afford that on my own. I dont know though. I need a place to live, a place to call home, a place with my own bed, a place for my dog, everything. I can not live with Kristen and disturb their family forever...I have already done that once and I just feel like I have outworn my welcome here. I dont know but she is pretty much all I have. This has become an extremely long entry so I am going to wrap it up. I have a job interview tomorrow at Baby's R Us so that should be fun. Mom, I know you will read this so this is for you. I love you very very much and I am sorry for the way thigns happened tonight. I want you to know that I will be smart about things and think things through and I just hope that whatever I decided to do you dont get mad at. I need a car though and I was thinking and hoping that maybe we can work something out. Maybe I can pay you guys a certain amount a month for my car or something, I dont know. I just dont have a way of getting another one or anything. I need to go to bed, I am crying really hard and cant see. I do love you though and am sorry. Goodnight
Richelle
Richelle