Sleep is overrated.
For whatever reason, I'm still sick. I called into Walgreens today and spent the whole day lazing around. At about 5 I attempted a nap with no success. I suppose it's all good and well that I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. They get to jab me with needles and inject me with things that will make me even more sick than I already am. But at least it's the last of the series of shots I need, at least for now, I believe. Until they come up with more booster shots and such. Stupid hpv and it's likelihood of causing cervical cancer. What are the chances of me getting hpv anyway? I'm pretty sure I'm with Kyle for the long-haul. But I suppose stranger things have happened. Like my elementary school being on fire today. I don't think I've ever seen so many fire trucks in one place all at the same time. There were maybe... five? Plus a bunch of ambulances and cops. Holy shit. It's pretty weird. I went to school there. For four years. And it was just on fire. :[ If I believed in omens and all of that I'd think it's telling me to get the fuck out of here.
I like it here too much to leave forever. Though I would really like a vacation right about now. I miss my dads side of the family. Rae and I being called sisters when we're cousins and all that jazz. I miss New York City shopping for hours and hours. I miss Jersey boys that we saw maybe a million times. What are the chances? I miss the Subway and winding up in Brooklyn. I miss Greenwich Village. I miss 14th street and just past avenue A. And the apartment the size of my bedroom. I miss train rides and my ears popping. I miss the incredibly open parking lot that was the location of the last time I ever smoked. I miss basements and where is the snow? And galloping through the streets and all the champagne we stole from the grown ups on new years and how did we get home? and fuse tv that I don't get and firefly every night. My memories of the week I spent in New York at the break of 2007 are move vivid than anything else from the past year. And most of the time I was either intoxicated or suffering from such a lack of sleep that it felt like I was intoxicated.
My sister thinks that my interest in cemeteries is twisted. I've always taken an interest in history and to me a cemetery is history. On the way to the train station in Patchogue, there's this incredible cemetery. Rachael walked through it with me. Taking pictures is probably disrespectful but I did. I think cemeteries are so beautiful. Especially ones with actual tombstones. In Florida, at least in South Florida, they're not allowed to have tombstones because they don't want cemeteries to look like cemeteries. So concerned with image. Ugh. If I had the pictures on my desktop, I would upload them but they're on my old laptop and it's far too slow for me to want to turn it on at this time. I don't know how old the cemetery was but it must be pretty damn old. There was this actual tomb there, you could tell it led under ground... It looked pretty beat up. And there were angels and other statues. I love reading tombstones. I guess it is a little weird. I'm just so desensitized.
I cry every time I leave New York. Every time I see the Atlantic coming into view underneath the plane and I try to turn to watch the lights of the city disappear. I cry. And I'm not talking like I just shed a few tears, I'm crying, full on shaking and trying to remain quiet on this plane full of strangers. But despite that, I love plane rides. The only thing I hate about them is my father poking me every two seconds to say hey look at this. Hey look at that. Hey why are you crying. I was looking forward to going to New York this summer or this winter. But instead my dad informed me that he's saving to go to Ireland and I was devastated. People at work [Walgreens] told me that I was out of my mind for wanting New York over Ireland. What's there for me to do in Ireland? I can look at castles, drink myself stupid and listen to my dad babble to family that we've never met before that moment. Castles do not interest me the way old cemeteries do and I doubt my immediate family would hunt down cemeteries in Ireland with me the way I think Rachael would. Drinking myself stupid in Ireland is moderately appealing, though that's something I could just as easily do here but make the choice not to. And while family is always great, I doubt I'd have much in common with them.
Maybe I miss Rachael more than I miss New York. I'm sure that's probably the case. But it wouldn't be the same to have her here. Or maybe it would. We couldn't go see cemeteries or slid out my window and sit on the roof listening to Taking Back Sunday. It's much too hot to sit in the driveway listening to Bright Eyes. I don't have any rich relatives here who we could sit out on their dock, staring across the bay and talk about what we could be doing if we were in Times Square and eat a million brownies then play Mad Libs with our Uncle. We could still drink and much more easily here since my parents really don't care. There's always the beach. Ft Lauderdale and Miami just aren't as interesting as New York City.
I'm pretty sure it's just my cousin I miss more than anything else. She somehow understood everything and that's a sentiment I sorely miss.
Click to viewI still prefer the Kevin Nolan version. What's wrong with me?