-CHENEY AUDITION FORM- INSTRUCTIONS: You MUST fill out EVERY single question in this form. Immediatelly. Or you die.
1. How much money are you willing to spend on us? $200 2. Name (Last, First, M. Initial) Smith, Britney J 3. Date of Birth 4/9/89 4. Who do you think is hotter- me or you? its me- come on now 5. EXPERIENCE. church play! 6. Bra Size 32C 7. Nose Length 1 1/2 inch 8. Eye Color sexy blue 9. Hair Color sexy brown 10. Butt Color fair 11. Distance between Big Toe and the one right next to it, you know, that one. not really any 12. Do you consider yourself disfigured or deformed in any way? (circle one) NO. 13. TRAINING. church camp 14. If you fail to receive a role, do you still plan on donating blood to our cause? uh NO. 15. Howbout money to our cause? NO. 16. Which part would you like to have? one where I can dress sexy!_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
17. How much money do you have? $150 but I can get more from my 5 boyfriends 18. In case you don’t get a role, what’s your credit card number? I don't have my own 19. Please sign here_________ 20. And here _______________ 21. And here________________ 22. Thank you. 23. Do you think we’re clever? YES or YES. Howbout sexy? YES or YES? 24. If you could date ANYONE, who would you choose? (circle one) ITTAI or ITTAI. ---It would be Ittai no contest
oo no test questions... my head hurts 25. Person A takes a crap approximately 700 miles north of person C. Person B, standing approximately 22,000 miles away smells person A’s crap. Person C, is then (A) dead, (B) riding a train going 330 mph in the opposite direction of another train going 800 mph (C) Is better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours. 26. I get excited about many of the same things that excite my friends, TRUE or FALSE? 27. The way I see it, most people have a lot to say and I’m happy to hear it (T or F)? 28. How many of your friends have boyfriends? (A) all of them (B) some of them (C) None of them. 29. Your best friend has a hottt older cousin. You (A) constantly bug her to set you up with him (B) strike up a conversation with him at her birthday party. 30. You tried out for this play because (A) the hottest senior in school is trying out (B) the hottest person ALIVE is directing it (C) The hottest person DEAD or ALIVE is directing it or (D) Linda will rape you if you don’t. 31. What color is your aura?________ 32. INGREDIENTS: ¼ cup all-purpose flour, ¼ teaspoon baking powder, ¼ teaspoon salt, 2 ½ cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips, 4 tbl-spoons unsalted butter, 2 large eggs, ¾ cup granulated sugar, 1 t-spoon ground espresso or other finely ground dark-roast coffee bean. DIRECTIONS: Bring 2 cups water to a boil in a pot (as opposed to what?). Lower to a simmer. Oh screw it all… let’s skip to the end. Bake at 5000 degrees for 2 minutes. Check to see if they’re ready by sticking a toothpick in your left nostril and inhaling.
33. Is Lindsay Lohan as hot as me? NO? 34. Is Elija Wood hotter than me? NO? 35. Who’s dating Kate Hudson? she is marry 36. Have you ever posed nude? YES you can get the pictures online woo 37. If yes, were you pregnant or drunk or high when doing so? NO 38. Have you ever been convicted of raping santa claus? Or any other felony? YES .... 39. Hows your attitude, KID? HUH? HUH? dont call me kid- PUNK 39.5. Any way you could go shirtless? yes 40. You’re fired. screw you! 41. Thanks for auditioning. We appreciate your being here today to brighten our lives with your talent and uniqueness. On behalf of Linda and the rest of our cabin crew, thank you for flying delta airlines. We hope you fly again soon. In anticipation of our take-off, please place your seat and tray in front of you in upright and locked positions. Fasten your seatbelts and ummm… yeah that’s all. 42. Am I hot, again? YES
INSTRUCTIONS: You MUST fill out EVERY single question in this form. Immediatelly. Or you die.
1. How much money are you willing to spend on us? $200
2. Name (Last, First, M. Initial) Smith, Britney J
3. Date of Birth 4/9/89
4. Who do you think is hotter- me or you? its me- come on now
5. EXPERIENCE. church play!
6. Bra Size 32C
7. Nose Length 1 1/2 inch
8. Eye Color sexy blue
9. Hair Color sexy brown
10. Butt Color fair
11. Distance between Big Toe and the one right next to it, you know, that one. not really any
12. Do you consider yourself disfigured or deformed in any way? (circle one) NO.
13. TRAINING. church camp
14. If you fail to receive a role, do you still plan on donating blood to our cause? uh NO.
15. Howbout money to our cause? NO.
16. Which part would you like to have? one where I can dress sexy!_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
17. How much money do you have? $150 but I can get more from my 5 boyfriends
18. In case you don’t get a role, what’s your credit card number? I don't have my own
19. Please sign here_________
20. And here _______________
21. And here________________
22. Thank you.
23. Do you think we’re clever? YES or YES. Howbout sexy? YES or YES?
24. If you could date ANYONE, who would you choose? (circle one) ITTAI or ITTAI. ---It would be Ittai no contest
oo no test questions... my head hurts
25. Person A takes a crap approximately 700 miles north of person C. Person B, standing approximately 22,000 miles away smells person A’s crap. Person C, is then (A) dead, (B) riding a train going 330 mph in the opposite direction of another train going 800 mph (C) Is better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours.
26. I get excited about many of the same things that excite my friends, TRUE or FALSE?
27. The way I see it, most people have a lot to say and I’m happy to hear it (T or F)?
28. How many of your friends have boyfriends? (A) all of them (B) some of them (C) None of them.
29. Your best friend has a hottt older cousin. You (A) constantly bug her to set you up with him (B) strike up a conversation with him at her birthday party.
30. You tried out for this play because (A) the hottest senior in school is trying out (B) the hottest person ALIVE is directing it (C) The hottest person DEAD or ALIVE is directing it or (D) Linda will rape you if you don’t.
31. What color is your aura?________
32. INGREDIENTS: ¼ cup all-purpose flour, ¼ teaspoon baking powder, ¼ teaspoon salt, 2 ½ cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips, 4 tbl-spoons unsalted butter, 2 large eggs, ¾ cup granulated sugar, 1 t-spoon ground espresso or other finely ground dark-roast coffee bean.
DIRECTIONS: Bring 2 cups water to a boil in a pot (as opposed to what?). Lower to a simmer. Oh screw it all… let’s skip to the end. Bake at 5000 degrees for 2 minutes. Check to see if they’re ready by sticking a toothpick in your left nostril and inhaling.
33. Is Lindsay Lohan as hot as me? NO?
34. Is Elija Wood hotter than me? NO?
35. Who’s dating Kate Hudson? she is marry
36. Have you ever posed nude? YES you can get the pictures online woo
37. If yes, were you pregnant or drunk or high when doing so? NO
38. Have you ever been convicted of raping santa claus? Or any other felony? YES ....
39. Hows your attitude, KID? HUH? HUH? dont call me kid- PUNK
39.5. Any way you could go shirtless? yes
40. You’re fired. screw you!
41. Thanks for auditioning. We appreciate your being here today to brighten our lives with your talent and uniqueness. On behalf of Linda and the rest of our cabin crew, thank you for flying delta airlines. We hope you fly again soon. In anticipation of our take-off, please place your seat and tray in front of you in upright and locked positions. Fasten your seatbelts and ummm… yeah that’s all.
42. Am I hot, again? YES
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