I had a dream...
Right before I woke I had a dream about someone I went to high school with, Nikki. It was one of those dreams that feels like it's a part of life, and not a dream. We were talking and...it was awkward at times, but I remember wanting badly to be her friend, to get to know her better, which is the way it was in life before I became so fixated on her. I have always thought that she and I could've understood each other far better than many people we went to high school with, because the fundimental events of both our lives gave us a perspective tht was incomprehensible to many we knew.
I wonder what her life is like. I wonder if she's okay. I wonder who she's dating and I wonder if she still drinks as much as she did back in high school. (She drank like a fish) I wonder if she's ever really been happy or had any true internal peace. I wish that I'd've had the chance to be her friend and not had the strange and twisted dance that we did until we graduated. I pray that she does find some kind of peace, because underneath the spiky exterior (I should know what that's like, I posess one myself) she is a nice person with a good sense of humor and a blazing intelligence. Anyone who went to high school with me would probably disagree with me and say that I don't see her for what she is, and I'd agree. I see her for what she could be. She has far too much bitterness in her heart to ever be happy. It must be interesting, being her and having her sister sleeping with famous people. I don't think much of Danielle, never have. She always struck me from everything I heard to be the sort of person that enjoyed the darkness inside.
Maybe I'm imagining the connection I felt between myself and Nikki. It does seem like the sort of fantasy I was so good at coming up with in high school. I guess my reasoning for that belief is just that so many of the things I saw in myself I also saw in her, but darker. Even our mutual aversion to certain sounds. Anyways, I wanted to capture this feeling I had from this dream before it faded, and here we are.
I hope you're okay and as happy as you can be, wherever you are.
I wonder what her life is like. I wonder if she's okay. I wonder who she's dating and I wonder if she still drinks as much as she did back in high school. (She drank like a fish) I wonder if she's ever really been happy or had any true internal peace. I wish that I'd've had the chance to be her friend and not had the strange and twisted dance that we did until we graduated. I pray that she does find some kind of peace, because underneath the spiky exterior (I should know what that's like, I posess one myself) she is a nice person with a good sense of humor and a blazing intelligence. Anyone who went to high school with me would probably disagree with me and say that I don't see her for what she is, and I'd agree. I see her for what she could be. She has far too much bitterness in her heart to ever be happy. It must be interesting, being her and having her sister sleeping with famous people. I don't think much of Danielle, never have. She always struck me from everything I heard to be the sort of person that enjoyed the darkness inside.
Maybe I'm imagining the connection I felt between myself and Nikki. It does seem like the sort of fantasy I was so good at coming up with in high school. I guess my reasoning for that belief is just that so many of the things I saw in myself I also saw in her, but darker. Even our mutual aversion to certain sounds. Anyways, I wanted to capture this feeling I had from this dream before it faded, and here we are.
I hope you're okay and as happy as you can be, wherever you are.