it's over
the person i once called my best friend has denied me...it all started a year ago, but i was afraid to let her go , and kept trying to hold on...she apparently did not have the same feelings for me...never had time to hang out with me, claimed to always be so busy with work, yet when i did see her our time was filled with her stories of new friends and all the places and things they had done...forgive me for being hurt.
the friend i loved so dearly, has moved me on and left me gutted...it really is a thin line between love and hate...
and she crossed it...she crushed me and for that i am angered.
but then i guess it is meant to hurt when you are the person that loves more.
and now i find myself torn over her, it's been almost a month since she expressed that she had felt the need to move on...and simply said goodbye and goodluck...in a fucking email...
and yet here i set in my room typing this and the framed pictures of her i and our friends in england, with the cows, and at the beach are still on the shelf...i can't make myself take the pictures down, it's almost as if there is a curse on the frames...
i guess i just don't understand how this person had become such a huge part of my life, and now her absence has left such a hole, yet she seems to not have a care at all...
what keeps running through my mind, are the few fights we did have, and the hundreds of fights we should have had...if i had told her more would it have been different? or is it that i told her too much? these are the things that i will never know, because she has deleted me from her life...painlessly from her end, my end however is more painful than i have ever had, more tears than a funeral, more pain than a break-up.
for this was the loss of what i thought was true friendship...
but maybe i was to her just a pal in passing, a person to pass the time until better friends came along a name to drop to her parents when she would spend the night at nelsons house...yes i was just an excuse...a time burner......and i should have seen it coming...i saw her do it to the person she used to call best friend before me...she grows out of people...moves on...
maybe when she's done growing...and runs out of people she will realize what she has left behind...
but either way i am better off...better off not being ignored, better off not being left behind while she dances with boys, better off not being a fly to her wall, forced to watch the train wreck. better off not being her dd as she pees in the car and tries to put her purse on her feet. she was always more to me than i was to her...and she hates being talked about on blogs...to htat i say fuck off....you broke my heart this time so much worse than the others, worse than kissing lee, worse than kissing chris, worse than dancing with the cowboy worse than ditching me on our last day in england for a fucking guy......those were little and i doubt you rmemeber them...if you are reading this oh well...because i deserve the right to vent...i feel broken because of you..and u don't give a shit...u never understood how you hurt me....but you were intoxicated during most of those hurtful moments..but i still hold you responsible.
the friend i loved so dearly, has moved me on and left me gutted...it really is a thin line between love and hate...
and she crossed it...she crushed me and for that i am angered.
but then i guess it is meant to hurt when you are the person that loves more.
and now i find myself torn over her, it's been almost a month since she expressed that she had felt the need to move on...and simply said goodbye and goodluck...in a fucking email...
and yet here i set in my room typing this and the framed pictures of her i and our friends in england, with the cows, and at the beach are still on the shelf...i can't make myself take the pictures down, it's almost as if there is a curse on the frames...
i guess i just don't understand how this person had become such a huge part of my life, and now her absence has left such a hole, yet she seems to not have a care at all...
what keeps running through my mind, are the few fights we did have, and the hundreds of fights we should have had...if i had told her more would it have been different? or is it that i told her too much? these are the things that i will never know, because she has deleted me from her life...painlessly from her end, my end however is more painful than i have ever had, more tears than a funeral, more pain than a break-up.
for this was the loss of what i thought was true friendship...
but maybe i was to her just a pal in passing, a person to pass the time until better friends came along a name to drop to her parents when she would spend the night at nelsons house...yes i was just an excuse...a time burner......and i should have seen it coming...i saw her do it to the person she used to call best friend before me...she grows out of people...moves on...
maybe when she's done growing...and runs out of people she will realize what she has left behind...
but either way i am better off...better off not being ignored, better off not being left behind while she dances with boys, better off not being a fly to her wall, forced to watch the train wreck. better off not being her dd as she pees in the car and tries to put her purse on her feet. she was always more to me than i was to her...and she hates being talked about on blogs...to htat i say fuck off....you broke my heart this time so much worse than the others, worse than kissing lee, worse than kissing chris, worse than dancing with the cowboy worse than ditching me on our last day in england for a fucking guy......those were little and i doubt you rmemeber them...if you are reading this oh well...because i deserve the right to vent...i feel broken because of you..and u don't give a shit...u never understood how you hurt me....but you were intoxicated during most of those hurtful moments..but i still hold you responsible.