(no subject)
I've been reading everyone's entries and I enjoy it so much; like watching a movie. But it's your lives unfolding. And voila...apparently inspiring because here I am. And I'm not writing about events. Reflecting is prettier anyway. Julian writes beautifully and Fred writes bluntly. And I like them both. Vanessa and Raechel write like they are speaking to their closest friends. Sarah and Whitney are like me...normal and uneventful at times and other times something really poetic appears.
I may be realizing something. I read your work and love to have an insight on your experiences. I also read because I enjoy your style. There is a woman that I work with that I admire. She is an artist and she is passionate and determined about everything. She has the mindset of a younger person; that being she can and will do what she dreams of. My dreams are what have changed about me. I am wholly in love with everything I am working for now but wonder what happened to art.
It's there, I paint and scribble at times. I don't pick up the guitar unless it's an assignment, I'm drunk, or greatly moved (which is short-lived). Why don't I want it anymore? Because that is what it is. I must not want it bad enough. I want it...I say I wish I had more time to watch movies and write and draw but if I really wanted it, I would make time. Time is no excuse.
So I am without that drive. I got all A's again this semester. I am proud and what I have been waiting for is not far off anymore. But proves to be extremely difficult. Mark and I had this discussion. It was really good. We were weighing everything and we laughed and cried but were logical at the same time. Some people have it harder than we do but frustratingly, others also have it easier. We are struggling, not in a big kind of way. It's just a struggle with the dollar. And once again what we have surprises and awes me.
We came to an understanding of why marriage is so difficult, why our folks are worried. We're worried too but we're sure. Now, I know we haven't experienced enough turmoil to say that we've lasted through hard times. I feel so lucky. But we're not worried about whether or not we'll last. We are so headstrong, determined, and passionate about it. Maybe that's where it all goes. No room for anything else? I'd be spread too thin? Anyway, we know and other people can tell too.
I've been thinking about old times a lot. How easy they were. I've been thinking about Carissa a lot too and think I've accidentially drawn her on canvas. It's sitting on my dresser awaiting a title. I've been thinking about Dana. We've all known each other so long. Atleast eight years. That is crazy. We used to all be able to hang out on a whim. And we saw each other every day in school. It was simple and now it's complicated. I feel like I think about a million things simultaneously now.
What else is there to think about but the past, present, and future? I want to be your hero, muse, and idol. Everyone's. I read and am helpless.
Beautiful, soft, sensual. Hard and intense. Deep. Internal and external. Everything at once. Wild, spontaneous, fun. Planned, pretty, and comfortable. Loud or forced quiet. I'm always completely vulnerable and prefer it that way. We've got it all.
I have never publicly written like that so I will remain as cryptic as I want.
What does responsible mean and has anyone experienced its contradictions?
Love,
Alex
I may be realizing something. I read your work and love to have an insight on your experiences. I also read because I enjoy your style. There is a woman that I work with that I admire. She is an artist and she is passionate and determined about everything. She has the mindset of a younger person; that being she can and will do what she dreams of. My dreams are what have changed about me. I am wholly in love with everything I am working for now but wonder what happened to art.
It's there, I paint and scribble at times. I don't pick up the guitar unless it's an assignment, I'm drunk, or greatly moved (which is short-lived). Why don't I want it anymore? Because that is what it is. I must not want it bad enough. I want it...I say I wish I had more time to watch movies and write and draw but if I really wanted it, I would make time. Time is no excuse.
So I am without that drive. I got all A's again this semester. I am proud and what I have been waiting for is not far off anymore. But proves to be extremely difficult. Mark and I had this discussion. It was really good. We were weighing everything and we laughed and cried but were logical at the same time. Some people have it harder than we do but frustratingly, others also have it easier. We are struggling, not in a big kind of way. It's just a struggle with the dollar. And once again what we have surprises and awes me.
We came to an understanding of why marriage is so difficult, why our folks are worried. We're worried too but we're sure. Now, I know we haven't experienced enough turmoil to say that we've lasted through hard times. I feel so lucky. But we're not worried about whether or not we'll last. We are so headstrong, determined, and passionate about it. Maybe that's where it all goes. No room for anything else? I'd be spread too thin? Anyway, we know and other people can tell too.
I've been thinking about old times a lot. How easy they were. I've been thinking about Carissa a lot too and think I've accidentially drawn her on canvas. It's sitting on my dresser awaiting a title. I've been thinking about Dana. We've all known each other so long. Atleast eight years. That is crazy. We used to all be able to hang out on a whim. And we saw each other every day in school. It was simple and now it's complicated. I feel like I think about a million things simultaneously now.
What else is there to think about but the past, present, and future? I want to be your hero, muse, and idol. Everyone's. I read and am helpless.
Beautiful, soft, sensual. Hard and intense. Deep. Internal and external. Everything at once. Wild, spontaneous, fun. Planned, pretty, and comfortable. Loud or forced quiet. I'm always completely vulnerable and prefer it that way. We've got it all.
I have never publicly written like that so I will remain as cryptic as I want.
What does responsible mean and has anyone experienced its contradictions?
Love,
Alex